To be sad at the level of competitive spending..

[BelleMarionette]

At children's parties?

The old fashioned coming over to the family home, party games and some food and snacks seems to have disappeared.

It's now all about hiring venues, entertainers, or going to expensive places that offer packages.

I can't remember the last time my children were invited to a party in the children's house without an entertainer. Even families without a lot put on big parties.

I can't afford fancy parties, and feel embarrassed to host a 'normal' (ie just at home with food and games I organise) party.

When I was child I remember parties just being a few games or running riot in the child's home for a couple of hours.

Aibu that the norm has very much changed?

For us it has always been that it's easier to have a party at a venue. We don't have to clean the house top to bottom while simultaneously having to work full-time and then also keep it clean until the party. We don't have to decorate for the party. We don't have to bring in extra food for the party. We don't have to clean up after the party. Not to mention having to come up with games and activities.

It's so much less stressful to just pay $300 and have everything done for you.

This I think, we increasingly 2 working parents, just don't have the time and inclination to devote to preparing a child's party.

I don't think its about social media etc at all.

I don't use any social media to share pictures and I don't follow any either but I'm still planning on a venue party for my nearly 2 year old.

For me it's because I view it as part of her present (it's at a place she will love and includes access to full day of attractions).

I've been to kids parties set up like you describe and generally everyone seems miserable, kids and parents are bored and parents need to prepare beforehand and clean up afterwards. I just wouldn't want to do that!

I'd rather spend £15 per child to invite some of her close friends to a venue they'll all enjoy and I need to do nothing but turn up

I don't think it's about trying to show off, but some people don't want a horde of small children in their house or don't have room for them so they either hire an activity place (soft play / laser tag / bushcraft or whatever) or a village hall with an entertainer. We always have parties at home, but we have a big house and live on a farm so loads of room for the children to play and do scavenger hunts or build dens. I am.also not precious about the house getting messy. I wouldn't say it costs a lot less though by the time I've bought all the food and drinks, and done party bags I reckon I've spent £150-200 so I could have taken slightly fewer children to a party package thing at an activity. The big advantage though of parties at home is my children can invite more friends rather than have to pick and choose, plus all the kids seem to really love just being allowed to run around outside playing, something my children do all the time but I suspect a lot of their friends don't spend much time playing outdoors normally as they are either at scheduled activities / lessons or gaming inside, so its a novelty for them.

Ha ha, definitely not competitive spending on my part. We lived in a tiny flat, so had to organise parties in a venue. I am not a born children’s entertainment so they would have been rubbish if I hadn’t booked entertainment

I totally agree with you and find it sad that my kids have been to so few ‘at home’ parties.

We do ‘at home’ here until they are about 6/7. Early ones are pass the parcel, musical statues, pin the tail etc. As they get a bit bigger I’ve followed their interests, so game tournaments, crafting, cake decorating, Harry Potter treasure hunt around the park, dance competition etc.

DH and I do it all - no hired help - including a homemade birthday cake. They love it! We have about 10-15 kids max and clean up takes about 30 minutes if both parents zoom around straight after.

From about 7 they generally go for an activity out with a few friends instead then back to ours for (homemade) cake and a run around.

I have done the usual packages around here. For us it was never about competitive spending, but more about:

• not having a house big enough
• not wanting all these kids and parents in our house (not a trendy house, tired, messy)
• not being able to tidy enough to host and then have the time to clean afterwards (WFT, exhausted, with a chronic condition)
• worried about kids breaking something at home
• Having to take an extra level of responsibility looking after these kids, who sometimes I have not seen before, so park is not an option because I would struggle to distinguish Peter from James.
• Wanting a quick party that my kid will remember but it's stress free for us
• It has a time limit, usually 2h, and they clean up and provide the food
• Sometimes you pay for the place and you can invite as many kids as you want. I remember booking the sports hall for £60 (2h) so I could invite all class. So I got an entertainer and it was not as expensive as people might have thought overall. Cheaper than the 10-kids trampolining parties later on.

I'm a 90s kid and parties were a mix of at home - usually with an entertainer of some sort, a church hall with an entertainer/activity of some sort or the occasional trip to a leisure centre/play place. Past about year 4, most people narrowed it down to a meal and activity with just their friends, occasionally someone had a larger disco.

