To be sad at the level of competitive spending..

[BelleMarionette]

At children's parties?

The old fashioned coming over to the family home, party games and some food and snacks seems to have disappeared.

It's now all about hiring venues, entertainers, or going to expensive places that offer packages.

I can't remember the last time my children were invited to a party in the children's house without an entertainer. Even families without a lot put on big parties.

I can't afford fancy parties, and feel embarrassed to host a 'normal' (ie just at home with food and games I organise) party.

When I was child I remember parties just being a few games or running riot in the child's home for a couple of hours.

Aibu that the norm has very much changed?

Totally agree. My son came home with a £45 present as his ‘party bag’ gift the other day. Without sounding ungrateful, it felt crass and unnecessary. We spent about £20 on her son which was plenty but it was HIS birthday. What are we teaching these kids!?

What in earth did he get that was worth so much? There's no chance it was something obtained much reduced by the parents?

Maybe it’s teaching them to share what they have and be generous to people you care about. Hardly a terrible life lesson.

Some of the people I know who spend the most actually earn the least. It can be ridiculously priced and it must be crippling

I find statements like this bizarre. Unless you know people’s financial situation, what they earn doesn’t indicate their bank balance. And the only people whose financial status you truly know is your own.

I could look at two people I know for many years who don’t earn a great deal. One of them has a rental property that very few people know about and has £1.5K rent a month in addition to her salary, yet drives a very old car and doesn’t look like she has any extra money. The other’s young children have a monthly allowance of £1000 a month from a trust fund which is used as additional family income.

Yanbu if that’s what people are doing, but yabu to think you have to get sucked into this nonesense! Just have a home party if that’s what you want to do. It’s what we’ve always done for our kids and they always have a great time. All kids really care about is having fun with their friends and eating some cake 😄 sod competitive spending!

I agree that often people with the most have their parties at home. It takes a bit of confidence to host and organise lots of small kids. For it to work, a bit off planning is required and not everyone has the confidence to do this.

Some of the best parties my kids went to were at people’s houses or gardens. A homemade birthday cake, typical party tea of sandwiches and cakes and jelly and ice cream etc. Pass the parcel and various other games. Often a dressing up theme. I remmeber a couple of at home parties for older ones too - a huge bonfire I the garden with the kids cooking sausages and then camping in the garden and doing star gazing

And isn’t there a move away from lots of plastic tat in party bags? lots of people seem to give a book or small craft set.

Parties at home do require work, create mess and need clearing up. I think less people are willing to go through it all and maybe it’s more people who don’t work or or part-time who want to do at home parties. Some parents love dreaming up a theme and making stuff for parties, but lots hate it.

One of the things that puts people off hosting at home is that parents seem to stay at parties until children are older now. So you might be factoring in double the amount of people and feeling you need to provide good and drink for the adults too. Unless it’s a small party, most people don’t feel they’ve got space for 15-30 small people plus a similar number of adults.

Peoole are also probably less community minded these days and more options are available for outsourcing, so people use them. it’s nice for children to go to a mix of things I think. Parties are fun and they are lucky and create nice childhood memories if they get to go to a good few.

I wonder if this is partly due to the increase in allergies? I would love to drop and run but never feel it is fair (on my child or the host parents) to drop off an anaphylactic child and his epipens and scamper off . Even if they know a lot about allergies they have all the other work of being hosts to think about.

Class sizes are huge, and most people like to offer inclusive whole class parties when the dc are young, so there is no option but to do a big party. Our parties have got smaller as the dc have aged and are at home more often now. Tea parties, sleepovers etc.

The difference is the population explosion. I typically had ten children at my own party - easily doable at home.

Very few people want to waste money with competitive parties in my experience!

It’s a bit like discussions about how much people spend at Christmas…..people who COULD afford to spend a lot, but choose not to, feel confident to organise and host seemingly simple events at home or in parks. They don’t feel they are letting their kids down by not providing an expensive outsourced party and in act, perhaps revel in the simplicity.
For those who can’t afford an outsourced party, or expensive acitivities or party bags, it’s easy to feel that you’ve let your kids down or that everyone else is judging you. It’s also why sometimes those with less, sound more and like to make a big show…it’s important to them that their child and others see them spending lots.

I suppose the ultimate home party for older kids is a pool party at the host’s family home where they have a large garden and lovely pool for the kids to swim in, followed by a sumptuous barbecue and maybe games in the wooded area of the garden. Most people aren’t going to be hosting that kind of party at home!

We've done some at home parties but by the time you get a bouncy castle or some sort of activity/games sorted, all the food drinks, party bags and time and effort clearing up the price isn't massively different. When the kids are older it is much cheaper as can do away with an activity. I'd be more annoyed at party places charging £20 per child for a go in their venue and one slice of pizza. They should offer decent discounts but charge over the odds.

Don't feel sad. The parties you describe are certainly nothing new. It was common even 20 years ago when my children were young. The people that didn't have them generally were those with huge houses (so they had a party at home) or had children with summer birthdays so they could have the party in the garden/park.

I agree that often people with the most have their parties at home.

Absolutely. The only parties my kids have been invited to in people’s homes are in big houses with large gardens.

Thrre is no way I could invite 20+ people to my semi! They simply wouldn’t fit. But if I had a large house and garden, it’ would be lovely to have parties at home.

We mostly did venues, as did DS's peers but the only child that had a whole class party was the child whose mother was the class TA, everyone else has around 10 children. Later primary years this changed to an outing with a couple of best friends .

We did one party which was combined home/venue - we took the children to the soft play on the normal entry fee for an hour and then did birthday tea and games in the garden afterwards - and yes I do think the children enjoyed that - mainly soaking each other with water guns!

This would have been 2006 - 2011. Working class area and no social media - and if others were posting, I didn't see it .

Also, timing is an issue. My two were both born in October so a house party that spills out into the garden isn't really an option. May/June birthdays are better for house/garden. It's the soft play or a venue party for us.

YABU. At DS’s 3rd birthday last year we invited friends and their parents to ours. No entertainer- we did it all. They played Pass the Parcel, had a homemade lucky dip, a party tea, birthday cake, jelly and ice cream and party bags - a good time had by all.

His 4th birthday we hired a church hall (£45 for the whole afternoon as we attended their playgroup). We had to have a hall this time as our house is very small and we wanted to invite more of DS’s nursery class. But still no entertainer or bouncy castle etc. We invited the children to come in optional fancy dress, then did Pass the Parcel, Musical Statues, the Hokey Cokey, had a party tea, birthday cake and did party bags. We also took loads of DS’s toys and laid them out on the floor for the children to play with, and put some colouring books, felt tips and paper masks on a table for children who wanted quieter activities. We did the catering and made his cake. It wasn’t that pricey at all. For the grown ups we provided tea, coffee, squash and nibbles.

If we hadn’t been able to afford it we’d have invited a smaller group of 3 or 4 back to ours to play and have a party tea, and that would’ve been absolutely fine. Please don’t feel bad for not doing big parties - they’re not compulsory and often DC get so overwhelmed and don’t actually like them. Our DS loves the simple things in life, and I think just doing old fashioned (free) party games is lovely, and more than enough.