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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to share my table at outdoor cafe

1000 replies

ShirleyEyeRosebud · 29/05/2023 10:26

Went to my favourite cafe with my lovely dog for a relaxing Sunday morning brunch fry up.
All the tables were occupied, so we stood feeling a bit self-conscious waiting for about 20 minutes for a table to become free. In the meantime, a kind couple did ask if I wanted to share their table, but I didn’t want to disturb their relaxing morning so I said thanks for the offer but it’s ok.
So, eventually a table became free so I left my bag there to reserve it and went inside the cafe with the hound to order. When I was queuing up to order a woman asked if I had finished with my table so I said no I have just arrived. She then said are there many of you (obviously not) or can we share your table?
I said Sorry I have been waiting for a table and I would rather have it to myself.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 29/05/2023 10:36

Sorry OP - taking a complete picnic bench for six just for you and your dog and not being prepared to share is rather selfish. So yes I think you are being unreasonable.

Had I been the person approaching though I'd just have asked if anyone was sitting on the other seats..

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 29/05/2023 10:36

YWBU. If you wanted a relaxing brunch outside at your own table on a BH weekend, you should have bought nice ingredients and had it in the garden/on the balcony whatever you have at home. Cafes need help at the moment and you were being selfish.

Original poster
ShirleyEyeRosebud · 29/05/2023 10:36

IhearyouClemFandango · 29/05/2023 10:34

Depends, if there were only 2 of them then I wouldn't have an issue as they would then have the other end of the table.

But if there were 4 of them I would feel very uncomfortable.

I don't necessarily think you're being unreasonable.

Yes, I am very socially anxious so I wouldn’t have enjoyed my meal at all if there was a group of friends chatting at the same table as me.

OP posts:
AP5Diva · 29/05/2023 10:36

ShirleyEyeRosebud · 29/05/2023 10:33

Oh dear, seems that I was being a bit unreasonable.
Usually I would put others above myself so I felt slightly pleased with myself for being assertive for once. But I did feel uncomfortable at the same time.

You crossed the line into CF territory I’m afraid.

If it had been a small bistro type table for 2 or 3 yes absolutely you’d be reasonable as dogs do get stressed by strangers cheek by jowl.

HoldingTheDoor · 29/05/2023 10:36

You were being rude not assertive. It was a large table not one for two people. It isn't just about the people who want to eat there either. Refusing to share means that the cafe loses out on business.

Horsedoglover59 · 29/05/2023 10:37

I think it depends on the size of the table you are occupying - if it was one for two or three, I think it's OK not to want to share it, but if it was a table for 4+ than I would have said Yes - so long as you don't mind my dog! It's often awkward when you are out solo and you just want to sit peacefully by yourself!

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 29/05/2023 10:37

I have autism btw and don't think social anxiety explains your behavior

AP5Diva · 29/05/2023 10:38

Horsedoglover59 · 29/05/2023 10:37

I think it depends on the size of the table you are occupying - if it was one for two or three, I think it's OK not to want to share it, but if it was a table for 4+ than I would have said Yes - so long as you don't mind my dog! It's often awkward when you are out solo and you just want to sit peacefully by yourself!

It was a table for six per OP’s update.

Delatron · 29/05/2023 10:38

If there were two of them then you were being a bit unreasonable. I’ve been in this situation from both sides - everybody normally is perfectly happy to share tables and I would share mine. If it was a big group of 4/5 I would have felt uncomfortable.

HideousKinky · 29/05/2023 10:38

Of course you should share a table for 6 in a busy cafe if you are on your own

IhearyouClemFandango · 29/05/2023 10:39

ShirleyEyeRosebud · 29/05/2023 10:36

Yes, I am very socially anxious so I wouldn’t have enjoyed my meal at all if there was a group of friends chatting at the same table as me.

Show quote history

Well, I don't think you were unreasonable, and given you felt anxious (I can fully appreciate how uncomfortable it is loitering waiting as well) speaking up is hard.

Next time you could ask how many there were, because that might mean you feel differently. If there were 4 of them for example you become the interloper on the table you were first at.

Original poster
ShirleyEyeRosebud · 29/05/2023 10:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

No need to be rude

OP posts:
Original poster
ShirleyEyeRosebud · 29/05/2023 10:40

IhearyouClemFandango · 29/05/2023 10:39

Well, I don't think you were unreasonable, and given you felt anxious (I can fully appreciate how uncomfortable it is loitering waiting as well) speaking up is hard.

Next time you could ask how many there were, because that might mean you feel differently. If there were 4 of them for example you become the interloper on the table you were first at.

Show quote history

Thank you for understanding. They did find a table straight away as three cleared just after I got mine.

OP posts:
CC4712 · 29/05/2023 10:40

ShirleyEyeRosebud · 29/05/2023 10:39

No need to be rude

Show quote history

Coming from the woman that hogged a 6 seater table all for her own, personal usage!!! 🙄

saveforthat · 29/05/2023 10:41

I wouldn't have asked if you minded sharing, I would have said is anyone sitting here and when you said no, I would just have sat down.

WateryDoom · 29/05/2023 10:42

No, you were being unreasonable. You and a dog can't 'bag' a table for 6 when it is busy enough to entail a 20 minute wait. The dog isn't even having brunch...

You are basically one person wanting to reserve a table for 6 all to yourself. That's not fair on either the cafe owners or the customers.

BonnieGlasses · 29/05/2023 10:42

Even I would share a picnic bench if needed!

ArcticSkewer · 29/05/2023 10:42

I'm surprised they didn't just ignore you
Sometimes that question isn't really a question, it's a statement of intent. Taking up six seats in a busy cafe are refusing to share is poor behaviour on your part.

Lockheart · 29/05/2023 10:42

It's an awkward situation, a lot of people aren't comfortable sharing tables and obviously it was crowded so there wasn't the option of a smaller table. I think you were unreasonable on balance, but understandably so.

bussteward · 29/05/2023 10:42

One person at a table for six refusing to share is an absolute dick move.

JoanThursday · 29/05/2023 10:42

I would have been happy to share in your circumstances.

My dsis and I were recently in an m&s cafe. Another customer, without any request or associated niceties, plonked herself down at our (v small) table for four. She tutted, huffed and glared. Then started to clear OUR half-uneaten sandwiches and little jugs of milk onto OUR tray in front of her.

Now that was unreasonable of her, and I don't think anyone can be expected to share at much smaller tables like that.

Oysterbabe · 29/05/2023 10:43

I've changed my vote to yabu after reading that the table seated 6. That was very selfish.

polkadotdalmation · 29/05/2023 10:43

You're ridiculous. You don't own the table and if there was no where else to sit, what do you expect other people to do?

peacelemon · 29/05/2023 10:44

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 29/05/2023 10:37

I have autism btw and don't think social anxiety explains your behavior

I have social anxiety and it does to me

KimberleyClark · 29/05/2023 10:44

I was all set to say YANBU but changed my mind when I realised it was a six seater picnic table you were talking about.

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