To be sad at the level of competitive spending..

[BelleMarionette]

At children's parties?

The old fashioned coming over to the family home, party games and some food and snacks seems to have disappeared.

It's now all about hiring venues, entertainers, or going to expensive places that offer packages.

I can't remember the last time my children were invited to a party in the children's house without an entertainer. Even families without a lot put on big parties.

I can't afford fancy parties, and feel embarrassed to host a 'normal' (ie just at home with food and games I organise) party.

When I was child I remember parties just being a few games or running riot in the child's home for a couple of hours.

Aibu that the norm has very much changed?

I agree that it’s about time and clearing up more than money and competitiveness ( although agree it’s much more expensive now). Now women are working full time they just don’t have the bandwidth to be up until midnight wrapping the pass-the-parcel package, or the energy to be cleaning up the full-on mess that occurs after a children’s party.

My dc are uni age now but I used to host very traditional parties at home and you can do it two ways. Chuck them in the garden with balloons and bubbles and maybe a teenager dressed as a clown and let them get on with it, or go with a very tight schedule of traditional games and a nice picnic. I favoured the latter as the free flowing option made me anxious. And all of the games and scheduled craft activities took ages and ages of prep and planning. Also there is the issue of space if you don’t have a garden or it rains.

Op though, I would urge you to go with what you feel most comfortable with. Stuff the competitive parents! Stick to your guns and don’t be influenced by anyone else. Children don’t care whether a party or house is fancy or not!

It’s slightly age dependent, but some of the best parties we had were very simple.
And people appreciate hospitality and you going to the effort, whatever “level” you host at. A friend of mine who lives in a tiny flat hosted a party in her local park recently and all the dc had a great time!

Most right-thinking parents would probably sigh with relief at the prospect of their dc attending a normal non extravagant party in a normal family home tbh! I know I did back in the day!

I don't think its competitive spending, I think parents don't have the physical space to cater at home or the headspace to manage it.

Agree with you. We’ll be having a party for DS in our garden

But loads of people don't have gardens...

Where I am the people who goes home parties are the wealthy ones.

It's not competitive spending at all. If people can afford it and font want people in their house why should they feel bad for having a party elsewhere. I've done both, and not ashamed of either. Your problem is caring what other people think if you're ashamed to have a party in your house!

I've done both. At home parties are really hard work because you have to all food, decoration, catering, entertainment and party bags yourself. It's a lot to organise. Also cleaning the house before and after. Factor in working pretty much full-time and the convenience of a venue party far outweighs the cost. I don't really want to spend my weekend doing all that, unless my DC really wanted it.

We've also done smaller parties where we take 5/6 friends for pizza and trampolining or cinema rather than full class parties.

Ds2 had a bowling party this year and it was really good value £10pp for 2 games of bowling, a meal and a party bag. They provided a party host too who did balloon art, face painting and different competitions like prizes for first strike, silliest dance. That worked out far cheaper and far less stressful than a home party.

Although there is the instagram creep where every moment/event becomes more about what it looks like.

When did it change? Can we link it to 2008 social media? Is everyone posting pictures online?

I would gauge it's more linked to housing costs & shrinking homes.

There's no need to compete. Don't do it.

We've done the soft play parties, trampoline parties, bouncy castle parties, covid back garden parties.

I just want an easy life. I don't care what other people do or spend.

Now mine are a bit older it's just pizzas and a sleepover.

You will get there too.

Meanwhile plan the party you want and crack on.

Nah, most of them are village halls, or soft play etc,

you need to have a good house and garden to be able to host 10 kids or whatever and their parents, I mean fair play to thr op if she can, but most average parents aren’t thinking insta, they are thinking space, mess and their house and garden.

These parties definitely aren't cheap. Some have even involved a DJ, or several entertainers, 50+ guests. The vibe has been more wedding than children's party! It does definitely feel very competitive.

I'm in London so there aren't cheap venues. Packages cost a huge amount.

I understand some don't have big enough houses, but there are parks too in the summer. It seems that the 'simple' party is a becoming extinct.

My house isnt big enough to host and we don't have a garden. We hosted reception age DC's in a church hall. Not because we wanted it to look good on social media - we didn't post about it on social media! But because we'd rather no one from school was left out and often in reception friendships are still developing.

Absolutely nothing at all to do with being competitive and/or showing off. Or being "guilty working parents with no time so throw money at it" (although we do work). If others want smaller or no parties that's also up to them. But we wanted to be inclusive, and with a small house a bigger venue was the only way.

I don't know why people assume really negative intentions behind everything. Like if you don't invite everyone you're being cliquey/exclusive, if you do you're "showing off" or just do it for the presents - it's the same with weddings.

I couldn't afford extravagant parties this year so just did at home ones for my two. I was surprised how bloody stressful it is. I'm a single mum and their dad wouldn't get involved. Organising, planning party games, making food, sorting a cake, trying to keep the house from being torn apart, clearing up afterwards, then I had to do it again 3 weeks later. Luckily I did have a friend help with one of them otherwise I think I would have gone crazy.

I think next year I will say to ds1 that we can go to the cinema/clip n climb or somewhere like that for his birthday with a couple of friends, and maybe save for a soft play party for the youngest.

I really don't think it's about competitive spending. It's about people's stress levels. When I was a kid we didn't have extravagant parties and neither did my friends but the majority of them had mums who stayed at home and had more time to organise such things.

@Littlethingsmeanalot which is what so I said in my first post...

Your kids must go to school with some really wealthy folks. I guess you’ve a big house if you’re in london and have a house and garden where you can have a party at home though.

That's posh London for you then.

Normal people don't do this.

Also my kids both have winter birthdays so can't really have garden parties !

I'm in London & the church or school hall was approx £100. Entertainer I would have had anyway & food was all from Aldi.

I don't know why people assume really negative intentions behind everything. Like if you don't invite everyone you're being cliquey/exclusive, if you do you're "showing off" or just do it for the presents - it's the same with weddings

and blaming social media, when a whole bunch of mums are posting saying it’s about space and mess.

But never been to a kids party for 50 kids. Most entertainers have a limit.

My son is 16 with a birthday in August so doing it at home is easy. We've had stuff like nerf water gun parties in the garden which went down well.

His older sibling is March so it could be any kind of weather. When he was older he had some sleepovers but paying for a package for 10 kids was much easier.

I understand some don't have big enough houses, but there are parks too in the summer.

The park at the end of my road is packed. No way could I find a space for 50 kids there!

This isn’t new? I’m in my 40s and had an ice skating party one year, a roller skating party another and several where my DParents took a dozen over excited girls out for dinner. And I went to loads like that too. Particularly if, as was the case at my home, there was no garden…

One of my friends recently said the opposite. her DD is 7 and there’s been very few big parties, she thought covid had put an end to it.

Weve done a mixture. Full packages at softplay, parties at home, cinema and pizza parties, taken a few climbing and then back to ours.
DD liked the parties at home but i found other parents wouldn’t bloody leave and made a total pain of themselves. I don’t miss them.

DD went to one organised party at a venue where the whole school year was invited (60+ kids) and others. The mum looked so incredibly stressed throughout that everyone didn’t look like they were having enough fun! They were perfectly happy!

Me neither but the op obviously socialises and her kids go to school with very wealthy folks. What she’s writing isn’t the norm or average, it just is for her and her circle. But she’s very privalaged she can consider a party at home. Many can’t.

These people are obviously very wealthy, this isn't the norm for most kid's parties! If you have the space in London to host parties in your garden then you must be pretty well off yourself hence why you are in contact with other well off parents.