To be sad at the level of competitive spending..

[BelleMarionette]

At children's parties?

The old fashioned coming over to the family home, party games and some food and snacks seems to have disappeared.

It's now all about hiring venues, entertainers, or going to expensive places that offer packages.

I can't remember the last time my children were invited to a party in the children's house without an entertainer. Even families without a lot put on big parties.

I can't afford fancy parties, and feel embarrassed to host a 'normal' (ie just at home with food and games I organise) party.

When I was child I remember parties just being a few games or running riot in the child's home for a couple of hours.

Aibu that the norm has very much changed?

The equivalent of a soft play back in the 90s was a party in the leisure centre with a big bouncy castle and inflatable slide.
I went to loads of parties there as a child, as well as had some of my own.

Most people just don’t want loads of kids running about their house if they don’t have to. It’s not a new thing.

My youngest has only ever had at home parties, this year she turns 6 and will have her first venue party because she really wants one. My older 2 have had a mix of home and venue, luckily their birthdays are the same week so it’s 2 birthdays in one hit.

I’ve also shared the costs of parties in the past with other parents.

This year I paid for a venue, entertainment & food because I didn’t have the energy to even think about organising a party myself and wanted someone else to do all the work. I didn’t even do the party bags and cakes this year as my DDs wanted to do it on their own, so I left them too it.

I agree. When I was a kid you'd invite 8 or 10 of your closest friends and play party games at home. Later on you'd have party food, pop and a home made birthday cake. None of these fancy bakery cakes that are all sickly sweet with too much icing and toppings. It's just got ridiculous.

As a working mum I like to just be able to roll up at soft play/ laser tag/ trampoline park/ science museum etc. It's not competitive spending just least hassle. Some years we've shared with another child. All the kids enjoy it, and we can afford it. We don't usually do an expensive party every year though, never spent more than £250 on any party. Our kids have probably had an expensive party one year in three through primary.

I’m mid 30s and it was common to have full or at least nearly full class parties. And it was common for parents to stay then just as it is now, why is it the hosting parents job to look after 30 5 year olds?

Absolutely agree with you. We could budget for a bigger party but it’s unessasary.

We have great fun at home, the kids love it.

I have said one big party for my son and will likely do it when he is in reception because I couldn’t cope with that many children at home but then we will be going back to garden parties or having a few friends for a day out.

-There will be no balloon arches at the ‘big party’ however, I will just get a bouncy castle and some ride on car things and shove it in a sports hall.

With my DCs (not that long ago) we always had parties in a local park. With races and party games on the grass (lots of room, obviously) and a picnic on rugs on the grass. This always went down really well. And it meant that parents could hang around if they wanted, without having to socialise if they didn't want to - they could just sit nearby on a bench, or go for a walk in the park. And there was no mess - just some things to throw away in the park bins. Could you do this? Assuming it's a summer birthday or you can move it to the summer.

It’s not competitive spending.
I easily spend more than most of my children’s peer group. I don’t give a shit - I’m just doing what I want to do.
The other parents take the piss, “chartering a plane for NYC next year do you think?”
I do my thing, they do their thing, the kids love every variety of party that they go to.
None of them put any “show off” pictures on social media.
Sometimes it’s just people making their own choices and you don’t have to be snide about it 🤷🏻‍♀️

My dd started nursery in September and has been to a few parties. They best one by far was a rented church hall, a 'dj' (not a proper one) and some old fashioned party food. There wasn't even any games, it was just dancing and chasing each other.

All the kids loved it

For my DD birthday we had it in the grandparents house. Couldn’t be bothered with the entire faff of it all!

Many people have smaller houses and gardens now though? And more families have parents who both work (or single parent families) so less time to pull together a party.

I had mostly at home parties as a kid and I can remember my parents complaining about the amount of work it was, having to deal with behaviour (kids racing off upstairs and going into rooms they weren't meant to etc). One year they hired an entertainer which apparently was expensive but money very well spent!

