DD left wedding early cos of work - should family of kept out of it

[Safarigiraffe]

Hi went to family wedding last night & stayed overnight in hotel. DD couldn’t stay overnight as she was working today however she did come to wedding but here’s the AIBU or not - wedding was running later than expected & DD had to leave by a certain time to be back home as she was up 630 today for work. When DD went to leave everyone on our immediate table (MIL, BIL mainly) made a huge scene about why DD was leaving early as food hadn’t yet arrived (Starters she had but as main food was running a hour late she couldn’t wait for that) & as my husband went to walk DD to car park MIL ran after them both expressing herself over why DD was leaving early (she knew she had to leave early for work)
So AIBU to think that maybe no one should have got involved causing a scene or was DD being unreasonable for having to leave without eating main food when it was already running a hour late and she had to leave to get back home (journey home was hour and a half so she didn’t get in until 8/815)

It's not really about the food is it? The couple probably paid £100 for her to have a space at the table that space could have gone to someone else who actually wanted to be there.

YANBU. Your daughter had her reasons to leave, I suppose she needed time in the evening to prepare for her workingday. But whatever her reasons, the couple were fine with it, and imho it's nobody else's business! She graciously said her goodbye's and left the table. It's your MIL who spoiled the atmosphere for the whole table and certainly for you.

Your MIL is an idiot. But having spoken to the bride and groom, your DD should have slipped away from the table without comment. People would have thought she went to the toilet and when she eventually didn't return it wouldn't have been such an issue.

The ceremony is the important part, and she was there for that.

And if it had been served at a reasonable time, she would have been there to eat it. These wedding dinners that drag on and on and on are miserable for all guests.

What time is a reasonable time?

She must have been gone by 6.30, when were you last at a wedding where the meal was done for 6.30?

Yes I do think DD was being rude leaving halfway through a wedding breakfast. Weddings do run over quite often and I don’t think her staying another hour and being back at 9.15/9.30 would’ve been too much to ask. I don’t agree with how your in laws handled it though.

You keep beating this same drum. What’s your point? So other people have left food behind at weddings too - and? Are we discussing any of those people? No - we’re discussing the OP’s daughter and what she did. “Other people have left food behind too” is not an argument.

DD v rude to leave so early, unless she has some medical condition that means she needs more sleep than normal, which I doubt is the case. Weddings are very special events.

I agree it isn't, but we're in the minority - if you took out every post banging on about how Her Meal Was Paid For!!! the thread would be about five pages long

As for giving her place to somebody who wanted to be there, I may be in the minority again but I don't think I've ever been to a wedding I wanted to be at once the ceremony was finished. Virtually every single one has been a boring, vulgar pissing contest just trying to one-up the last one for how much money they could throw at it.

I keep pointing it out @WomanStanleyWoman2 because of the endless repetitive posts obsessing about how she didn't eat the food. You count them if you don't believe me; I can't be bothered.

I think she should have waited until meal was over.. wedding meals are really expensive and that’s quite rude in my opinion..
In-laws shouldn’t have caused a scene though.

I rest my case.

Leaving a wedding at 6:30pm is rude. If she didn't want to be there, she should have declined her invitation.

I can see the posts perfectly well, but “Other people have left food too” doesn’t make any difference to what the OP’s daughter did. She’s an individual responsible for her own behaviour.

I also think there’s a big difference between what you describe, where there are leftovers or guests who can’t manage their pudding offer it to someone else on the table, and actively not waiting for your main course because there’s a risk you won’t get home until a mere ten and a half hours before you have to get up in the morning.

I don't get people commenting about the cost of the meal, won't that be covered by the wedding gifts? I wouldn't expect to attend a wedding without giving at least 50 pounds a head in cash or gifts. Would the OP have turned up empty handed? That said, it does feel a bit rude to have not waited another hour for the meal to finish. Mil shouldn't have made a scene there an then, maybe could have spoken quietly after the event.

Your DD should have stayed an extra few hours and eaten - weddings aren't cheap and catering is anything from £30 - 100+ per head.

