Page 38 | DD left wedding early cos of work - should family of kept out of it

Safarigiraffe · 2023-05-29T22:07:20+00:00

Hi went to family wedding last night & stayed overnight in hotel. DD couldn’t stay overnight as she was working today however she did come to wedding but here’s the AIBU or not - wedding was running later than expected & DD had to leave by a certain time to be back home as she was up 630 today for work. When DD went to leave everyone on our immediate table (MIL, BIL mainly) made a huge scene about why DD was leaving early as food hadn’t yet arrived (Starters she had but as main food was running a hour late she couldn’t wait for that) & as my husband went to walk DD to car park MIL ran after them both expressing herself over why DD was leaving early (she knew she had to leave early for work) So AIBU to think that maybe no one should have got involved causing a scene or was DD being unreasonable for having to leave without eating main food when it was already running a hour late and she had to leave to get back home (journey home was hour and a half so she didn’t get in until 8/815)

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 31/05/2023 13:55

For the life of me, I could not fathom why a young woman who is old enough to drive and have a job would need to be “walked to the car park” by her father. Then I read the posts about the OP’s previous threads, where her husband has been getting fed up with the daughter’s behaviour. I don’t think he was “escorting” her at all - I think he was going to give her a piece of his mind about what a selfish little madam she was being. Of course, MIL shouldn’t have followed (presumably to do the same) as that meant three people were walking out mid-meal, but none of that would have happened if the daughter hadn’t behaved like a spoilt little girl in the first place.

If you’re old enough to have a job and a car, you’re old enough to understand that circumstances sometimes take over and delays happen, and that sometimes you just have to deal with that. She wasn’t reliant on a last train that she was in danger of missing. She could have left two hours later, taken an hour to “decompress” (as is apparently very important according to some posters) and STILL got to bed before 11.30 - giving her seven hours sleep.

I agree with the posters who think she was simply bored and found a tenuous excuse to leave early and do something she thinks is more fun. And she probably thinks she can get away with it because her mother, rather than picking her up on such behaviour, goes into battle to defend her against mean old granny. This is a young woman who could have done with hearing the word “No” from her mother a bit more often. She’s going to be in for a shock the first time her boss tells her she can’t have the annual leave she wants, or a partner won’t just bend to her every whim. A lot of tough growing up in store for this one.

MargotBamborough · 31/05/2023 13:55

Bookworm20 · 31/05/2023 12:10

She wanted to leave at a certain time, she did so. And that's literally the entire story.

Exactly. and the OP asked was it rude to do that.
I would say the answer is a unanimous yes.

She sounds like an entitled, selfish, mannerless teenager. Just because SHE wanted to do something, does not mean it is acceptable behaviour. But then it seems if that's what SHE wanted, that's what SHE gets. Fuck anyone else.

And if she couldn't figure the possibilty of an hour (wasn't even multiple hours!) delay at a wedding ffs she is either off the chart selfish or incredibly thick. I think either of those puts pay to her being a brain surgeon performing life saving surgery at 6.30am and more in the camp of rude brat who needed to make sure her hair and makeup were perfect for her shift at the local shop/cafe/office. Or the fact she had plans at 8pm to go out on the piss with her friends/BF and those trumped any respect or decency towards the bride and groom.

And the MIL simply wanted her to stay, yes she got up from the table and followed her outside to talk her granddaughter into staying (because she probably couldn't fathom how someone could be so rude as to leave mid meal). Her father also got up and followed her out because she apparantly needed walking to her car.

I can catagorically say that if I'd coughed up £100 for a meal at my wedding and a teenager left mid meal for absolutely no reason whatsoever, except needing to 'go to bed at 8pm, so they had time to get themselves pruned for work the next day' i'd be less than impressed and think what a rude inconsideate person. It costs nothing to have some manners, except on occasion, such as a one off bloody wedding, may cost a tiny bit of effort or putting yourself out a little. Hardly rocket science is it.

All those saying well she wanted to go, and it was running an hour late, so she is fine to just do what she wants, must have zero understanding of social graces. Sometimes you need to be a little less selfish and actually, you know, consider other people above your 'wants' ffs.

This.

SocksAndTheCity · 31/05/2023 13:56

Frabbits · 31/05/2023 12:43

"I would say the answer is a unanimous yes."

Well, it's not. Some people think it's rude, some people don't.

+1

As posted above, I left a wedding during the speeches because I had to catch a train; the food service was almost two hours late but was finished. Had it been even later and not finished I would still have had to leave.