We've hired a hall and entertainer for DD's party, and done the food ourselves which was a good half way point. It still felt like a lot of work though with the prep and then clear up. Had to pay for four hours hire so we had time to set up and then clear away afterwards. The beauty of the soft play type parties is you pretty much just turn up with a cake and it's all provided for you and no clearing up.

Also, space in houses/gardens. I've been to a couple of at home parties recently which only worked because it was good weather and everyone could be outside. It wouldn't have worked in the rain. And I know a lot of parents who live in flats so no garden or who only have a tiny garden so not room for a bouncy castle.

Informal parties at the park seem popular now as a way of keeping costs down. But only really works for summer birthdays and still requires a fair amount of prep to do the food and get it there.

My eldest is 30. We did have some at home parties but probably more at places like leisure centres, soft play and when they were a bit older bowling, cinema, TGI Fridays. Some of their friends had parties on the beach. The most stressful party was a sleepover for around six girls. It was a nightmare! The mess. DH still gets traumatised if I remind him about it 😂. It wasn’t repeated.

I've done a mixture, although didn't have it at my house as its too small but hired a hall very cheaply & made a buffet and played party games. She loved it but it was a lot of work keeping the kids entertained. We do a rule of a party every 2nd year to keep costs down. But always do a nice dinner and one or 2 friends over on non party years. My dd has gone to parties in houses and venues and enjoyed both equally though!

This.
It was purely a matter of convenience when the dcs were younger .
All I had to do was phone up the venue , tell them what I wanted and that was that
Many of the parties at these venues are for two hours.
When you host parties at home they are likely to end later and to be frank I didn’t want to have to do any clearing up

Absolutely.

I remember one boy throwing a £300 remote control robot belonging to my DH down the stairs. He’d gone into my DHs office even though I said he wasn’t allowed and shut the door. As soon as I got distracted he was back in there. He also pulled several Lego bits of my DHs very expensive collections.

It isn’t like that we’re we live. We went to a whole class party in our local village hall last week and it was done that cheaply they didn’t even provide refreshments for the parents

We always had parties at home for my kids, just sent a general invite to all. Family and some Mums helped with preparations and tidying up afterwards. We made up our own games, which the kids loved, prepared the food, party bags and I made the birthday cake. We all helped with each other’s parties and changed the theme a little so there was always a surprise for the kids. Great happy memories.

@Ginisatonic I've also done a sleepover & was traumatised by it 🤣 never again. 1 friend at a time I can do no problem!

Most parents hire a venue to avoid mess, a clear start and finish time, can cater for more than 10-20 children.

We have two classes there’s no way I want them in my house!

I agree it’s wasteful though, cheap plastic tat.

Not competitive spending. I’m very happy to pay not to have to host and think up things for the kids to do!! Would much rather pay thank you

Not about competitive spending with me. I have a winter born child and a smallish home so hiring a softplay type thing works well. I don't do it to show off.

Competitive spending is due to Social Media, everything has to be elaborate.
Birthday parties/ Christmas/ Hen party ‘weekends’ and the recent phenomenon that everybody has to have a Baby Shower.
Everyone can then share their photos on SM as if it’s evidence of how successful they are to splash out huge amounts of money when in actual fact they are in debt up to their eyeballs.
Also makes all their friends that view these photos on SM feel totally inadequate.
A very sad sign of the times.

People pay for the convenience of having it outside your house and having someone else run the party for you. We have more disposable income than my parents generation and like to use it to celebrate the kids birthdays.

We also aren't religious so have done christenings and other traditional Christian celebrations, so birthdays have become an important opportunity to get everyone together and celebrate.

I can understand going to a venue to avoid the hassle of having it in a house but, we went to a home 4 yo birthday recently and it was so much fun for the kids. They don't notice the price of things.

My oldest is 4 yo and I've been shocked by the amount of plastic and sugar in party bags. They seem so unnecessary to me but I'm not originally from the UK so maybe its a cultural thing.

Have not done, that should say.