They must be available at some point.

[botheritsgone]

My MIL is about to have a milestone birthday. We are not in the habit of giving lots of gifts or having big parties. However, Mil did mention she would quite like a photo of all the grandchildren together.
This is proving very difficult. I enquired locally and told my SIL about the availability around here for photographers. I also said that if it was helpful we could come to a location closer to them. They are about 150 miles away.
SIL said that she wouldn't be able to get her teens together for a photo because she couldn't tell them what to do and all have busy social lives.
I realise my kids are much younger at 5&3 but can you really not even ask your 14&16 year olds to keep a couple of hours free one weekend to get a photo for their grandma?
I'm unsure what has been said but Mil is making comments about SIL feeling I was being bossy. That wasn't my intention. I was just trying to get something organised.
I can't see there ever being a point where my nephews aren't busy and the photo actually happening. Mil does a lot for everyone so it would be nice to do the one thing she has asked for but hey not my mother. AIBU to just give up on the idea? Maybe just get a photo of my two for their Gran.

The ones who have headphones in at dinner time or, most likely, eat dinner in their rooms 😂

If she's jealous, and you trying to do something nice for MIL is actually making MILs life harder, I would back off. It might not be rational, but it's her Mum and she's feeling less loved. Try to show MIL your appreciation in another way. Olive branch, be the bigger person. Big up her sons, she might feel the little grandchildren are getting all the attention now. Deep breath big heart time.

Uh, yes?

If I ever become a grandmother I definately won't pressure my grandchildren into posing for a group photo. Ditto any kind of 'enforced fun' activity.

OP, I'm sure your MIL wouldn't want to put pressure on the teens surely? Does your MIL not have any photos of the grandkids already? Is she dead set on having one of them all together?

yet another mumsnet thread where it is obvious why a lot of teens are defiant, rude and think the word revolves around them.

If your teens really can’t spare a few hours for an elderly relative (autism excluded) and more importantly you won’t tell them to suck it up and have their photo done on ONE occasion then you have utterly failed as a parent. Are they going to refuse when they go to have work passes done? Or passport photos. Of course not.
you have brought up vile self obsessed creatures and you should be throughly ashamed of both yourselves and them.

'Vile and self obsessed'? surely the grandma also has a part to play in all this, does she really need this photo

It's getting a picture for their gran who loves them. Come on.

If you can't get on the empathy and being thoughtful timidest, its in the kids best interests to learn how to basically cope with being outside their comfort zone.

If kids can't even be encouraged or supported by their parents to do something as simple as taking a photo for a much loved relative, do you really think that's going to help with their self esteem? They feel like they can't manage something as simple as this, and you're agreeing?

They'll face a lot more challenges when they're adults - you won't be there to hold their hand 100% of the time - and they're not even being equipped to cope with something as small as taking a photo for granny.

Wow. Your SIL sounds utterly ridiculous. And her kids sound like spoilt brats.

We find it difficult to get my ds and nephew together for photos or events because they are both national level in their respective sports but when we find a weekend both are free they turn up when told! And they wouldn't ever dream of thinking friends trumped Nan.

And I'm glad they didn't because my mum died young last year.

Completely shocked at some of these responses. No, a lot of teens don't like having photos taken, but I'd hope that, if they love their grandmother, they'd do it for her.

Mine had a joint photo done for my DM and I was on a big photo for my gran. I was 10 years older than the other grandkids and I stuck out like a sore thumb, but she loved it.

OP, I'd give SIL plenty of notice and book an appointment. Include your MIL and get a lovely picture of her with your DC, and hopefully her other GC too.

Spot on

I am so surprised at the amount of “that’s their choice” on this thread. Surely everyone knows there are some things in life you just have to do? I didn’t want to do exams in school but I had to do them. Now as an adult I’m not exactly thrilled at going to work every day but I still have to.

I had a terminally ill family member who wanted a (very last minute) professional photo shoot with the whole family so that we could have some nice memories. I don’t like having my photo taken at the best of times and also felt awful on the day as I didn’t like my outfit/hair/make up.. but I still did it for the sake of my family. You just have to do these things.

