not to share my table at outdoor cafe

[ShirleyEyeRosebud]

Went to my favourite cafe with my lovely dog for a relaxing Sunday morning brunch fry up.
All the tables were occupied, so we stood feeling a bit self-conscious waiting for about 20 minutes for a table to become free. In the meantime, a kind couple did ask if I wanted to share their table, but I didn’t want to disturb their relaxing morning so I said thanks for the offer but it’s ok.
So, eventually a table became free so I left my bag there to reserve it and went inside the cafe with the hound to order. When I was queuing up to order a woman asked if I had finished with my table so I said no I have just arrived. She then said are there many of you (obviously not) or can we share your table?
I said Sorry I have been waiting for a table and I would rather have it to myself.

AIBU?

Totally agree

You were rude. I've often shared a table at a cafe with others, you don't own the table.

@ShirleyEyeRosebud

I get why you didn't want to share your space. Sometimes it's nice just to sit peacefully,however a table for 6 being occupied by 1 person loses the cafe a fair amount in income so you are being unreasonable here.

I probably wouldn't have waited around for 20 mins for a table In your position.

I would have got take out coffee and a bap and found a bench somewhere

YANBU. It’s the alone person tax, isn’t it? You don’t deserve a seat because you are alone.

Well done for standing up for yourself, and I say that as someone who happily shares with strangers. In places like Wagamama and Busaba, you usually end up sitting on benches with strangers.

Wow - you expected to keep a 6 seater table for yourself in a busy cafe?!!! Unbelievable.

@peacelemon as someone who spent all of their childhood and adolescence having to 'learn' social situation role plays etc, you can't just go around telling others what to do for your own comfort. It's a BH weekend and if it's too much for OP they should not have gone to the cafe, knowing it was likely to be busy, just as I don't go to supermarkets, because I know I can't manage with all the stim, and people.

Yes, I would have preferred not to eat there at all rather than to share my table. I think most people are looking at it from their perspective of wanting a table when they are with a group of friends/family rather than of a single person out on their own.

Sorry, but as someone who likes my own space, I still feel YABU sitting alone at a table for six, especially a presumably rectangular picnic table where the other couple could have sat at the other end, leaving the centre unoccupied.

I voted YANBU assuming it was a table for 2 or 4, but when I read and saw it was a picnic table for six, I changed my vote.

Even a circular table for 6 would be fine for me to share with a couple as, again, they'd be at the other end and there'd be empty chairs between us.

You have to make compromises when a place is busy. And one of those compromises is sharing larger tables.

What if there is no bench? So her coffee and food get cold just so other people can eat their food and drink hot because they aren’t alone.

She had a seat. In fact she had six.

I have social anxiety and it does to me

Social anxiety or not if you're in a public space you have to expect to share the space around you. You don't get to treat it like your own private venue. I've seen people on here refuse to let people sit beside them on a packed bus or train . Unless you've booked both seats then you have to share. Hogging a large table like that is rude.

Ha ha good for you OP, I hate sitting with strangers (but would've said "yeah sure" to the woman asking because I wouldn't have the nerve to say no 🤦‍♀️).

I think most people have at some point or other sat in a cafe by themselves.

Thank you for your kind comment. It is interesting that one response was that I should stay at home to eat if I am on my own!

Why should OP miss out? That’s ridiculous. She waited 20 minutes for a table to be free, the next people can wait too.

I was going to say not unreasonable until I saw this! Of course you need to share a 6 person bench in a busy cafe!

Yes, I would have preferred not to eat there at all rather than to share my table. I think most people are looking at it from their perspective of wanting a table when they are with a group of friends/family rather than of a single person out on their own.

I have autism and regularly eat out alone. I still expect to share because it isn't my private space and it's unreasonable to treat it as though it is. If I can't deal with that then I'd get food to take away, order from Just Eat if that's an option or eat at home

Same here. If it had been quiet with a few empty tables, I'd have occupied a large table myself, but otherwise, I'd have got it takeaway and found somewhere else to sit. In fact, that's exactly what we did a few times when we were away on a short UK break a couple of weeks ago. Added advantage of finding seats/benches in quieter places away from the crowd/noise at the cafes.

Thanks. I would usually too, so I was feeling that it was good not to put myself last for once! These responses are making me laugh because they are so unkind and haven’t changed my view. I would do the same if it happened again.

Was the woman by herself too?

I think most people are looking at it from their perspective of wanting a table when they are with a group of friends/family rather than of a single person out on their own.

No. I prefer shopping on my own and if I stop for a coffee I accept that I may have to share in a crowded cafe. Obviously there are ways of sharing - sitting shoulder to shoulder with strangers isn't nice, but surely at a 6 seater table they could have left some space between you. Or were there 5 people wanting to share?

Perhaps the cafe should invest in some extra smaller tables and chairs to accommodate people who visit alone.

Not everyone likes to share a table with strangers, it would put me off going there altogether if I thought I'd end up having to do that.

But people wanted her to deny herself a seat, by leaving the cafe. I’m glad OP didn’t.

But it isn't standing up for yourself as you weren't being put down/belittled/pressured/abused/insulted etc. A stranger asked you a couple of questions.

It sounds like you were polite in your response but unreasonable to occupy a table for 6 by yourself. If it's your favourite cafe then you know they need to make money to stay in business and they could potentially lose a lot of money if everyone thought like you did