On a basic level it just sounds like the balance has swung further in favour of out the house parties but I agree that for the people who will put it all on social media, everything is way more elaborate than it used to be- balloon arches, not just balloons, massive elaborate cakes etc. That said, someone I follow on social media - who is comfortably off but is normal/not an influencer, has had two huge themed parties for her 1 year old in the space of 2 weeks. The effort is amazing but whay 1yo needs balloon arches, custom printed everything and elaborate decs? Do what you want but for me personally it felt a lot too much.

Also agree that party tea beats venue food into a cocked hat. DP is an adult but loves a buffet lunch and a cake - aka grown up party tea- with family for his birthday!

@DorotheaHomeAlone I totally agree with you and find it sad that my kids have been to so few ‘at home’ parties.

Why do you find it sad that other people value different things to you?

Winter birthday and my house isn't big enough for everyone so not much choice. You are lucky that you have the space.

That sounds like you have a lot of resources at your disposal there: space, time, energy. Is that why you think it's sad that your kids haven't been to many similar, because you know how many parents don't have those resources?

I duno I just don't want kids in my house! We did a couple of tea and cake parties with the family when the DC's were small, then we did class parties in halls for their first few years when they'd just started school (with second DC I knew some other parents at the school so could do joint parties which splits the cost) and now they're a bit older it's a couple friends for a sleep over/bowling/cinema.

I'm in my mid 30's and we all had parties at the local leisure centre/village hall so I don't think it's a particularly new thing.

Mine are older now and we always did the whole church hall, garden with a bouncy castle, disco, pottery painting type of thing. Some of the people I know who spend the most actually earn the least. It can be ridiculously priced and it must be crippling.

totally agree with you and find it sad that my kids have been to so few ‘at home’ parties.

I find it sad that posters assume that everything is competive because they either can’t afford it and/or expect everyone to have the same means and values as they do about it.

Many posters have explained why they don’t want to do at-home parties, reasons being the size of their home, the work of tidying up, decorating for the party, and cleaning up after, weather and not wanting x amount of children and parents in their home which are perfectly valid reasons not to.

There is nothing wrong with either type of parties, it is just a matter of preference and what people can afford and are comfortable with.

I agree, and I find it really irritating when the posters try to imply some sort of moral superiority and simplicity over parents who choose to host their child’s party outside the home without recognising that they clearly have resources available to them that others may not.

I remember taking a small group to Build a Bear for a party followed by McDs. It worked out cheaper than hiring a hall, making food, getting party bags and making pass the parcel for what would've be three times the number of kids. We didn't have the room to have a party at home.

People still do have these sorts of parties but I think it's sometimes just easier on time and money to go to soft play etc. There are always parents who do competitive parties. I remember going to a party that had a magician that made balloon animals and we all had take away Burger King to eat. There was another entertainer before the magician as well. I just remember being very bored 😂 and us all wondering when we'd play pass the parcel...

Exactly.

When we were doing full class parties we always hired a venue and entertainer or went to soft play which included catering. We'd split cost 50/50 with another family. No way we could do in our home and one DS has winter birthday so can't do garden party. Now we have smaller parties I have hosted at home and it's absolutely hell! So much work, noisy, exhausting. Something always gets broken. I was so glad my DS asked for trampoline party as I don't think I can face another house party.

I did a party at soft play simply because I can’t think of anything worse than trying to entertain a group of primary schoolers

Wow! Very defensive posters here. We have a small house, small garden and I work and have three kids so pretty time poor. My point was the opposite. Kids need a lot less than people think they do. No big spend, balloon arch, professional entertainment necessary.

Our house is small, and having winter birthdays means the garden isn't a reliable option. Having a birthday party here just wouldn't work well, I'd find it so stressful.

There's no way round the fact that the parties you describe hosting at your home required resources, and that those resources aren't accessible to some parents. Your full time work and 3 DC evidently didn't preclude that.

Fwiw I've held parties at home too, making extensive use of the garden that I'm privileged to have and that many parents don't have access to, so I understand this from experience. Gardens cost more than a couple of hours at soft play.

Rants about how "sad" it is for the children that other parents value different things or host different parties then whinges because apparently other people are being 'defensive' when it was your blatant rudeness...

Not one person on the thread has claimed that children ‘need’ a big spend, professional entertainment or a balloon arch. No one thinks that. But lots of people have said that they find externally hosted parties work better for their family, usually due to constraints on time or space.

Also, any house and garden in which you can comfortably accommodate 3 children of your own plus 10-15 children as party guests isn’t small.