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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a flashy car to fit in?

315 replies

Lustingovercar · 27/05/2023 20:42

I currently have a small- medium sized EV. Not a premium or anything. Really could do with a longer range EV or go back to ICE. (We no longer fly so holidays are exclusively drive and EV is a bit tricky - current range is 120 miles but on motorway get less than 100) Also have 3 DC and two large dogs so it’s hard to fit in current one.

We live in an area where cars do matter. There’s a lot of premium brands in our area, on school runs etc. I would like to be seen in a big beautiful car (just being honest here because I can on MN!) however I like the fact that my EV is better for the environment. We can afford a big LR Discovery and it would be easier for the kids etc BUT should I really just buy one to fit in?

Lots of mums who lunch/ swishy hair/ large premium SUVs in my area. I work, and drive a small car. I can’t help feeling that I’d fit in a bit more (and, yes, find it easier to make friends) if I had the ‘right’ car.

Please be kind, as I’m just being honest and seeing what people think..

OP posts:
YeahOkWhatever · 29/05/2023 00:58

Cars are not important to any of my friendships, and neither I don't think, they should be....

Fighterofthenightman1 · 29/05/2023 01:05

Don't know about anyone else, but I don't give a shit or second thought to what cars the other parents have at school.

Cars aren't even reliable indicators of wealth if that's what people are judging.

Whywere · 29/05/2023 06:09

Honestly OP, I think the problem here is your self esteem rather than the car you drive. And possibly the area you live in too.

you sound like a really nice, genuine person who just wants some mates. Swishy haired discovery drivers who judge you on what you drive are not going to be your People.

Buy the car you like. Look for others who don’t ‘fit in’ and ask them for a coffee. If there’s honestly no one else with a normal car, then move to somewhere where people have their priorities right.

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 29/05/2023 07:13

WetBandits · 29/05/2023 00:21

My neighbour has a LR Evoque and the personality to match. There’s space for four considerately-parked cars in our road yet he parks slap bang in the middle of that space so you only can fit one more car there if you’re lucky. We call him LR Wanker 🙂

If you’re gonna get on, don’t be a LR Wanker.

They get stolen a lot so might not have it long.

Its nice to have nice things 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’ve been poor and well off and I know which I preferred.

Original poster
Lustingovercar · 29/05/2023 15:34

Thedogscollar · 29/05/2023 00:34

Ffs I've just done a shift where a new mum has ended up on ITU her life is hanging by a fucking thread. I can't switch off and I come on MN and read thus utter fucking bollox.
Christ I'm so pissed off right now

This sounds awful for you and I really hope that your patient is ok. I don’t think your comment is entirely fair, though. I’ve been in some incredibly tough situations myself and you know absolutely nothing about my life.

Why did you feel the need to judge?

I’m sure there are millions of men and women throughout the world who might be ‘pissed off’ that you’ve got the ability to work, a meal when you get home from work and somewhere safe to rest your head at night. Everything is relative and you could always be kinder to people that you don’t know.

OP posts:
Stressfordays · 29/05/2023 15:43

My best Mum friends are the single, skint Mums with the 7 seater bangers who are always up for a bbq with a bunch of feral kids in a paddling pool. I couldn't be bothered with keeping up with joneses. There will be other types of Mums there that don't care what car you drive.

SherlockStones · 29/05/2023 16:49

Thedogscollar · 29/05/2023 00:34

Ffs I've just done a shift where a new mum has ended up on ITU her life is hanging by a fucking thread. I can't switch off and I come on MN and read thus utter fucking bollox.
Christ I'm so pissed off right now

Then why did you?

No where is it stated that this forum is for the most serious of discussions, strange comment to make on a thread that no one forced you to enter and respond to.

Mummy2mybear · 29/05/2023 18:08

SherlockStones · 29/05/2023 16:49

Then why did you?

No where is it stated that this forum is for the most serious of discussions, strange comment to make on a thread that no one forced you to enter and respond to.

Show quote history

Thats unkind 🙄 Why not just ignore if it irritated you in some way give her a break.

Boymum024 · 29/05/2023 23:06

Jersey by any chance?

Original poster
Lustingovercar · 30/05/2023 10:17

Cotswolds (expensive bit)

OP posts:
Ozgirl75 · 30/05/2023 10:21

Oh shame! I picture the Cotswolds like Jilly Cooper with all the proper rich driving a filthy old mini and only the likes of Valerie and Tony driving a spotless clean posh car 😄

HermioneWeasley · 30/05/2023 10:25

@Lustingovercar im sorry to hear you’re lonely, but the “right” car won’t fix that. Because people who will only socialise with you because of your car aren’t actual friends.

as another poster has suggested, find a group with shared interests and socialise with people you’ve got something in common with.

Sandylanes69 · 30/05/2023 10:51

Go on, treat yourself - go and buy their approval. The best friendships are based on material possessions.

Coralsunset · 30/05/2023 11:44

Sandylanes69 · 30/05/2023 10:51

Go on, treat yourself - go and buy their approval. The best friendships are based on material possessions.