It does seem rude. DD could have stayed longer, getting home around 1030 with half an hour to get everything ready for work, she'd still have gotten a good night's sleep.

Having said all that, the ILs should have minded their own business and not got involved. And your DH should have shut that down immediately.

If she didn’t have a specific train booked or something like that, yes she was being unreasonable to leave before the main course was served.

Weddings often run late and she should have anticipated some leeway.

It was still early when she left and she wasn’t actually working until the next morning. Unless there’s a massive back story - such as how she has to manage a health condition - it comes across self absorbed and arrogant.

Looking at your post history your daughter sounds like an absolute madam. You need to stop pandering to her and allowing this ridiculous behaviour from an adult. She sounds hideous.

I wouldn't bet on a 19 yo covering their plate.
But as I said it's not really about the cost it's about taking up place that could have gone to someone else.

If she'd hung around another couple of hours nobody would have thought much off it. Leave at 8.30 home for 10.00.

How old is she and was she driving an hpur and half?

I don't give a shit what mil thinks. Id want my
Kid home safe at a decent time.

DD wasn’t being rude, she had a routine to keep to and made that known. I’m not judging her schedule, she knows it best.

The real rudeness comes from whoever didn’t keep on top of the day’s expectations. Catering should never be an hour behind, unless the bridal party changed service time because of a delay further down the itinerary. DD has no control over this so cannot be berated fir keeping to her own deadline.

19 and was home for 8pm
Hardly late by anyone's standard.

Your DD did nothing wrong and anyone that says different is wrong. Even Emily Post would tell you that your DD did nothing wrong. She made a commitment for a certain time period. For some reason, the event ran late. No fault of hers. She then expressed her apologies to the proper people and left.
The only rude person is the one running after her and causing a scene.

God I saw how long this thread was and thought I’d check in to see the mood of the meeting on page 39. And it’s insane. Insane! I cannot believe the bug-eyed vitriol being heaped on this girl’s head. You have no idea why she wanted to get home early. Maybe she’s got a chronic health condition, maybe she’s got a tough job, maybe she’s just started, maybe she’s just nervous and still quite new to the world of work. Even if none of that applies, it was nice of her to come and celebrate with the couple, and she does NOT owe them staying to chow down her mashed potatoes. Very out of order for the family to make a thing of it. I cannot believe the entitlement and mean-spiritedness of so many posters here. I hope to god I never meet any of you in real life.

Maybe she got home for 8:30 as she knew she would have to get something to eat, and have a shower before going to bed.
I think you need to think about wedding meals, I was invited with my young son months old, we were sat on a table, near the food, we were starving, as there was only little bits to eat after the ceremony, which had been about dinner time, so we didn't have any dinner, then the reception was late getting stared, think 7, with nothing much to eat since breakfast. The odd thing was, the tables were supposed to go up in order, I didn't know, so had gone up as soon as the said the buffet was open, not so much for me, but for a rather grumpy baby, who was hungry, there wasn't a lot that he would want to eat, bride was Indian, I managed to get a bit of what a little one might eat, but that's when I was told I should have waited. 🤔 But our table was last, yet they knew that's where the baby would be sitting, I would have fetched some jars of baby food, if I had realised there was anything to eat for several hours. After we had eaten, it was getting on for 9 pm. They hadn't even done the cake, but I had a grumpy child and a drunk partner. He had been sat on a table with a load of strangers, which he did like (socail anxiety) plus hours of no food and alcohol, don't mix. So we returned to the accommodation. Both child and partner were sick in the night. I think the spicy food sat well with my son, but it didn't help eating late at night.
I don't blame her leaving earlier, if it's running late and service is going slow, so probably thought if I go now, I can get something to eat at home before having to go to bed.
With people saying she should have got time off, how do you she didn't and got it rejected. She probably wasn't expecting it to run late, or expected food to be served earlier. I had thought the food at the wedding I was attending, would be for 6 or maybe earlier, as the wedding was at 12pm so she maybe thought she could have food and then leave after. The Mil, shouldn't have been so fussed if the bride was OK with it.