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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

They must be available at some point.

227 replies

botheritsgone · 28/05/2023 23:36

My MIL is about to have a milestone birthday. We are not in the habit of giving lots of gifts or having big parties. However, Mil did mention she would quite like a photo of all the grandchildren together.
This is proving very difficult. I enquired locally and told my SIL about the availability around here for photographers. I also said that if it was helpful we could come to a location closer to them. They are about 150 miles away.
SIL said that she wouldn't be able to get her teens together for a photo because she couldn't tell them what to do and all have busy social lives.
I realise my kids are much younger at 5&3 but can you really not even ask your 14&16 year olds to keep a couple of hours free one weekend to get a photo for their grandma?
I'm unsure what has been said but Mil is making comments about SIL feeling I was being bossy. That wasn't my intention. I was just trying to get something organised.
I can't see there ever being a point where my nephews aren't busy and the photo actually happening. Mil does a lot for everyone so it would be nice to do the one thing she has asked for but hey not my mother. AIBU to just give up on the idea? Maybe just get a photo of my two for their Gran.

OP posts:
Restinggoddess · 28/05/2023 23:43

Is your SIL the daughter of your MIL or are you both married to the sons of MIL?

The reason I ask is that I don’t organise things for MIL now as it always backfires. Your DH needs to take a lead on this and speak to his brother or sister
Yes, teenagers can be at a photo shoot - your SIL is coping out and then telling MIL to get herself off the hook

Get your DH to do this or arrange a photographer for the big party and take the photo when ever is together

Thedogscollar · 28/05/2023 23:43

Yes just do your kids. Your SIL is being ridiculous a 14 and 16 Yr old could easily spare a couple of hours.
I can't understand why people are so difficult. It's the least they could do for their gran as it is a big birthday.

ZoChan · 28/05/2023 23:46

Paper yarn and thread (Instagram account) does beautiful drawings based on photos. We've commissioned three images from Beth now. She's awesome

LaMaG · 28/05/2023 23:47

I take it your MIL isn't having a party so? Cos if she was then obviously that's your opportunity. I think its a lovely idea but tricky unless there is an event to go to. If my kids and I were asked to give up a day to travel to take a picture I think this would be difficult as they would be asked to miss training or matches that are very important to them. Nearly every weekend 1 of them has something special and sometimes they are under external pressure from team mates etc. Only yesterday we had a family event 3 hrs away and my eldest cancelled at fairly short notice as he had a clash. I could have insisted but he would ruin everyone's day and it would keep coming up next time we have something similar. My other 2 missed things but didn't mind cos they knew it was for a party they really wanted to be at.

It might be possible each family take a photo with similar background and make it into a 2 or 3 photo frame. I think what you are trying to do is really lovely, good luck.

Yellowdays · 28/05/2023 23:50

It's probably possible to take two separate photos and merge them, using Photoshop. Not that I know how.

UsingChangeofName · 28/05/2023 23:52

Message your dn directly ?

"Hey nephews, Gran wants a photo with all the Grandchildren together. Is football finished for the season now, if we arrange with your Mum to come down the weekend after next ?" {Obviously insert whatever hobby it is that is keeping them out of their house all the time}

No, YANBU, SiL is.

Kitkatcatflap · 28/05/2023 23:57

Yes agree with the above text the kids directly and get them to pressure mum. Your SIL is being obtuse.

GearChange · 29/05/2023 00:02

She’s just making excuses and being awkward. We got 15 grandchildren, 12 children/partners and 2 grandparents together for a photo. Family are from all over the UK but everyone made the effort and we worked together to get a date that suited everyone.

Motheranddaughtertotwo · 29/05/2023 00:07

YANBU, your SIL is being awkward. Get a lovely picture of your kids and maybe one of you with them.

GuitarsUnderTheStars · 29/05/2023 00:09

I wouldn’t tell my teens that they had to have a photo taken. Maybe they don’t want to, maybe they’re genuinely not free at the same time etc. Just get a photo of your own kids if you want to.

NewPinkJacket · 29/05/2023 00:18

Ask your SIL to organise and fall in with her plans instead?

LeavingAustin · 29/05/2023 00:26

I don’t think you can make teens do stuff like this. I’d ask my teenagers but one of them definitely wouldn’t do it, the other one might reluctantly, but I wouldn’t be making them.

JulianFawcettMP · 29/05/2023 00:33

I'd hate this but I would suck it up and teach my children not to be so ducking selfish

pizzaHeart · 29/05/2023 00:36

It is possible that teens are very busy and it might be difficult to arrange something with them but not impossible. I agree with others that your SIL is being difficult deliberately.
Don’t txt her kids they would be the same.

toomuchlaundry · 29/05/2023 00:39

Many teens don’t like having their photo taken

endofthelinefinally · 29/05/2023 00:40

Maybe you could compromise and get everyone to take a selection of photos of groups and individuals.
Print the best and do a framed montage, put a bigger selection into a snapfish book with messages from everyone.

HeddaGarbled · 29/05/2023 00:42

How about a quick photo taken by someone in the family rather than a professional photo shoot?

RooftopParty · 29/05/2023 00:47

My MIL was keen to get all the grandchildren together for a photo but none of the the older ones, mind included, wanted to so it didn’t happen. I refused to make my kids do it, it was their choice.

RooftopParty · 29/05/2023 00:47

*mine

YesItsMe44 · 29/05/2023 00:52

My aren't you self-centeted, kind and thoughtful, and you think it's a nice trait to teach your children. FFS it's a milestone birthday present that an elder said she'd like. Also, they don't celebrate big birthdas with parties (if I recall correctly). Is it so difficult to think of someone other than yourself.

YesItsMe44 · 29/05/2023 00:55

GuitarsUnderTheStars · 29/05/2023 00:09

I wouldn’t tell my teens that they had to have a photo taken. Maybe they don’t want to, maybe they’re genuinely not free at the same time etc. Just get a photo of your own kids if you want to.

My post above was in response to this post.

mellicauli · 29/05/2023 01:02

16 year olds are in the middle of their GCSE's. I wouldn't be bothering them for photos for another couple of weeks.

Stripedbag101 · 29/05/2023 01:08

SIL doesn’t want to do it. So leave it.

yoj husband is her son? Is he still around? If so why are you organising his mums birthday present?

I hope SIL is the daughter and this isn’t a some dreadful sexist family where the women do all the presents and kids stuff and the men just opt out.

ThePlan · 29/05/2023 01:11

Lots of teenagers wouldn’t be up for this. As an adult, I wouldn’t want to do it either. SIL might be trying to be nice saying they’re busy etc when they just don’t want to do it. When my in laws wanted this, my kids didn’t want to and I didn’t force them.

ThePlan · 29/05/2023 01:19

My aren't you self-centeted, kind and thoughtful, and you think it's a nice trait to teach your children. FFS it's a milestone birthday present that an elder said she'd like. Also, they don't celebrate big birthdas with parties (if I recall correctly). Is it so difficult to think of someone other than yourself.

Lol. An elder.🤣

Its nice to listen to your teens and give them a choice with things like this.