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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be sad at the level of competitive spending..

293 replies

BelleMarionette · 28/05/2023 13:39

At children's parties?

The old fashioned coming over to the family home, party games and some food and snacks seems to have disappeared.

It's now all about hiring venues, entertainers, or going to expensive places that offer packages.

I can't remember the last time my children were invited to a party in the children's house without an entertainer. Even families without a lot put on big parties.

I can't afford fancy parties, and feel embarrassed to host a 'normal' (ie just at home with food and games I organise) party.

When I was child I remember parties just being a few games or running riot in the child's home for a couple of hours.

Aibu that the norm has very much changed?

OP posts:
ThePlasticScouser · 28/05/2023 15:13

When I lived overseas my DS was nice invited to a party in the grounds of a condo by one of the girls in his class.

Disney Princesses turned up in a Cinderella coach, the food was laid on by a 5 star hotel, the cake was a castle and there was a company who blew bubbles to encase a whole child.

It was fantastic. The goodie bags were about £100 each.

Who doesn’t want to go to a fantastic party? Do I feel under pressure to do the same - no!

If other people want to spend shit loads on a fantastic party, great. I’ve had a few myself, but don’t do it very often.

The more fabulous parties to entertain your DC, with free grub, cake and party bags, the better!

Goldbar · 28/05/2023 15:14

Winter birthday + class party + small house = commercial party venue.

It might be £££ but it's much cheaper than the mortgage on the sort of house that can comfortably accommodate 30 children + 30 accompanying parents.

I would love to do the cheap party in the park with balloons and bunting option but not sure how well that would work in the UK in November. As a parent, I'd probably be tempted to give that one a miss unless my DC knew the birthday child or I knew the parents well. Parties are normally boring for parents anyway, but shivering outside in sleeting winter rain feels like a step too far.

1AngelicFruitCake · 28/05/2023 15:15

Nothing to do with being competitive for us, more to do with wanting to invite the whole class so no one is left out. I save all year round for it.

SweetSakura · 28/05/2023 15:15

I always used venues and paid for entertainers etc when mine were young because
a) my house was tiny
b) I was juggling a full on career with parenting so it made sense to outsource where I could
c) (now ex)!DH was rarely around and didn't really help out at all

vestedinterests · 28/05/2023 15:17

.

pigsDOfly · 28/05/2023 15:19

Not sure this is competitive spending but it certainty isn't a new thing.

My children were all born in the 1980, one at the beginning, one in the middle and one towards the end.

Almost all the parties they went to were held in some sort of hall, usually with an entertainer. And if they were held in the home, then there would most definitely be an entertainer.

As regard to the competitive spending bit, some of the take home gifts were ridiculous, so I think there was definitely a bit of competitiveness as to who gave the most expensive going home gift.

Tbh I found it all a bit tiresome.

NotTheMrMenAgain · 28/05/2023 15:22

When my DC was little I put a lot of effort into themed parties - dinos, pirates etc and made most of the stuff that went into the party bags (cos who wants plastic tat?). But you’re damn right I hired a venue and an entertainer- who on Earth wants loads of kids trashing their house?!

User48321 · 28/05/2023 15:22

Goldbar · 28/05/2023 15:14

Winter birthday + class party + small house = commercial party venue.

It might be £££ but it's much cheaper than the mortgage on the sort of house that can comfortably accommodate 30 children + 30 accompanying parents.

I would love to do the cheap party in the park with balloons and bunting option but not sure how well that would work in the UK in November. As a parent, I'd probably be tempted to give that one a miss unless my DC knew the birthday child or I knew the parents well. Parties are normally boring for parents anyway, but shivering outside in sleeting winter rain feels like a step too far.

My DC2's birthday is in December, but we always had the birthday party outside in the park in June.

lanadelgrey · 28/05/2023 15:23

I did a mixture- DD now 21 and when we were in London few had space to do anything at home. Soft play, church halls, teaming up with other kids in the class to do a joint event. When we moved and finally had a kitchen you could sit in, then mostly at home for her and DS. But sometimes they did bowling or something else. They both have winter birthdays but our local parks often used for more outdoorsy ones. No judgment as to whether it was competitive or not, things did change by the point they were old enough to drop off and entertaining/feeding the parents was always more effort and they take up more space

OverTheCountryClub · 28/05/2023 15:23

We hired the village hall last year because our house is tiny and our garden is a postage stamp and we were in the throes of whole class parties. We did a more "traditional" party with games and food all put on by us, no entertainer. It was a fucking nightmare. It cost a fuckton to cater for everybody, we bought games off amazon thinking we could re-use them over the summer but they were trashed by the end, as were the decorations which, again, I'd thought we could use again. The kids were feral and impossible to focus on any one game/activity and the prizes we'd bought we ended up taking home and using as birthday presents for others. Then we had the joy of desperately cleaning the hall so we didn't incur the costs of having to pay for a professional clean while our kids were hyped up, exhausted and wanting to go home. Never again. From now on it's soft play with the catered nuggets and chips. Hour and a half then piss off home. Far easier and not that much more money ime.

crumpet · 28/05/2023 15:23

After mum had to scrape jelly off the walls following one of my brothers parties, we didn’t have a party at home again

Hugasauras · 28/05/2023 15:24

I've already spent £150 on DD1's 'at home' party 😬and I'll have to clean up. Disaster.

