not to share my table at outdoor cafe

[ShirleyEyeRosebud]

Went to my favourite cafe with my lovely dog for a relaxing Sunday morning brunch fry up.
All the tables were occupied, so we stood feeling a bit self-conscious waiting for about 20 minutes for a table to become free. In the meantime, a kind couple did ask if I wanted to share their table, but I didn’t want to disturb their relaxing morning so I said thanks for the offer but it’s ok.
So, eventually a table became free so I left my bag there to reserve it and went inside the cafe with the hound to order. When I was queuing up to order a woman asked if I had finished with my table so I said no I have just arrived. She then said are there many of you (obviously not) or can we share your table?
I said Sorry I have been waiting for a table and I would rather have it to myself.

AIBU?

YANBU at all. They were not unreasonable to ask, and you weren't unreasonable to say no. I wouldn't want to shsre a table with strangers for many reasons. It's a cafe, not a necessary service, not getting a table immediately won't harm them, they can choose to wait or go elsewhere, ss you did.

Order food before you reserve a table with your bag. And would it kill you to let the other people sit on the seats that you’re not using?

Don’t worry, OP, you were fine. Remember MN is a place where many people don’t do anything alone, whether that’s a meal out or the cinema or shopping. They are looking at this through the prism of their own inadequacies.

How many people were in the group that wanted to share your table? If 1 or 2 others I would have said yes but can understand why you'd feel uncomfortable with more.
To be honest, I'd probably say yes but then grumble to myself when 8 people squeezed into my table.

You may not be able to. Many cafes would tell you you had to share if they caught you underoccupying a table and they had people waiting.
You're not entitled to a table for yourself.

That's not how it works in the cafes where I live. You secure a table first.

If OP had done that, their food would have gone cold as they had to wait 20mins for a table!

in that case YABVU

Read the posts. The system at the cafe is that you give your table number when you order. It wouldn’t have killed me but it would have spoilt my enjoyment of my meal. If I had been with someone else, it would have been ok but on my own I would have felt uncomfortable.

Don’t worry, OP, you were fine. Remember MN is a place where many people don’t do anything alone, whether that’s a meal out or the cinema or shopping. They are looking at this through the prism of their own inadequacies.

What BS. I do plenty of things alone. I'll happily go anywhere alone and often do but I still don't get to treat a public place as my own private space. That applies to everyone whether they're dining solo, a couple or part of a group. If you only want to consider yourself and control the space around you then eat at home.

In my opinion you should have waited for a smaller table to become free.

From my time working in cafes when younger, the waitress tells people you are waiting for a suitable table to become free ( i.e a table for two waits till a 2 seater is available, rather than putting them on a table for 4.) It's bad management to let people seat themselves in places other than Starbucks/ quick moving cafes because precisely this situation occurs and the cafe starts to lose money.

We have a local cafe where you seat yourself then go to the counter and it's an absolute ballache of families of 2 plus a kid taking up massive tables because they seem to think the buggy requires it's own space at the table as well.

I just sit myself down and say cheerfully 'sorry to join you but there's no other space' in this type of situation.

A table for six to yourself! Definitely unreasonable, especially at a busy time like a Sunday morning.

And no, it’s not an ‘alone tax’, it’s basic common sense and courtesy. I go to Wimbledon on my own and last time, I was eating at a large picnic table and two people came and asked if they could sit at it. I wouldn’t have dreamed of saying no, much less of thinking they thought a person on their own didn’t ‘deserve’ a table to themselves. That’s just a chip on your shoulder.

I am sociable but woukd not have wanted to share a table either

@ShirleyEyeRosebud - how many people wanted to share your table?

You don't realise that "excuses" are the effects of the diagnosis? It's great for those who don't have any issues which affect them socially, or if they can grin and bear it, but it's physically uncomfortable for some people and that's valid too. OP wasn't keeping a hospital ward to herself, she politely said she'd rather sit alone in a cafe.
She didn't behave badly, that would have been refusing and telling them to get lost/shouting at them, etc.

This is one of those threads where you wonder why the OP bothers to ask if they're being unreasonable when they've already clearly made up their mind.

Thanks for your kind response. I still don’t think it was unreasonable!

As far as the restaurant is concerned, it is OP’s private place whilst she is sitting there. She is a paying customer and deserves just as much respect as groups.

I can understand maybe not wanting to sit directly opposite a stranger, but that leaves four seats that should have been available for others.

It was extremely unreasonable.

If you struggle with social situations, how about going at a less crowded time, or taking a friend?

I would rather have left than shared a table, that's not the experience I'd have been paying for. And why should someone by themselves miss out on a treat in a cafe? You're less likely to stay ages if you're not chatting to others as well.

Let's face it, this is such a non-incident. Everyone got a table, everyone got their food. OP was a bit unreasonable, but it didn't exactly negatively impact anyone. She doesn't deserve a lot of the responses on this thread.

This is my first AIBU and I am amazed that the vitriol being directed at me.

So why did you post?

I have autism and can’t cope with talking to most people I don’t know, let alone sharing a table with them.

Still think OP is being unreasonable. If you’re on your own in a busy place, you can’t expect a huge table to yourself.

This is why I don’t go to places like that when it’s busy.

What if the people wanting to sit had a condition that meant they needed to sit down ? Something like an arthritic hip, or a recent knee replacement
obviously as invisible a disability as your social anxiety,
which takes precedence?

I am like a previous poster and in situations like this I ask if anyone else is joining you and then just sit down with my OH. Can’t be doing with the sheer selfishness of one person at a table meant for six.