I think I'd make it clear that I hadn't intended to be bossy, admit (to both MIL and SIL) that you know nothing about the teens' weekend commitments, and that you will happily leave photo admin to SIL (as it's easy for you to travel with your younger DC)

It doesn’t sound like the grandma is asking for much really. There would be an outcry if mil was demanding an expensive present, lavish party, family holiday etc. All she wants is one bloody photo of her grandchildren and her self-absorbed teenage grandchildren can’t even manage that. I’m sure they’re more than happy to accept nice birthday presents from her though. They’re more than old enough to appreciate why this is important to their grandma. They are being completely selfish and your sil is allowing them to be this way - a great example of all that is wrong in our society. I hope sil isn’t expecting them to care for her or do anything nice for her when she’s elderly - they won’t because of the way she’s brought them up.

If I ever become a grandmother I definately won't pressure my grandchildren into posing for a group photo. Ditto any kind of 'enforced fun' activity

Pressure? Standing in one spot near their cousins for all of 30 seconds?

And to add insult to injury, instead of getting their granny the one simple present she asks for, you suggest any old shite she hasn't asked for because the teens have stamped their little feet?

Some of the replies on this thread honestly make me despair. The level of entitlement and indulgence is a new high, even for MN.

I'm unsure what has been said but Mil is making comments about SIL feeling I was being bossy.

Having this sentiment repeated to me when I’d been the one trying to do something nice for her which she had asked for would make me leave them all to it. DH can sort it, it’s his mum, his sister, his kids and his niece/nephews.

I agree. It’s part of our role as parents to teach self esteem, resilience and guide our kids out of the comfort zone so that they have enough self worth to progress in life and pick themselves back up after failure.

Well, you have already recognised that MIL treated you and SIL differently during lockdowns. It is a horrible feeling being the secondary family in these situations. So perhaps SIL and the teens simply don't feel much of a connection to her?

If you want it done, say you will drive down to her and take the photo on your phone.

I appreciate that you had a hard time with your DH away and having a newborn during lockdown, but maybe your SIL feels like it took support away from her. Did she not see her parents during this time as they formed a bubble with you? Did her DS's not see their GP?

Now it is you who is planning her special birthday treat, and she is expected to sort her mums gift out through you. TBH sounds like her nose has been put out of joint. If someone told me I had to do something for my mum, I'd be very obstructive and tell them that I will deal with her directly, not via them.

It sounds to me like your SIL feels you have muscled in on her mum, at her expense. Not saying you shouldn't have any of the help you got, just that is perhaps how she feels.

Christmascracker0

unfortunately there are a lot of people being taught at home by parents like we see on here that they must never do anything they don’t want to do.
So no homework and if they don’t fancy doing their exams they just don’t turn up. This will be the workforce in a few years! I feel sorry for bosses that are going to have to deal with the monsters that these parents have created.

Donttouchmymug, it's not just 30 seconds it's the travel and everything thing else associated

My guess is that jealous SIL doesn’t want the photo of all the kids together. I’m guessing that she intends to get her own kids photographed and hopes to outdo you. Do your own thing and don’t show her until after MIL has been given it. Also let MIL know that you wanted to get everyone but SIL didn’t want to play.

While I do agree that if they have a good relationship with granny but just can't be arsed then they are being rude. But it doesn't sound like they do? Sounds like one side of the family has been favoured. Even if the reasons for it are legitimate and logical, it would still naturally mean that the bond with the older children possibly isn't there.

Although personally, I can't get past the two women having to organise the gift while the two sons appear to have no role in it.

I don't have an issue with people saying 'it can be tricky to organise and travel there, it will take X hours'.

I have an issue with people saying 'we won't do that because my teens don't like getting their photos taken'.

Gymrabbit, my experience of this generation is very different to yours, the ones I know are committed, focused and a pleasure to be with, and, oh yes - have just lived through a pandemic - as children

Argh total miss read. SIL is the daughter, well, that makes total sense. It is a bit rude and pushy for the OP to be hustling someone into a gift for their own mother! If my brothers wife started trying to make arrangements with me about my mum's gifts, after my mum prioritised her during lockdown, I would tell her to sod off.

Sigmama

if that’s the case can you explain why so many parents on here are saying their teens would refuse to have a photo taken for their elderly grandma? Or is the point that the teens would actually be fine with it and it’s the parents that are the problem?