So I really don’t know why this thread blew up so much but it’s actually gone so far beyond what I came here asking and is now purely about the semantics of the terms I use to describe this person. This will be my last post here and it’ll be a long time before I start another thread given to vitriol I’ve read here.
My question was around how unreasonable is it that I am upset that I now have to make space for this person and change how my life operates as a result of her most recent break up and needing support, financial and practical, from my mother after years of abusing and then ignoring her and keeping her from her grandson.
I’m not overly enmeshed with my mother, we are very close, we live close by, I pop in for a cuppa a couple of times a week and spend a day or evening at the weekend having dinner etc. i value our relationship and put a lot of effort in so that they know I love and appreciate them. I don’t think that’s abnormal?
To the poster saying I’m lying to myself that I’m happy and insinuating that therapy hasn’t worked for me. This is completely untrue. I have a lovely home, an amazing DC and family, great social circle, fantastic job, enjoyable hobbies. Literally couldn’t be happier with my lot in life and my investment of time, effort and money in therapy has helped in this respect. I've overcome a lot from the death of my father, abuse and sexual assault, I've worked hard to get where I am and to the poster saying this is a big lie im telling myself... frankly, you can fuck right off.
We had a great childhood, my father died so it wasn’t as if I was bounced around from man to man by my mother. I fell out with this person’s father, my step father, in my adult years. He was always a bit useless anyway and proved it to me when he chose to side with my DC father during our breakup as they were friends… despite the abuse I suffered in the relationship.
I was always a good sister to this person. I always referred to her as a half sister, as this is what she is. I moved out when she entered her teen years and it all went downhill from there. Drugs, drink, lying, stealing, violence and domestic violence that lead to ambulances being called and houses being trashed. Children now being raised who will never know who their real father is. I was still there for it all. As was my mother. But when does it end? When is enough? At what age do you draw a line and say this person is just a very very bad egg and is never going to change and you need to walk away? Like another poster said, if this was a half brother and he was beating seven shades of shit out of every single partner he had this would be a different thread. Im sure the calls to go NC and protect my mother from him would be numerous.
I walked away but watched my Mom continually pick up the pieces of this girls life, pay huge sums of money to bail her out only to be lied to, stolen from, hurt and abused and basically told to basically go fuck herself over and over. Which obviously became more hurtful when there was a child involved.
Of course I’m upset, upset that Mum is probably going to get hurt again, upset that me and my own DC now can’t just pop over and we have to share time and organise visits so that we don’t meet. All because of the whims of this girl that are purely down to the fact that she need bailing out, yet again.
Anyway, there it is, I don’t think I’m being overly unreasonable and I’m baffled with how this thread has gone. Won’t be back here, some of you really are out to kick a person when they’re down and should take a hard look at yourselves.