To be sad at the level of competitive spending..

[BelleMarionette]

At children's parties?

The old fashioned coming over to the family home, party games and some food and snacks seems to have disappeared.

It's now all about hiring venues, entertainers, or going to expensive places that offer packages.

I can't remember the last time my children were invited to a party in the children's house without an entertainer. Even families without a lot put on big parties.

I can't afford fancy parties, and feel embarrassed to host a 'normal' (ie just at home with food and games I organise) party.

When I was child I remember parties just being a few games or running riot in the child's home for a couple of hours.

Aibu that the norm has very much changed?

Agree. We have a small two up two down terraced house with a small back yard and just don’t have the space to host a party, even for just a few children. So DD’s parties have been at soft play or something similar, because that’s much easier, despite the cost. It’s not for social media ‘likes’ - there’s nothing glam about soft play!

@cadburyegg apologies, quoted the wrong person sorry 🙈🙈 I meant to answer the OP

@Littlethingsmeanalot it's quite unusual to have such big numbers as I would assume at the level you'd be in private school but the class size wouldn't be 50!

I did a party at my house for my son's birthday one year, never did one again, the extra expense to have someone else host and deal with all the shit is worth it to me

No it wouldn’t, unless several classes for one year. Bit odd. Either way the op is describing someone mosh don’t experience and is far from the norm.

True

Same, I'm paying for the convenience of not having to clear up after 25 kids and host everyone. It's not competitive.

I would much rather spend the money on a party than have 25 kids wreck my house and spend a day prepping and a day clearing up. It's definitely not about competitive spending and definitely about laziness

It’s so intrusive as well. Who wants all the parents loitering round your house, I never did. A couple maybe, but no way I’d want 10-20 parents in my house with their kids.

I think it depends on the circle you’re in. Some parents can get really competitive but in our area it’s a real mix and no one really bats an eye lid between small birthday teas or whole class extravaganzas.

I’ve done a couple of smaller parties at home but we’re limited by the time of year as much as anything (December for dd). If she had a birthday in the water months I’d consider hosting larger parties even though we haven’t got loads of space or do the park thing.

Water = warmer

I’m mid 30s and there was no softplay or trampolining places in my area growing up. So kids party’s were local rugby club or community room, buffet, bouncy castle and disco.

Ive had DS age 5s party in the softplay just down the road for £150 exclusive hire for full class of 30. Arrive with cake and leave 2hrs later.

and DD age 2’s village hall party, had to pay for hire, bouncy castle, sort my own music and got a Morrisons buffet. Easily cost £400+ for a pile of family and about 10 other 2 year olds!

one is November the other jan so a cheaper garden party is out and not the space inside my house for all the people (even just family would be too many)

DD will be having a softplay party for her 3rd as it’s such good value and she is big enough for it all now.

This! Dc1 is mid winter so we spend £10 per hour to hire a village hall and £100 for a bouncy castle. Hardly extravagant or for Instagram likes 🙄

dc2 has a summer birthday and we’ll still do a hall because it’s fun and easy.

the patronisation and faux naivety on this thread that because someone does something different it must be for ‘likes’ or competition. And tbh kids have so much fun on a bouncy castle why wouldn’t you get one?

basic party tea with sandwiches, crisps, party rings etc. doesn’t cost any more in a hall than it does in a house and I don’t have to hoover afterwards.

My daughter had her first party at 4 few months ago it was a pizza party at her house , 4 children came over and we all made pizzas and then played pass the parcel while pizza were in oven and then they ate them and then had cake and then went home , a party can be anything u like and it doesn't have to be keeping up with Jones if you choose not to.

I have 7 year old twins and most the parties they have been to have been "simple" parties at houses. One girl booked the village hall for a disco and another had a drama/singing person, but nothing drastically expensive and OTT.

Perhaps it's a London thing?

And the parents who got entertainers only did so as they work full time so it made their life easier! Nothing to do with a competition!

My house is way too small to host the sort of kids' parties I used to get invited to (bouncy castle in the back garden, party games in the living room etc). When mine are older and they have a more decided small group of friends though, I think we'll do more at home.

We did at-home parties until around Year 4/5, but as double figures approaches the idea of party games and running round the garden no longer cuts it. You can possibly spin it out for a few more years with sleepovers, and cut the number of guests down drastically, but ime tweens and teens tend to prefer a cinema/bowling/laser quest type event away from close parental supervision.

I did a party in the park with pizza delivered when DS was 5, I did pass the parcel but otherwise they just played and had pizza and cake. That was the only whole class party he had.

Also, it depends on who/how many you are inviting. Both my dc are at nursery/pre school, plus have NCT friends and other mum friends as well as family. Id either have to hold several small parties or do one big one in a hall. There’s no way I’d want or fit 25ish kids plus parents etc in my house! And as they are my friends mum and dad comes so it’s a lot

I agree. Also in my 40s and I remember going to a number of McDonald’s/ Wimpy/ roller skating parties. There were no soft play ones back then because soft play didn’t exist (where we lived) but I went to more out of the home than I did parties at the child’s home.

We had one party at home for my DC with just a couple of friends due to the pandemic, which they enjoyed, but other than that it’s been organised parties out of the home all the way. We don’t have space at home for more than a couple of friends, and it’s just so much easier, with entertainment and food prepared for you. No social media here btw, it’s not compatible spending. There’s no need to feel embarrassed if you want to have a party at home though - there’s nothing wrong with it at all.

I think there’s always been different levels of parties

I’m 44 and remember friends having big McDonald’s parties while we could only afford a few friends at mine for a party/bbq. I was always so jealous of those parties. But on reflection as an adult I always had a great time.

Over 18 years and 3 dc we've done a mix of themed parties at home (science, dinosaurs, a book dd loves - with pre-planned schedule of activities incl biscuit decorating, assemble your own pizza, experiments, junk modelling etc), treasure hunt/fancy dress/bubbles in garden, taking a few people to the cinema and once or twice a bowling party for a larger group. BBQ, footie in the garden and film for teen boys. Parties at home are usually about 6-9 kids, cinema trips 2-4. The themed at-home ones have gone down the best.

I hate competitive frugality.
It’s not ‘better’ to have a party at home or ‘worse’ to have it at a hired space.
Some people don’t want the hassle of sorting their house out, cooking party food, keeping taps on their house, cleaning up etc.
Some people can’t host the numbers at home if it’s bad weather.
The idea that it’s ‘competitive spending’ because they chose something different to you is incredibly patronising.

If your child has a winter birthday and you have a small house or flat, then a soft play or church hall or trampoline park is an absolute godsend.

Certainly when I was a child it was a few friends - not whole-class parties - and it wasn't even a consideration that other parents would be there so both are probably make up the main difference between parties then and now