To want a flashy car to fit in?

[Lustingovercar]

I currently have a small- medium sized EV. Not a premium or anything. Really could do with a longer range EV or go back to ICE. (We no longer fly so holidays are exclusively drive and EV is a bit tricky - current range is 120 miles but on motorway get less than 100) Also have 3 DC and two large dogs so it’s hard to fit in current one.

We live in an area where cars do matter. There’s a lot of premium brands in our area, on school runs etc. I would like to be seen in a big beautiful car (just being honest here because I can on MN!) however I like the fact that my EV is better for the environment. We can afford a big LR Discovery and it would be easier for the kids etc BUT should I really just buy one to fit in?

Lots of mums who lunch/ swishy hair/ large premium SUVs in my area. I work, and drive a small car. I can’t help feeling that I’d fit in a bit more (and, yes, find it easier to make friends) if I had the ‘right’ car.

Please be kind, as I’m just being honest and seeing what people think..

Are you teaching your DC to value people for who they are, or to be persuaded by luxury goods?

think about the values you hold dear - honesty, decency, compassion etc - and choose pals who value these more than superficial signs of wealth or you will never be happy or have meaningful relationships.

Buckinghamshire?

On the fence with this. I have one of the cars you're talking about, as do a lot of people near me/at the school. However I don't think many people judge others on their cars (some people judge others for anything). In fact, one of my friends is a horsey type and often turns up in a very old car that's full of mud etc if she's come straight from riding. No one judged her.

Personally I'd worry about making a large purchase and things not improving regarding friendships. For me I'd invest a bit of time first. Perhaps you can arrange a coffee?

This reminds me of an OLD date. It was a gorgeous sunny day and we'd agreed to meet outside for a drink. I knew immediately on sight he wasn't for me. Anyway I was happy to stay outside and have lunch but, no, he had tickets for an art fair, really wanted to go, and offered to drive. As soon as I saw his car I knew why. He wanted to show off his massive brand new Porsche and tbh I felt very self-conscious in it. It was all a bit tragic and I never saw him again!

Can't you make your hair swishy, that seems to be one of the criteria and is a lot easier than changing your car, probably you could buy a wig if your hair isn't the right type.

I drive an old 09 plate corsa with a few dents etc.

I was actually thinking about this the other day. What's the point of driving a flashy car? You can't see it when you're in it and it doesn't get you there any faster.

I agree, people are being harsh. Most of us carry some sort of insecurities from childhood with us - you are never too old for this shit - and sometimes it manifests in weird ways.

OP, I think you know deep down this isn't going to solve anything, perhaps like people have suggested you could try joining an activity or sport to give you more of a social outlet. At least then you would have a common thing to talk about.

I’m entirely sympathetic to the OP’s evident loneliness, but being brainwashed into a ‘cars matter because I live somewhere aspirational’ mindset to the point where she would even contemplate buying a car to ‘fit in’ is ridiculous. It’s the leftover childhood thinking of someone who was told by the class bully ‘You’re not allowed to have lunch with us because you don’t have a Barbie lunchbox!’

OP, this might amuse you. I too once lived in a village which bristled with well-off lower-middle-class consumer aspirationalism which yes, did absolutely express itself through noticing what car people drove. Our car (DH’s company car) ‘passed’ with flying colours, but I ‘failed’ because, rather than driving it, I cycled everywhere. This caused mass bemusement. Was something wrong with me? Why did I cycle around with DS on a child seat ? Why did I use public transport to work? Why did I work FT when surely I didn’t ‘need to’? Why didn’t I blowdry my hair straight? Why did I wear those clothes?

Still didn’t gel.😀

I was given a 1971 MG Midget 20 years ago and still have it. It costs £100 in insurance and no mot no tax. Can you get yourself a second fun car like this?

A car will not alter your ability to make friendships. I would say you would benefit on working in your confidence

There is a quote I like to remind myself of often " We work more and more hours to get more and more money to buy more and more things we don't need to impress people we don't even like'.
The people who truly like you won't care what you wear,what you drive, whether you have swishy hair. The shallow, fake types will only like you because of what you wear, what you drive, and whether you have swishy hair. If something awful happens in your life you won't see those people for dust.

I just had a Bay City Rollers tartan lunchbox flashback. I had a tupperware lunchbox, bought from the tupperware man who used to sell door to door in the early 70s. Lots of the girls in my class had the Bay City Rollers lunchboxes. I wasn't allowed to be part of their group.

So should I get rid of my EV and go back to an ICE car? Obviously I don’t want to derail the thread, but it’s a genuine question.

I do appreciate your comments regarding mining and understand that it’s a huge problem.

Hi OP. You don't need to buy a flashy car to fit in. Why do you feel the need to fit in with people who would want to be friends with you because of the car you drive, house you live in, type of career you have. List is endless.
I totally get you are feeling lonely but you do not need these type of people in your live.
I totally get where you are coming from. I live in a affluent village and most people have these types of cars. The school my DC's go to are the same. We sent them privately due to them needing extra help with their learning. I am lucky to be able to afford this but i also dont feel the need to fit in, or do I want too. It has been lonely but I have found some lovely friends due to a hobby I attend. I don't need these shallow people in my life.
My car is ok, it is safe but it is nothing to look at but it is reliable. I love it.
Don't try to fit in OP. Just be you and work on your confidence. Good luck.

Hmm. You sound like a normal decent human and the swishy haired big car brigade are generally (not always but…) a bunch of twats. Like the cool girls at school but grown up. I’d steer clear if I were you.

Ah you're not unreasonable wanting to fit in, but maybe you're trying to fit in with the wrong people!

We're well off. Guess who had the oldest car with the window that only closed when you hit the door in a specific place? I have no idea what cars my friends at school drive 🤷‍♀️. I'd be hard pushed to tell you what I drive past the badge on the front.

Look for some nice people to be friendly with!

If your current car genuinely doesn't fit your needs then change.

Do not change just to fit in with the 'Chelsea tractor' brigade. They're all trying to keep up with the Jones's anyway, and the Joneses are permanently broke.

And don't convince yourself you need a bigger car as an excuse if you actually don't. Be honest with yourself and only buy it for the right reasons.

Late dh worked for a premium brand so we got our cars for cheap for years, I do think people treat you differently.

Yes I agree with this. I think the truth is that I do need a bigger car (we can’t all fit in mine) and one which can go further than 100 miles on a tank. But we really don’t need a massive or flashy premium brand.

Currently thinking of something suitable but bigger, maybe a Ford S Max or a VW Touran (MPV). All the DC are in car seats so it’s a bit tricky.

Of course cars matter and people judge all the time

There will be plenty on this threads with shiny Audi's in the drive patronising you saying you must live somewhere they couldn't stand....

Beezkneez - lots of people do indeed make friends at the school gate, having kids of the same age who go to the same school and live locally, is plenty in common with the other parents

Ssd, I negatively judge people who drive flash cars, overt displays of wealth are naff as hell

There was a thread on here a couple of weeks ago about people needing 3 car seats and the Peugeot 5008 seemed to come highly recommended @Lustingovercar .

But would you honestly want to be friends with people who were this superficial? I live in a traditionally wealthy area where a lot of people have money, but usually walk or cycle everywhere, because we’re close to the city centre, hospitals and university. I couldn’t tell you what cars most of our neighbours drive.

I know. I despair really.