Some of the pompous crap posted above is mindblowing. Not only are we apparently under house arrest for the duration should we accept any wedding invitation, but we're to be criticised if we don't bow and scrape and show sufficient fawning gratitude at the magnanimity of the bride and groom (regardless of the cost and inconvenience inconvenience to us) over the cost of an event that they CHOSE to organise?

The entire family sound like a bunch of overdramatic, entitled drama llamas with the notable exception of the bride and groom, who I doubt gave a shit one way or the other.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 31/05/2023 13:58

GwinCoch · 30/05/2023 23:34

Can you do a poll within a poll? I’d like to ask if this thread is going to be finished before 2024..

My absolute favourite type of MN poster is the ones who airily announce how utterly trivial a thread is and how they can’t belieeeve it’s still going - and come back several times to tell us all how ridiculous the thread is and that surely we all have more interesting things to do (ensuring it remains in the trending list into the bargain).

GrinAndVomit · 31/05/2023 14:27

Frabbits · 31/05/2023 12:43

"I would say the answer is a unanimous yes."

Well, it's not. Some people think it's rude, some people don't.

In fact, the poll suggest it’s anything but unanimous

Lapland123 · 31/05/2023 14:31

Marchmount · 29/05/2023 23:26

Your daughter was rude but your in laws shouldn’t have made a scene. I’d understand it if she was a toddler but a grown adult needing to be home for 8.30 for a 6.30 start is not normal and most people would have thought it was bonkers. Your in laws should just have rolled their eyes and said nothing.

But different people want to do different things.
She likely just didn’t fancy spending all her evening time at the wedding.
She’s free to spend her time as she wants.

Marchmount · 31/05/2023 14:40

Indeed. People are entitled to be as self-centred as they want. And other people are entitled to call them out on it. If she wanted to spend the evening watching tv or seeing her boyfriend then she should have declined the invite.

I’m not a bridezilla type but that applies to any social occasion. You’re free to accept/ decline but if you do then you don’t then bail mid-way through especially with such a pathetic excuse. The fact that this girls mum thinks that her dd was not rude shows where she learned her behaviour.

MargotBamborough · 31/05/2023 14:48

Lapland123 · 31/05/2023 14:31

But different people want to do different things.
She likely just didn’t fancy spending all her evening time at the wedding.
She’s free to spend her time as she wants.

Show quote history

Then she should have declined the invitation.

Or, you know, she could grow up and realise that sometimes we have to do things we don't particularly want to do for the sake of maintaining harmony with people who matter to us.

PerceptionIsReality · 31/05/2023 15:13

Your DD should refund the money paid for her meal.

So rude.

LuckySantangelo35 · 31/05/2023 16:16

Lapland123 · 31/05/2023 14:31

But different people want to do different things.
She likely just didn’t fancy spending all her evening time at the wedding.
She’s free to spend her time as she wants.

Show quote history

@Lapland123

then she should have declined the invitation and let the bride and groom invite someone who want to eat the meal and want to celebrate after with them.

She was rude and selfish. End of

StarGazerOriental · 31/05/2023 16:22

SocksAndTheCity · 31/05/2023 13:56

+1

As posted above, I left a wedding during the speeches because I had to catch a train; the food service was almost two hours late but was finished. Had it been even later and not finished I would still have had to leave.

Some of the pompous crap posted above is mindblowing. Not only are we apparently under house arrest for the duration should we accept any wedding invitation, but we're to be criticised if we don't bow and scrape and show sufficient fawning gratitude at the magnanimity of the bride and groom (regardless of the cost and inconvenience inconvenience to us) over the cost of an event that they CHOSE to organise?

The entire family sound like a bunch of overdramatic, entitled drama llamas with the notable exception of the bride and groom, who I doubt gave a shit one way or the other.

Show quote history

👏👏👏

This is MN though where it’s a wedding not a summons according to many people.

It’s astonishing the amount of posters who expect people to put their lives on hold for one day and not leave early although the day is running behind. It’s even funnier people have suggested paying for their meal because they left early. I wasn’t under the impression a wedding was on a pay as go basis. Utterly bizarre.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 31/05/2023 16:42

It’s astonishing the amount of posters who expect people to put their lives on hold for one day and not leave early although the day is running behind.

Bloody hell, she wasn’t expected to “put her life on hold”. She wasn’t asked to take a career break to raise her orphaned niece and nephew - she just had to stay at a wedding an hour longer! As noble gestures of self-sacrifice go, it’s hardly up there with donating a kidney.

