Page 2 | DD left wedding early cos of work - should family of kept out of it

Safarigiraffe · 2023-05-29T22:07:20+00:00

Hi went to family wedding last night & stayed overnight in hotel. DD couldn’t stay overnight as she was working today however she did come to wedding but here’s the AIBU or not - wedding was running later than expected & DD had to leave by a certain time to be back home as she was up 630 today for work. When DD went to leave everyone on our immediate table (MIL, BIL mainly) made a huge scene about why DD was leaving early as food hadn’t yet arrived (Starters she had but as main food was running a hour late she couldn’t wait for that) & as my husband went to walk DD to car park MIL ran after them both expressing herself over why DD was leaving early (she knew she had to leave early for work) So AIBU to think that maybe no one should have got involved causing a scene or was DD being unreasonable for having to leave without eating main food when it was already running a hour late and she had to leave to get back home (journey home was hour and a half so she didn’t get in until 8/815)

alphajuliet123 · 29/05/2023 23:16

Really rude of her to leave half way through a wedding meal which presumably had been paid for. Really rude. She could easily have stayed another hour and still got a good 8 hours sleep. Rude rude rude.

AlltheFs · 29/05/2023 23:17

She was rude to accept the invitation if she knew she was leaving that early, that’s a wasted space. It’s rare for weddings to run to time.
Everyone can manage the occasional late night, she could easily have got home at midnight and coped. She doesn’t reflect well on you as a family.

NotAMug · 29/05/2023 23:18

user1477391263 · 29/05/2023 23:15

An early start for me usually involves preparing the evening before. If I get overtired and don’t have enough time to make preparations without stress I get migraines. I’ve learned not to push things to the limit. If she needed to leave at that time, I’d assume that there are reasons. She cleared it with the couple and was perfectly polite by the sound of it.

Presumably the DD is pretty young though, she should be able to cope with a late night/early start TBH unless ge has medical issues.

titchy · 29/05/2023 23:18

Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2023 23:14

Its more the way that it became a massive issue which resulted in MIL running after her causing a scene

It was a weeding for someone on your in laws side wasnt it? That's why you mil was pissed off - and she was right it was incredibly rude of your dd. Though obviously mil making a scene wasn't on.

SamW98 · 29/05/2023 23:19

user1477391263 · 29/05/2023 23:15

An early start for me usually involves preparing the evening before. If I get overtired and don’t have enough time to make preparations without stress I get migraines. I’ve learned not to push things to the limit. If she needed to leave at that time, I’d assume that there are reasons. She cleared it with the couple and was perfectly polite by the sound of it.

I agree. I can’t just get home and go to bed. I need to couple of hours to get myself organised and wind down if I’ve been out, whatever time.

So no I don’t think she did anything wrong leaving at her planned time - it’s not her fault things were running late

bunnyrabbitsandbutterflies · 29/05/2023 23:19

Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2023 23:14

Its more the way that it became a massive issue which resulted in MIL running after her causing a scene

Because your DD was rude to leave what would be viewed as unnecessarily early and mid - way through a meal.

Zwicky · 29/05/2023 23:19

Your ILs shouldn’t have made a scene

Your dd shouldn’t have accepted the invitation if she couldn’t actually be there. She could have accepted ceremony only or taken leave if she needs to be home by 8 for work the next day. If someone asks you out for an expensive meal, you stay and eat it or you don’t go.

Original poster

Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2023 23:19

Yes I do get that it did perhaps come across as rude however it’s more the way everyone made it into a big issue with MIL chasing her asking why she was leaving so early when she knew she had work early next day

OP posts:

Reugny · 29/05/2023 23:19

NotAMug · 29/05/2023 23:18

Presumably the DD is pretty young though, she should be able to cope with a late night/early start TBH unless ge has medical issues.

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Not everyone is the same.

ErmentrudeTheCow · 29/05/2023 23:20

MIL shouldn't have caused a scene but your DD was rude to leave so early. She must have left by 6.30. If she always intended leaving so early she should have told the bride and groom she'd be there for marriage service only and then leave.
Why couldn't she stay until 8pm? She could still be in bed by 10. Your DD was rude

Mañanarama · 29/05/2023 23:20

Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2023 23:14

Its more the way that it became a massive issue which resulted in MIL running after her causing a scene

What relation are you and your daughter to the bride and groom?

