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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a flashy car to fit in?

315 replies

Lustingovercar · 27/05/2023 20:42

I currently have a small- medium sized EV. Not a premium or anything. Really could do with a longer range EV or go back to ICE. (We no longer fly so holidays are exclusively drive and EV is a bit tricky - current range is 120 miles but on motorway get less than 100) Also have 3 DC and two large dogs so it’s hard to fit in current one.

We live in an area where cars do matter. There’s a lot of premium brands in our area, on school runs etc. I would like to be seen in a big beautiful car (just being honest here because I can on MN!) however I like the fact that my EV is better for the environment. We can afford a big LR Discovery and it would be easier for the kids etc BUT should I really just buy one to fit in?

Lots of mums who lunch/ swishy hair/ large premium SUVs in my area. I work, and drive a small car. I can’t help feeling that I’d fit in a bit more (and, yes, find it easier to make friends) if I had the ‘right’ car.

Please be kind, as I’m just being honest and seeing what people think..

OP posts:
Beezknees · 28/05/2023 17:55

Sigmama · 28/05/2023 13:22

Beezkneez - lots of people do indeed make friends at the school gate, having kids of the same age who go to the same school and live locally, is plenty in common with the other parents

I know they do, but OP clearly doesn't have much in common with these particular ones if all they care about is what car you drive.

Sigmama · 28/05/2023 17:59

Beezneez, If we dig beneath the surface we all have a lot more in common that we think, and I was actually referring to your post where you said you had nothing in common with the other parents

Beezknees · 28/05/2023 18:05

Sigmama · 28/05/2023 17:59

Beezneez, If we dig beneath the surface we all have a lot more in common that we think, and I was actually referring to your post where you said you had nothing in common with the other parents

I spent 7 years doing the school runs and talking to the same parents, plenty of time for me to realise that we didn't have much in common!

Sigmama · 28/05/2023 18:16

Fair enough, that's your individual experience, i thought you were implying why bother to the op

Beezknees · 28/05/2023 18:31

Sigmama · 28/05/2023 18:16

Fair enough, that's your individual experience, i thought you were implying why bother to the op

Well I was in a way, if it's really true that all they look down on OP for not having a flashy car then why would she want to be their friend? They wouldn't be real friends in that case.

Rollonannualeave · 28/05/2023 18:35

Evs are flashy. I know what you mean as I also live in an area like that. I have an eV and it makes me feel progressive. Why go back to a gass guzzler?

Rollonannualeave · 28/05/2023 18:42

I feel similar about my home op. It's a humble end of terrace whilst the other mums houses around here are wow. But they don't realise I have a second home a five bed farmhouse with an annex up north. They do treat me super different due to my perceived lack of wealth.

KarmaStar · 28/05/2023 19:06

You are looking in the wrong place for validation and acceptance lovely,it comes from within.
work on your self confidence,stop trying to fit in and be accepted as part of a herd of sheep.
so you've never fitted in? Because you are you,you're independent,enjoy it and be proud of yourselves for not fitting in!who needs to fit in?nobody.Be you and stop apologising for it.💐

Ozgirl75 · 28/05/2023 19:48

You must live in the north I’m guessing, I know people think the south is snobbier but I’ve lived in Sussex and Surrey and people are actually pretty subtle if they’re wealthy, there isn’t a show offey atmosphere here at all. Maybe if you head closer to London but maybe because it tends to be older wealth here perhaps? I don’t know - but a friend of mine lives in Cheshire and she says the mums are a lot more into false nails and Chelsea tractors and the very done up look that isn’t prevalent down here at all.

pigsDOfly · 28/05/2023 19:56

Sounds incredibly hard work.

Rather than buying a car to fit in with all the swishy haired and big car owning mothers perhaps you'd make more, and better, friends if you moved to a less shallow type of area.

Lcb123 · 28/05/2023 20:17

Why on earth would you want to be friends with people who care what car you have. Cannot think of anything more shallow

NosyHamster · 28/05/2023 20:19

Ozgirl75 · 28/05/2023 19:48

You must live in the north I’m guessing, I know people think the south is snobbier but I’ve lived in Sussex and Surrey and people are actually pretty subtle if they’re wealthy, there isn’t a show offey atmosphere here at all. Maybe if you head closer to London but maybe because it tends to be older wealth here perhaps? I don’t know - but a friend of mine lives in Cheshire and she says the mums are a lot more into false nails and Chelsea tractors and the very done up look that isn’t prevalent down here at all.

Interesting point, we have friends in a fairly nice part of London and everyone appears very casual. I always associate heavy tan, brows and bling with the north

Rollonannualeave · 28/05/2023 21:34

Also isn't it bad for kids lungs to have all those cars chugging away outside the school gates?

Blondewithredlips · 28/05/2023 21:35

WomanFromTheNorth · 27/05/2023 20:45

But do you really want to be friends with the type of person who judges you for the car you drive? I know I wouldn't...

This

Nopenotrightnow · 28/05/2023 22:19

I'm old enough to remember having to "open the choke" to actually get a car moving. Life experience says buying a car to fit in will not buy you friends.

Stompythedinosaur · 28/05/2023 22:28

Nobody has ever based a genuine friendship on what car you drive.

I doubt the issues you have noticed are anything to do with your car.

Can you try volunteering for the PTA? It's not a bad way to meet other mums.

Fandabedodgy · 28/05/2023 22:28

Cars don't matter. Neither does swishy hair.

You need to get a hobby or a job. Something to help you find perspective.

Esjolaol1973 · 28/05/2023 22:36

Slightly off topic burn what is swishy hair ?🤦‍♀️

BackAgainstWall · 28/05/2023 23:14

Your life your choice.

NosyHamster · 29/05/2023 00:18

Esjolaol1973 · 28/05/2023 22:36

Slightly off topic burn what is swishy hair ?🤦‍♀️

I think it’s very long, perfectly shiny hair. I’ve got the right car but have totally failed on this bit!

WetBandits · 29/05/2023 00:21

My neighbour has a LR Evoque and the personality to match. There’s space for four considerately-parked cars in our road yet he parks slap bang in the middle of that space so you only can fit one more car there if you’re lucky. We call him LR Wanker 🙂

If you’re gonna get on, don’t be a LR Wanker.

WetBandits · 29/05/2023 00:22

one*

Thedogscollar · 29/05/2023 00:34

Ffs I've just done a shift where a new mum has ended up on ITU her life is hanging by a fucking thread. I can't switch off and I come on MN and read thus utter fucking bollox.
Christ I'm so pissed off right now

WetBandits · 29/05/2023 00:48

Thedogscollar · 29/05/2023 00:34

Ffs I've just done a shift where a new mum has ended up on ITU her life is hanging by a fucking thread. I can't switch off and I come on MN and read thus utter fucking bollox.
Christ I'm so pissed off right now

Flowers

First world problems, eh. I hope your pt pulls through ❤️‍🩹

Thedogscollar · 29/05/2023 00:51

Thank you @WetBandits
I hope so too. It's been one hell of a day.