Hugasauras · 28/05/2023 15:24

DD2's*

JMSA · 28/05/2023 15:28

Why would you be sad about this, OP? Things evolve. And it's up to the individual. If they want to spend mega bucks on a party that doesn't trash the house, fair play!

Littlethingsmeanalot · 28/05/2023 15:28

Disney Princesses turned up in a Cinderella coach, the food was laid on by a 5 star hotel, the cake was a castle and there was a company who blew bubbles to encase a whole child

yes I went to a stand out one. 12 kids. They hired 8 nannies that I counted, , who all turned up in beige chino shorts and logoed polo shirts. They had a petting zoo, face painters, magicians, full on caterers and bbq, wait staff, bar staff, general entertainers, a several ethereal young women dressed up as different types of fairies with big wings, who went around playing with the kids and dancing, sprinkling fairy dust etc , and it was a pool party. The parents sat back and drank wine, and supplied whatever they wished to thr guest parents who chose to stay , food and drink.

did I feel I had to compete when I hired the village hall. Um no. Didn’t even cross my mind, 😂

EmeraldFox · 28/05/2023 15:32

pigsDOfly · 28/05/2023 15:19

Not sure this is competitive spending but it certainty isn't a new thing.

My children were all born in the 1980, one at the beginning, one in the middle and one towards the end.

Almost all the parties they went to were held in some sort of hall, usually with an entertainer. And if they were held in the home, then there would most definitely be an entertainer.

As regard to the competitive spending bit, some of the take home gifts were ridiculous, so I think there was definitely a bit of competitiveness as to who gave the most expensive going home gift.

Tbh I found it all a bit tiresome.

It feels a bit crap when parents put actual presents in the party bags after you carefully chose something for their child that you thought looked like a good present but on a strict budget. What's wrong with a few sweets and maybe a high bounce ball or some bubbles?

IhearyouClemFandango · 28/05/2023 15:32

Depends. We don't want 30 kids in the house so for ds who is in reception (so while class parties the norm) and his birthday is October so dodgy weather. We hire the local hall for £40 and put a bouncy castle in it (£100) and put out crisps and drink.

Middle child is May and older, so this year we went roller skating, previously we have put a bouncy castle in the garden and had a BBQ.

Oldest is August, so normally a beach or pool party

Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie · 28/05/2023 15:35

I've got two kids who have overlapping friend groups and the local Soft play does exclusive hire £360 for 30 kids and comes with the added bonus of no cooking/strangers/mess in my house? Sorry, but sign me up!

Hugasauras · 28/05/2023 15:35

I've noticed on here that kids' birthday parties seem weirdly transactional to a lot of people. Like they spend X so their kid should get Y in return, or someone did X so you need to do something of the same monetary value in return. I don't think (well I hope!) that life isn't really like that for most people. Certainly among the parties we've been to recently there have been big variances in venue, numbers, presumably cost, etc. but the one constant is that each parent has just wanted their child to have a good birthday and that all the children have enjoyed it. It's only competitive if you decide to compete.

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 28/05/2023 15:35

We’ve done both. It frankly depends on how much time I have available, and the weather - which isn’t usually great as I had winter babies.

If i hire a venue/activity i also don’t have to worry about things being broken or shooing people out at hometime.

RidingMyBike · 28/05/2023 15:38

Just worked out it cost us £17.50 per head to hire local hall, entertainer for two hours and doing all the food ourselves. It would be less than that or about the same for a soft play party and considerably less work!

We went to one last year which was a bouncy castle in a hall with some party food and with nothing else planned for 3 hours. It was carnage by the end with lots of over-wrought children, tears and tantrums. The age range was approx 5-8.

Phos · 28/05/2023 15:43

I would much rather leave the hassle and cleaning to someone else than have 30 kids running around my house thanks.

Fantina · 28/05/2023 15:45

I work full time and commute so I used to hold large and often themed parties for the DC when they were younger. I couldn’t do play dates and saw it as a way to get to know the other parents. I also love hosting so although the prep was stressful, I liked doing something a bit different.

Once they had settled into friendship groups then the parties changed and now it is more likely to be a day trip somewhere or pizza and a sleepover. Although I hired a hot tub for DD’s 16th which went down well.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 28/05/2023 15:47

RidingMyBike · 28/05/2023 15:38

Just worked out it cost us £17.50 per head to hire local hall, entertainer for two hours and doing all the food ourselves. It would be less than that or about the same for a soft play party and considerably less work!

We went to one last year which was a bouncy castle in a hall with some party food and with nothing else planned for 3 hours. It was carnage by the end with lots of over-wrought children, tears and tantrums. The age range was approx 5-8.

3 hrs is the problem here, 2 hrs is optimum for a bouncy castle/village hall party.

1 Hr free play
30 mins food and blowing out candles
30 mins free play while you cut cake, tidy up and sort party bags.

Then the kids go home just as they are starting to get tired but before they have gotten fed up.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 28/05/2023 15:51

I do not enjoy hordes of other people’s largely-awful children fucking up my beautiful house. So it’s either in the garden, or it’s elsewhere.