I couldn’t have put it better!

EvilElsa · 30/05/2023 12:10

I'm really surprised it's the Cotswolds! I live there too and it's very much the opposite. At pony club everyone turns up in bangers and old 4x4s -it's almost "all the gear no idea" to have a brand new car. Anyway OP, I hope you are feeling better about everything now.

EvilElsa · 30/05/2023 12:13

Ozgirl75 · 30/05/2023 10:21

Oh shame! I picture the Cotswolds like Jilly Cooper with all the proper rich driving a filthy old mini and only the likes of Valerie and Tony driving a spotless clean posh car 😄

This is accurate in the part of the Cotswolds I'm from!! Bangers galore! Why waste the money scraping your new car along the hedges of the single track lanes and clattering through the potholes.

Newtrix · 30/05/2023 13:26

We have a large friendship group and almost exclusively have large Audis... we have an i10. Difference being they've all bought there's on finance or PCP, we bought ours for cash.

Esjolaol1973 · 30/05/2023 13:38

Newtrix · 30/05/2023 13:26

We have a large friendship group and almost exclusively have large Audis... we have an i10. Difference being they've all bought there's on finance or PCP, we bought ours for cash.

And your point is?

AsphaltGirl · 30/05/2023 14:32

Newtrix · 30/05/2023 13:26

We have a large friendship group and almost exclusively have large Audis... we have an i10. Difference being they've all bought there's on finance or PCP, we bought ours for cash.

0/10

Thedogscollar · 30/05/2023 15:32

@SherlockStones
You're right about one thing nobody forced me to read the thread however it is up to me how I respond. My response was in keeping with how I felt on Sunday.

@Sandylanes69 truly sums this thread up. Very sad if you have to impress "friends" by the car you drive.

Ozgirl75 · 30/05/2023 17:15

Newtrix · 30/05/2023 13:26

We have a large friendship group and almost exclusively have large Audis... we have an i10. Difference being they've all bought there's on finance or PCP, we bought ours for cash.

Don’t feel bad about it! Loads of people buy for cash and if you keep the car for ages it’s totally fine.

user68901 · 30/05/2023 18:19

Namechanger355 · 28/05/2023 09:14

so many people are buying cars on finance or hire purchase - almost anyone can get an Audi these days

the wealthiest people save and invest and don’t spend their money on hyped up cars or Chanel bags

We live in a part of Surrey where there are a lot of nice houses and posh schools nearby - the truly wealthy with the largest houses usually have a Volvo tbh

I also live in Surrey where there are some amazing properties . Everyone is deluding themselves with this notion about the clapped out Volvo. Pretty much all the biggest houses have a fleet of swish cars in their drives 🤷‍♀️

FlounderingFruitcake · 30/05/2023 18:40

user68901 · 30/05/2023 18:19

I also live in Surrey where there are some amazing properties . Everyone is deluding themselves with this notion about the clapped out Volvo. Pretty much all the biggest houses have a fleet of swish cars in their drives 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

Agree, my parents live in Surrey and I live in SW London but the only Volvos I see are new XC90s.

CarCrazy · 30/05/2023 19:06

Lustingovercar · 27/05/2023 20:42

I currently have a small- medium sized EV. Not a premium or anything. Really could do with a longer range EV or go back to ICE. (We no longer fly so holidays are exclusively drive and EV is a bit tricky - current range is 120 miles but on motorway get less than 100) Also have 3 DC and two large dogs so it’s hard to fit in current one.

We live in an area where cars do matter. There’s a lot of premium brands in our area, on school runs etc. I would like to be seen in a big beautiful car (just being honest here because I can on MN!) however I like the fact that my EV is better for the environment. We can afford a big LR Discovery and it would be easier for the kids etc BUT should I really just buy one to fit in?

Lots of mums who lunch/ swishy hair/ large premium SUVs in my area. I work, and drive a small car. I can’t help feeling that I’d fit in a bit more (and, yes, find it easier to make friends) if I had the ‘right’ car.

Please be kind, as I’m just being honest and seeing what people think..

Appreciate your honesty, but goodness OP!!! What r you doing?? If you need a flash car to fit in, then these are not the people to be fitting in with! They sound shallow and materialistic. True friends don't give a damn what car you drive.

Set an example for your kids and show them to be themselves and not feel they have to keep up with the Joneses.

I actually love my old car! Even if I was a millionaire, I'd not buy a yummy mummy car jus to fit in, only if I actually wanted one for some reason! You should never ever do something just to fit in! Especially with a bunch of snobs!

CarCrazy · 30/05/2023 19:10

BTW, I grew up in Surrey! All the v rich friends I had, had old cars! The footballers wife types had brand new 4x4s and 'swishy hair' as you describe! My mum was a single mum and drove a 10yr old fiat! She wasn't the greatest mum, but on this point I did agree with her - that what car you have, how big your house is, or how much money you earn is irrelevant. What is most important is how you treat others, that you are kind, that you work hard and that you respect everyone regardless of their MH status, their earnings or any other irrelevant factor.