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AIBU?

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Original poster

DD left wedding early cos of work - should family of kept out of it

1000 replies

Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2023 23:07

Hi went to family wedding last night & stayed overnight in hotel. DD couldn’t stay overnight as she was working today however she did come to wedding but here’s the AIBU or not - wedding was running later than expected & DD had to leave by a certain time to be back home as she was up 630 today for work. When DD went to leave everyone on our immediate table (MIL, BIL mainly) made a huge scene about why DD was leaving early as food hadn’t yet arrived (Starters she had but as main food was running a hour late she couldn’t wait for that) & as my husband went to walk DD to car park MIL ran after them both expressing herself over why DD was leaving early (she knew she had to leave early for work)
So AIBU to think that maybe no one should have got involved causing a scene or was DD being unreasonable for having to leave without eating main food when it was already running a hour late and she had to leave to get back home (journey home was hour and a half so she didn’t get in until 8/815)

OP posts:
Sugarfree23 · 31/05/2023 19:26

If she was that stress out she should have politely declined the invite.

I'm sure her granny would know if their was a health condition to be taken into account.

Can you imagine how the thread would have gone if it was the Bride posting, I was limited on numbers had friends I couldn't invite and husbands cousin left for no good reason at 6.30.

traintraveller · 31/05/2023 19:27

It's fine to leave a wedding early but to leave half way through the meal at 630 is really rude. Your MIL was over the top but I suspect this is a pattern of behaviour from your daughter going by your previous threads about her.

MargotBamborough · 31/05/2023 19:36

Morgysmum · 31/05/2023 19:25

Maybe she got home for 8:30 as she knew she would have to get something to eat, and have a shower before going to bed.
I think you need to think about wedding meals, I was invited with my young son months old, we were sat on a table, near the food, we were starving, as there was only little bits to eat after the ceremony, which had been about dinner time, so we didn't have any dinner, then the reception was late getting stared, think 7, with nothing much to eat since breakfast. The odd thing was, the tables were supposed to go up in order, I didn't know, so had gone up as soon as the said the buffet was open, not so much for me, but for a rather grumpy baby, who was hungry, there wasn't a lot that he would want to eat, bride was Indian, I managed to get a bit of what a little one might eat, but that's when I was told I should have waited. 🤔 But our table was last, yet they knew that's where the baby would be sitting, I would have fetched some jars of baby food, if I had realised there was anything to eat for several hours. After we had eaten, it was getting on for 9 pm. They hadn't even done the cake, but I had a grumpy child and a drunk partner. He had been sat on a table with a load of strangers, which he did like (socail anxiety) plus hours of no food and alcohol, don't mix. So we returned to the accommodation. Both child and partner were sick in the night. I think the spicy food sat well with my son, but it didn't help eating late at night.
I don't blame her leaving earlier, if it's running late and service is going slow, so probably thought if I go now, I can get something to eat at home before having to go to bed.
With people saying she should have got time off, how do you she didn't and got it rejected. She probably wasn't expecting it to run late, or expected food to be served earlier. I had thought the food at the wedding I was attending, would be for 6 or maybe earlier, as the wedding was at 12pm so she maybe thought she could have food and then leave after. The Mil, shouldn't have been so fussed if the bride was OK with it.

Huh? She wouldn't have had to get something to eat at home if she had hung around for another half an hour and had a very expensive one served to her.

Thegoodbadandugly · 31/05/2023 19:40

Some people like causing drama out of nothing, she didn't do anything wrong.

mandlerparr · 31/05/2023 19:41

MargotBamborough · 30/05/2023 20:48

If you organised a birthday meal in a restaurant for your friends and family and had paid for everyone's meal in advance, and someone showed up, had a drink, ate their starter and then left before the main course because they had decided they had somewhere else to be (whether that somewhere else was in bed, at another party or with their boyfriend), wouldn't you be a bit miffed?

Especially if the circumstances were known about well in advance.

She had to get up at 6:30. Lights out at 10:30 would have given her a full eight hours of shut eye.

She will probably have spent half an hour making herself something to eat at home and eating it, which means leaving before the expensive dinner was served will have saved her zero time.

She's a brat.

Show quote history

If you organized a dinner and it was running over an hour late and a guest came up and said "Sorry, I only planned on being out X amount of time based on the times given on the invitation you sent and I have to leave now" and you then get upset that makes you the rude person.
I think that is what everyone is getting twisted here. The DD of this post did not leave early. They left at the time they had told everyone they were leaving to start with.

MargotBamborough · 31/05/2023 19:42

mandlerparr · 31/05/2023 19:22

Your DD did nothing wrong and anyone that says different is wrong. Even Emily Post would tell you that your DD did nothing wrong. She made a commitment for a certain time period. For some reason, the event ran late. No fault of hers. She then expressed her apologies to the proper people and left.
The only rude person is the one running after her and causing a scene.

Where does the OP say her daughter committed to staying until certain time?

I interpret her post to mean the clock chimed 6 and her daughter thought, "Fuck this for a game of soldiers", went and found the bride and groom and said, "I'm off now, bye!"

Not that she accepted the invitation making it clear that her carriage would turn into a pumpkin at 6pm.

MargotBamborough · 31/05/2023 19:43

And for what it's worth, if I were the bride in that situation I'd rather the person didn't come and say goodbye because I wouldn't want to be annoyed during my wedding reception. I'd rather they snuck out and I remained blissfully unaware of their rudeness.

Solonge · 31/05/2023 19:43

All the people saying she didnt need to leave that early, what do you know about her circumstances? What she needs to do before leaving at 6.30 next day. No ones business. She was polite. Mother in law needs to keep her oar out.