Sugarfree23 · 31/05/2023 17:00

StarGazerOriental · 31/05/2023 16:22

👏👏👏

This is MN though where it’s a wedding not a summons according to many people.

It’s astonishing the amount of posters who expect people to put their lives on hold for one day and not leave early although the day is running behind. It’s even funnier people have suggested paying for their meal because they left early. I wasn’t under the impression a wedding was on a pay as go basis. Utterly bizarre.

Show quote history

Exactly it's an invite not a summons. She should have declined if she didn't want to go.
She left at 6.30 the evening celebrations hadn't even begun. Even if they were running late which I actually doubt I'd still never expect guests to eat and run.

LuckySantangelo35 · 31/05/2023 17:09

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 31/05/2023 16:42

It’s astonishing the amount of posters who expect people to put their lives on hold for one day and not leave early although the day is running behind.

Bloody hell, she wasn’t expected to “put her life on hold”. She wasn’t asked to take a career break to raise her orphaned niece and nephew - she just had to stay at a wedding an hour longer! As noble gestures of self-sacrifice go, it’s hardly up there with donating a kidney.

@StarGazerOriental

this!!

Frabbits · 31/05/2023 17:19

Sugarfree23 · 31/05/2023 17:00

Exactly it's an invite not a summons. She should have declined if she didn't want to go.
She left at 6.30 the evening celebrations hadn't even begun. Even if they were running late which I actually doubt I'd still never expect guests to eat and run.

Show quote history

So now the logical twisting to further stick the knife into some random woman is that the meal wasn't running late?

Christ, some people really are overinvested in this.

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 31/05/2023 17:30

She was VERY rude, entitled and utterly pathetic.

Obviously it would be different if she had a train to catch or needed to get the last bus or was actually due on shift.

I had some wedding guests who left early due to work the next day (couldn't get annual leave as they were a teacher and a medic) but they stayed through the meal and speeches, and until the evening do was underway!

I bet she wouldn't have left at 8.30pm if she had concert tickets for her favourite band on a work night 🤔

Easterdaffsx · 31/05/2023 17:50

8pm isn't late
I'm getting married soon amd I'd be quite offended if someone hitched up amd left after a starter because it's not only rude but I would rather fork out two hundred quid for someone who can amd wants to be there.
Also the other people have an empty place next to them
Why did she accept?

NewNan21 · 31/05/2023 17:53

Well TBH if you get married during the week you have to expect that guests may have work commitments.

Catingle · 31/05/2023 17:54

She didn’t even leave at 8pm, that’s when she got home! She most have left between 6:30 and 7pm

Sugarfree23 · 31/05/2023 17:56

She left at 6.30, home for 8.00 after a 90min drive how many weddings have you been at where the meal and speeches are over by 6.30?

SocksAndTheCity · 31/05/2023 18:04

But she did go to the wedding. You know, the part where the two people said vows and got married? She just didn't stay for the entire performance afterwards.

At the last wedding I went to, my nephew ate two starters (including my nieces, since she didn't want it), didn't touch his main course and had three puddings, two of them from others at the table who didn't want theirs (I ate my nephews main course). Do people actually think that all of the food paid for, prepared and served at wedding is actually eaten and none whatsoever goes in the bin? What difference does it make if the person who didn't eat it is there or not?

chocspot · 31/05/2023 18:04

I think she could have least have stayed for the rest of the meal. I know it was a long day with an early start the next day but as a one off for a special occasion I'd say just suck it up. I'd imagine the hosts probably paid a fortune for that meal!

MrsLighthouse · 31/05/2023 18:04

One person leaving shouldn’t have disrupted so many people, but if the meal had been paid for and only running an hour late then it was a bit odd to leave before it was served .

Kate0902900908 · 31/05/2023 18:07

I would have to be in bed for 9pm to be up 6:30 but I have underlying health issues and i work in a high stakes role so I would have had to leave. I love how some people are asking why she didn’t book annual leave 😂 people don’t realise there are so many jobs that don’t have annual leave! I.e teachers and self employed with booked jobs 1+ years in advance.
making a scene or being annoying was completely uncalled for.

SoftSheen · 31/05/2023 18:08

DD was very unreasonable to leave in the middle of the wedding meal. If she had to be up early, then fair enough not to want to stay until midnight, but leaving at 6.30 to be home by 8pm? Self-absorbed, inconsiderate and breathtakingly rude.