Mum friend with possible munchausens by proxy

[Schooldinners1]

What would you do?

I can't go into all the details RN but it's been going on for years.

Constant doctorsce trips in different cities, requesting different hospital when one hospital won't believe here, unexplanable illnesses, lack of diagnosis, mystified specialists, sitting in GP surgery waiting room for hours, hospital waiting room A+E, lots of messages about it all sending people photos.

Teachers suspicious and saying “don't think it's constapation”, doctors refusing to write up letters she's requesting.

Blaming allergies that are unproven and reactions for bad behaviour and constapation for when he's naughty.

Says he can't join in sports or plays because of bib or costume and his “allergies”.

There is always a drama and she seems to get pleasure from telling people about it all. Longer it goes on it looks more and more like her own “accounts” of these things happening.

The doctors stopped listening at a point she then became addicted to the homeopath. Who kept giving “pills” she then kept paying for calls even when on holiday to shamanic therapist cause his behaviour was so bad.

I don't even know when she will stop.

You should report this to social if you are worried.

YABU.

As a parent with a very allergic child, the only reason I'm believed (and then I often worry people think I'm insane when I list his allergies) is because his cause anaphylaxis and he carries an epipen.

However non ige allergies are a lot harder to diagnose and prove and parents are often fighting tooth and nail to get doctors to believe them.
It can cause constipation and it can have a massive impact on behaviour.

It is a form of abuse. Please report it.

Report it and it can be properly investigated.
if he has a genuine medical condition, concerns about it being untreated from social services will help to facilitate a referral.

if he doesn’t have allergies, the mum’s behaviour can be investigated

This. I would report to social services. Poor kid.

drpet49 · Today 10:45
MissingMoominMamma · Today 10:42

It is a form of abuse. Please report it.
This. I would report to social services. Poor kid.”

Agree. The mum needs help too.

I don’t understand why this is posted on mumsnet, and not dealt with in real life. If this is true, and you know it to be true, why haven’t you done something about it? School? Social work?

It’s a very serious situation and you’re enabling her by writing about it on social media, rather than doing something practical

I’ve NC for this and I’m being sparse with details on purpose.

In my job I came across a child who I believed was a victim of this. The mother would claim all sorts of things about them and a sibling, including claims of cancer. I called SS and they weren’t interested.
Eventually a HCP came in to see the child related to another issue, I and other staff cornered them with all the evidence we had: contradictory statements from the mother, video evidence that contradicted what she claimed the child could do. No one was interested.

Report but be prepared for no one to follow it up.

this is an interesting but upsetting listen.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/brand/p0fhzh45?partner=uk.co.bbc&origin=share-mobile

Well she will say he suffers with things hard to be proven, creates her own food diary to keep a record of reactions, it's always things that are unproven but hard to dispute.

Goes through school menu saying he's intolerant to particular food additives and chemicals that cause him to act out.

Carries him around as he’s too tired to walk even though he's 7 or he can't run in sports as he is so out of breath and had asthma she says, and even pushes him around in a wheelchair in the airport. But strangely has him doing weekly swimming, gymnastics and rugby.

No one has seen any of these asthma attacks or allergic reactions and doctors are baffled and have him for year's.

Now she's saying he doesn't poo for weeks and has something wrong with his legs.

Says he is allergic to school pizza sauce and cooked tomatoes amongst other things but happy to order dominoes and give him food with maltrodoxin which apparently he's allergic to if it's in snacks and ice cream someone else has bought so he doesn't miss out.

She has said she's planning to apply for PIP a while ago and/or become his fulltime carer through this as she's incapable of having a job because of all his “needs” - teachers has said he's just “naughty” and nothing wrong with him.

Came here to say this. Because they both carry epi pens for one allergy, I'm listened to for both my children now.

When I only had one child and she was undiagnosed everyone thought I was mentally ill until her skin started peeling off in strips and the allergy team accepted her.

Non-IGE allergy is v hard to diagnose. A parent's instinct is probably right.

Worried for the child though that he's being sent down the route of homeopathy etc because the nhs is so useless.

Can this parent afford to see someone like Dr Adam Fox privately?

No one seems to follow it up, the teachers are suspicious and just roll their eyes when she says he's done something wrong because of his “allergies” or he ate something 1 week ago and reactions are slowly coming out causing the “behaviour” 🙄

Everyone else is the family also constantly has a medical emergency or health problem she had to rush around for and help with. It's a big drama.

All of this stops her from living her life as sgrs always in panic mode over someones “reaction” or just generally being unwell in bed.

Life stops and she dedicates herself to whatever issue gas arisen. It's madness.