Lapland123 · 31/05/2023 19:45

erm she may well have felt obliged to accept the invitation. It might just not be what she wanted to do with her time after the whole day of it.
The bride and groom were happy. And shouldn’t people remember that guests don’t necessarily love going to weddings?

MargotBamborough · 31/05/2023 19:47

Lapland123 · 31/05/2023 19:45

erm she may well have felt obliged to accept the invitation. It might just not be what she wanted to do with her time after the whole day of it.
The bride and groom were happy. And shouldn’t people remember that guests don’t necessarily love going to weddings?

That isn't an excuse for rudeness.

She needs to grow up and realise that the world doesn't revolve around you and sometimes you have to do things you find boring or annoying.

SquirrelSoShiny · 31/05/2023 19:48

Unless she's a brain surgeon with early surgery the next morning she really did not need to be home for 8.15! Assuming she's in good health etc.

Ladybug14 · 31/05/2023 19:56

honeylulu · 30/05/2023 00:05

I m baffled as to why she couldn't be home later than 8.15. In bed by 10.30 gives 8 hours sleep. What are the extra two hours needed for? I suppose she'd need to cook and eat some dinner. It's a shame there wasn't the chance to have anything to eat before she left. Oh, wait ...

This

DD sounds v strange

Frabbits · 31/05/2023 19:59

Solonge · 31/05/2023 19:43

All the people saying she didnt need to leave that early, what do you know about her circumstances? What she needs to do before leaving at 6.30 next day. No ones business. She was polite. Mother in law needs to keep her oar out.

Nobody knows why she had to leave, but fuck me various postera have made up enough imaginary scenarios that means she definately could have stayed. So obviously she is the spawn of the devil.

mandlerparr · 31/05/2023 20:11

MargotBamborough · 31/05/2023 19:42

Where does the OP say her daughter committed to staying until certain time?

I interpret her post to mean the clock chimed 6 and her daughter thought, "Fuck this for a game of soldiers", went and found the bride and groom and said, "I'm off now, bye!"

Not that she accepted the invitation making it clear that her carriage would turn into a pumpkin at 6pm.

Show quote history

The OP states that they took a hotel room to stay the night and the DD did not. They also state the in laws were more than aware of the situation. It sounds to me like some in laws just trying to get some attention on themselves on someone else's day.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 31/05/2023 20:20

You have no idea why she wanted to get home early. Maybe she’s got a chronic health condition, maybe she’s got a tough job, maybe she’s just started, maybe she’s just nervous and still quite new to the world of work.

Maybe, maybe, maybe… of course we don’t know for sure. But what we do know is that the OP, who wants us to side with her daughter, hasn’t mentioned any of this. The thread has been running for 40 pages - she could have popped up at any time to tell us if this was the case. Wouldn’t she have said “I’m particularly annoyed because MIL knows DD has a debilitating disease”?

MargotBamborough · 31/05/2023 20:23

mandlerparr · 31/05/2023 20:11

The OP states that they took a hotel room to stay the night and the DD did not. They also state the in laws were more than aware of the situation. It sounds to me like some in laws just trying to get some attention on themselves on someone else's day.

Show quote history

So what?

Not staying overnight at the venue because you have work the next day does not equal leaving at 6pm before the main course has been served.

There is absolutely nothing in the OP's posts to suggest that when she accepted the invitation, or at any point before the wedding, she said to the bride and groom, "I will need to leave at 6pm whether dinner has been served or not because I have work the next day."

Apart from anything else, a 20 something woman saying that would sound absolutely bloody ridiculous. She could have stayed for another two hours and still had eight hours in bed, which is all any healthy adult needs.

RachaelN · 31/05/2023 21:13

Invitation shouldn't have been accepted. Wedding food is expensive and it was very early to leave. She should have at least stayed til the end of the meal. I agree with the others saying that it is rude.

Cotonsugar · 31/05/2023 21:27

Good grief, surely it’s up to the person concerned to decide when they want to leave an occasion? Some families just like to cause drama because of their own shortcomings. Your daughter did what was right for her and she let the bride and groom know so what’s the problem? The newlyweds have all the other guests to spend time with and won’t have had time to worry about one person leaving early🙄

NatureNurture85 · 31/05/2023 21:29

Jeez if I was OP I’d think I’d be lost on this thread! It’s like a million new scenarios

changeme4this · 31/05/2023 21:29

Did MIL have too much to drink on an empty stomach?

at the end of the day it’s no one’s business, your DD attended for the important bit and made her apologies while leaving.

Who’s to know if she had on line work to catch up on when she got home, ours certainly would have.

ErinTingey · 31/05/2023 21:58

No update from OP?

Lulu49 · 31/05/2023 21:58

I’d have stayed. So long as I was in bed by midnight 1am ish then 6.30am next day would have been fine. Surely your daughter could have stayed til 10-10.30 or until food and speeches done? Could she have not booked a days holiday as am assuming she had plenty of notice?

Radiohat · 31/05/2023 22:10

Summerfun54321 · 29/05/2023 23:24

Really odd to leave mid wedding meal just because she had work the next day. Yes MIL acted OTT but probably everyone was cringing at how rude she was that she'd wasted the food when she just could have got home slightly later.

I think the same.
I would have been cringing if my daughter had been that rude.
It would have been better to decline or say she was only available for the wedding service.

Kaiserchief · 31/05/2023 22:14

Extremely rude to leave during a meal, especially at someone’s wedding! Completely unacceptable.

I have to get up at 6am every day. I’d try & be in bed for midnight from the wedding but as a one-off for such a special occasion I’d stay up later.

Navalcaptain · 31/05/2023 22:18

Yeah that’s totally rude and self centred, I would be totally unimpressed if someone did that at my wedding

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