NotAMug · 29/05/2023 23:20

AlltheFs · 29/05/2023 23:17

She was rude to accept the invitation if she knew she was leaving that early, that’s a wasted space. It’s rare for weddings to run to time.
Everyone can manage the occasional late night, she could easily have got home at midnight and coped. She doesn’t reflect well on you as a family.

Exactly this. I used to get home at 5am and rock up at 6am at work for my 12 hr shift and manage perfectly well 😂

MayBeeJuneSoon · 29/05/2023 23:21

Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2023 23:19

Yes I do get that it did perhaps come across as rude however it’s more the way everyone made it into a big issue with MIL chasing her asking why she was leaving so early when she knew she had work early next day

Yes but why DID she leave so early??

Many of us are asking the same as your mil!

Unicorn2022 · 29/05/2023 23:21

She was totally unreasonable and wasted a lot of the bride and groom's money on that meal. She could have stayed several more hours and still managed to get enough sleep to get her through a day's work today. I bet she'd have stayed up all night if it had been one of her friend's birthday parties. Unless you are going to drip feed and tell us she is disabled or has a job that involves precision work or life and death decisions, she was totally rude and in the wrong here.

Saz12 · 29/05/2023 23:21

Rude to leave after the starter! Meal probably cost loads.
Who eats-and-runs?? Even if all running to time she'd've left before or during speaches.

She should've been polite to have said shed love to go to ceremony and leave shortly before meal if she knew shed have an early start and wanted to be away at 8pm. MIL maybe worried that she was upset?

SamW98 · 29/05/2023 23:21

Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2023 23:19

Yes I do get that it did perhaps come across as rude however it’s more the way everyone made it into a big issue with MIL chasing her asking why she was leaving so early when she knew she had work early next day

Is your MIL someone who causes drama? Your DD could have slipped off barely noticed if MIL hadn’t have made such a fuss

Wineismybestfriend · 29/05/2023 23:21

Weddings are super expensive and she walked out in the middle of a meal. It’s rude. She shouldn’t have gone or just stayed for the meal. I’d be annoyed if I was the bride and I had paid for that.

MIL is unreasonable and equally so is your DD

NotAMug · 29/05/2023 23:21

Reugny · 29/05/2023 23:19

Not everyone is the same.

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True but most people can manage on a one off special occasion if they wanted to.

pavillion1 · 29/05/2023 23:22

im up at 6:30am tomorrow, im still awake.

Original poster

Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2023 23:22

Mañanarama · 29/05/2023 23:20

What relation are you and your daughter to the bride and groom?

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It’s my husbands cousins son that got married

OP posts:

Tandora · 29/05/2023 23:22

I was with you until you said that your DD got home at 8/8.15pm,
In laws were unreasonable for chasing after her and making a scene. Not on at all.
However, it was also super rude of your DD to leave before the main course at a wedding dinner unless it was absolutely necessary. Weddings are a very special occasion and the food costs a lot. 8pm is early to be home. I thought you were going to say she didn’t get home until much later, or that she was going to miss the last transport back..

Reugny · 29/05/2023 23:22

AlltheFs · 29/05/2023 23:17

She was rude to accept the invitation if she knew she was leaving that early, that’s a wasted space. It’s rare for weddings to run to time.
Everyone can manage the occasional late night, she could easily have got home at midnight and coped. She doesn’t reflect well on you as a family.

She's not rude as she doesn't know these things.

The older people she attended the wedding with e.g. OP should have told her that weddings don't run to time so she should say she can't attend the meal but can do the ceremony.

Same way if you were going to have a newborn and a family wedding 10 hours travel distance away. You expect someone who has had a few children to warn you that you probably won't want to come so it isn't a good idea to accept the invite.

Bunce1 · 29/05/2023 23:23

Really odd to leave so early in the evening? Does DD have a medical condition or something that affects sleep? It’s strange she couldn’t have left at 9/10pm and still had like 7 hours of sleep for work. That’s quite strange.

DD shouldn’t have left.

MIL should have not made a scene.

Original poster

Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2023 23:24

DD left early as she had been up from 630 like the rest of us but wanted to come home around 8pm to get ready for work next day

OP posts:

bunnyrabbitsandbutterflies · 29/05/2023 23:24

Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2023 23:19

Yes I do get that it did perhaps come across as rude however it’s more the way everyone made it into a big issue with MIL chasing her asking why she was leaving so early when she knew she had work early next day

Perhaps MIL is a drama queen or was embarrassed.