It's really hard to say what's going on from this thread but one of two things are happening:

1. you're right and it's only mental illness
2. the child is ill and undiagnosed, and that has caused her mental illness (which is inevitable, it happened to me and I was only fighting for support for nine months).

The best thing you can do for the child is try to find a way to get the mum the support she needs, not become another person who thinks she's neurotic

No one has seen my child go into anaphylactic show apart from me my husband and the paramedics.

No one see's his hives or swollen mouth.

It's entirely possible to order a dominoes with BBQ sauce instead of tomato sauce.
It's entirely possible to order a dominoes without either.

My child has a moderate non ige allergy to wheat.
It's accumulative. He could have it once a fortnight but if he were to have it 3 times a week he would have stomach cramps, mouth ulcers and bad skin.
So we save it for special occasions such as birthday party's and things that made him feel included.

So you're still being unreasonable.

If she doesn't get the response she wants she will transfer to a new hospital and to new doctors who makes noises she likes for however long that lasts.

She stopped going to one hospital as she saw a doctor wrote in notes she was either anxious or neurotic.

And so did we.
We started at Brighton hospital, then Eastbourne hospital and now we are seen at the allergy specialists at the Evelina in London (starting with Dr Fox, as mentioned up thread by a PP. Through the NHS thankfully!).

So you're still being unreasonable.

Next thing?

@ADHDDDDDDDBOOM what OP describes is also classic MbP behaviour. Obviously that doesn't mean every parent who engages in that behaviour has MbP, but OP is absolutely right to be wary and worried. It's really concerning that you're trying to put her down for her justified worries. No one is talking about your DC! It's not about you.

Homeopathy is not going to do cure an allergy (or indeed anything).

OP, that sounds really worrying and you should report it. Please raise your concerns to the school so that safeguarding is aware, and directly to social services too. Many MbP cases are missed and, as you may be aware, it can be fatal. Even doctors hesitate to bring it up unless there is absolutely gold standard evidence because it's so transgressive to acknowledge that a mother is making her own child sick. Some experts in the condition think it is more frequent than the recorded cases.

I think reporting it anonymously is an idea however I wonder why no one has connected the dots yet between schools, doctors and healthcare professionals, she's trying to get him an EHCP now and 1:1 in school.

Well, given that you think that a child can be"just naughty" in this situation, I'm not sure you're in a position to judge.

No child is "just naughty", or always comes from somewhere. It could be the constipation and allergies, he could be terrible at sleeping, he may be acting out because of his mum's activities. It could be adhd, or could be that he had a learning difficulty that leaves him frustrated. It could be many things, of which mbp is just one (and I'd vote one of the least likely).

Who knows, but given that everything you say is a lie could also be real (look at the medical gaslighting experienced by mn posters all the time), I'd tread bloody carefully.

I'm very much aware what FII is (not Mbp, and hasn't been for sometime) as it's something I have regular training for in my profession.

I think it's difficult. My son was ill for about 1.5 or 2 years before finally getting his diognosis. And he was in pain and so unwell on and off. It went through my mind people (school mainly) probably thought I was being dramatic telling them he was sick every other week.

My cousin definitely has it not to extreme but she has never ever birthed a child she hasn’t absolutely insisted has no issues oddly enough two out of 4 of them are perfectly healthy kids now she does it when she has a new edition! Soo bizzare! Of course she documents all of the “problems” on social media!

I would stay out of it if it’s just fabricated nonsense which sounds the same as my cousin aslong as she isn’t harming her child in any way it’s purely attention seeking unfortunatley my Nan literally fuels her by constantly agreeing with it all we all just roll our eyes now.

Her most recent one made her look stupid enough tbf claiming her child wouldn’t ever walk not even two and surprise surprise he’s walking …I’ve noticed a dramatic turn of her popularity on sm since this one though but yeah constantly at the hospital constant rants about how drs aren’t doing enough etc lol yes because there’s fuck all wrong!

And yes, I really thought this thread was about me. Grow up.

It was very clear (but not for you that's ok we can't all be switched on) that I was giving examples to the OP showing that what the person was doing can be entirely normal when a child has allergies.

I hope that makes it much clearer for you. X

@ADHDDDDDDDBOOM ...yes, shockingly, in replies to OP's post, I have used the older terminology that OP used. Do you actually think there is anything helpful at all in nitpicking the fact that it has since changed? Does it make you feel good?

My points stand. No one is talking about your DC. No one is saying that all parents who engage in these behaviours have MbP (/FII/FDIA). Nevertheless, there are ample red flags in this situation. Your posts are clearly incredibly biased by reading the thread through the lens of hypersensitivity about your own DC.