To be sad at the level of competitive spending..

[BelleMarionette]

At children's parties?

The old fashioned coming over to the family home, party games and some food and snacks seems to have disappeared.

It's now all about hiring venues, entertainers, or going to expensive places that offer packages.

I can't remember the last time my children were invited to a party in the children's house without an entertainer. Even families without a lot put on big parties.

I can't afford fancy parties, and feel embarrassed to host a 'normal' (ie just at home with food and games I organise) party.

When I was child I remember parties just being a few games or running riot in the child's home for a couple of hours.

Aibu that the norm has very much changed?

Honestly, in my experience it’s less ‘competitive spending’ than not being able to bear the idea of trying to hose down the house after a whole-class party has run riot in it. I don’t remember hiring a soft play with some beige food, or taking them trampolining and for pizza afterwards as bring ruinously expensive, and if it had been, I’d possibly have saved up to avoid the horrors of a load of over-excited smallies puking on my carpet.

Agree with you. We’ll be having a party for DS in our garden. I’ve only been to soft play once in his three years, thank Christ. He does go with Granny to other kid’s parties!

Yanbu, and things like this is what has contributed to a lot of stress for people. People doing more, and more, feeling the need to invite the whole class from Reception, and so on. It is getting ridiculous.

Norm does feel to have changed, yes. Those parties were very typical of my childhood and now seem only reserved for the very young (under 5s). We hosted my 7 year old’s birthday at home - admittedly with a bouncy castle in the garden - and parents said to me for months afterwards how lovely it was, with the kids just running around, and nicer food than at venues (I didn’t do anything fancy, just party food). His 8th party was in a venue as he was desperate for it and I gave in. I really hated it but the kids love it … I say throw the party you can afford to, and stuff the rest of them.

Yanbu. I think at times people feel pushed to hold these sorts of parties because they just want something easy so throw money at it. Our rule is each child gets one party that has to be paid for - soft play/ laser tag/ bowling/ local football club (10 yo chose whole class one in ours instead) So most had it for their 11/12th and every other birthday was a home party with six or seven people. The parties out were so easy so I can see why people do it- trying to keep kids entertained for three or four hours is interesting, especially the class party where we had to try and get kids involved that weren’t in any friends groups.

I'm in my thirties and I remember very few parties, except my own, which were held at home without any form of external entertainment. Most all class ones were held at the church hall with a disco, or clown when younger, or smaller ones at an activity/attraction or somewhere like wacky warehouse. So not exactly a recent phenomenon.

We do ‘expensive package places’ it’s not about competitive spending, it’s that I don’t want all those people in my home and I’m happy to pay a premium for a fixed end time and no cleaning up

We live in a flat with a shared garden - no room to host a party (even if I wanted to, which I don’t!!)

Should add we definitely weren't in a well to do area either.

My daughter loved parties abd she had some really ott ones like at a spa and a chocolate making one.
When she was 5 I was totally skint so she just had a little tea party with her siblings, my friends kids and a friend from school. We did pin the tail on the donkey and pass the parcel. She never stopped going on about it for years!! It was her favourite

When did it change? Can we link it to 2008 social media? Is everyone posting pictures online?

We did at home parties, garden bouncy castle, bubble machine and made the sarnies and just hoped for sunshine.

My DS are now late teens so if this a new thing? Like baby showers etc.

I agree with this. We are doing an 'at home' garden party for DD2's birthday with a mix of kids and parents and the cost is going to run close to DD1's soft play party for 30 kids once you factor in food, decorations, etc!

We did those type of parties ie soft play/activity type parties because we don't have room at our house and even if we did I still wouldn't host a kids party in my home! Nothing to do with competitive spending, I work full time so haven't got time to set up a party for so many kids, much easier to pick up the phone and book an organised session somewhere.

And yes I'm afraid I will pay for convenience any day. When DD1 is a bit older and has a smaller friends circle then I'm happy to host at home parties and sort out stuff for them to do, but a reasonably big group of hyper 4-year-olds in February is better suited to somewhere like soft play or a church hall rather than my front room IMO!

Similar here. My youngest is late teen, and we had parties at home as did most others. Maybe a couple in a play barn thing.

I think social media is the biggest influence on the shift to getting the 'wow' factor into everything including kids' parties. This kind of conspicuous consumption is driven by the need to be seen and admired.

It’s always been the case. I’d also say an ‘at home’ party is more middle class / posh.

I grew up in a 2 up 2 down so going to someone’s party at their house (so they had space) meant they were posh, compared to a few hours at soft play.

We did an at home party
But with the cake and decorations. Party bags. Party games.
Snacks, ot was actually more expensive than the local soft play place.

The problem with the expensive packages is, you've got to have a minimum of at least 10 people coming and locally people dont generally even reply to the invites and just turn up.

Makes it harder doing one of the more formal ones, rather than one at home,. Where it doesnt matter if 3 or 6 dont turn up.

Well it’s not a new thing , my eldest is 30 and we always hired somewhere for parties or took a few friends to Legoland or somewhere . Why anyone would want a load of kids running around their house , hyped up on sugar and mashing food into the soft furnishings is beyond me .

I reckon some of it is for photos and social media likes.

Can you share? We often pooled birthday parties at primary school with others who had birthdays with a month or so of each other. Sometimes up to four kids so it would make good parties affordable. We'd also specify to parents that if they would like to bring a gift, then just bring one and they'd be divvied out among the birthday kids.

Did a class party for one of my DC at a restaurant chain , cost £££ never again , the parents pissed of leaving me with loads of kids some of whom were little shits . Next Birthday it was a few friends round for tea, cake and PlayStation.

We have had a number of at-home parties with no entertainment. But it's stressful and I always wish I'd thrown money at the problem during and afterwards.

Its not competitive spending, i would never host a party at my own house-the mess to clear up after, the stress of worrying of things getting damaged etc!

Paying to have the party elsewhere is money 100% well spent imo

Goodness my child is young adult and everyone had parties outwith the home, it’s the can’t be arsed doing all the work and cleaning up after. Not competitive spending. Plus many folks don’t have a big enough house to have parents and kids in their home comfortably.

I don't think it is competitive spending so much as guilt spending by time poor parents who can't face organising an at home party (plus the prep and aftermath).

Do at home parties, kids don't notice the price. It is often the free/cheap stuff they love best.