To want a flashy car to fit in?

[Lustingovercar]

I currently have a small- medium sized EV. Not a premium or anything. Really could do with a longer range EV or go back to ICE. (We no longer fly so holidays are exclusively drive and EV is a bit tricky - current range is 120 miles but on motorway get less than 100) Also have 3 DC and two large dogs so it’s hard to fit in current one.

We live in an area where cars do matter. There’s a lot of premium brands in our area, on school runs etc. I would like to be seen in a big beautiful car (just being honest here because I can on MN!) however I like the fact that my EV is better for the environment. We can afford a big LR Discovery and it would be easier for the kids etc BUT should I really just buy one to fit in?

Lots of mums who lunch/ swishy hair/ large premium SUVs in my area. I work, and drive a small car. I can’t help feeling that I’d fit in a bit more (and, yes, find it easier to make friends) if I had the ‘right’ car.

Please be kind, as I’m just being honest and seeing what people think..

This

Hi @Lustingovercar

You clearly know yabu but I understand how you can wonder if the car would help you socially. However do you really want to be friends with them if the car you drive is 💯 the reason

No idea on your situation or way in to a group maybe a party if your dc are young enough and just chat figure them out.

Fwiw current chat on our area whats app..... land rovers not getting insurance and people suggesting volvos are laughable and porches a "faaaaaar" better drive. .... oh and shit cars being parked on the roads around here.... and what they can get the council to do about it. Its nauseating so to your point about these people judging based on cars I also belive it could be true!

Some people are just a bit up their own entitled arses!

I what way would your purchase of yet another car be good for the environment you care for.

More children dying in African countries to dig up the rare minerals for the batteries, and raw materials to make the car you don’t need. All the fossil fuel energy and CO2 produced during the manufacture of the car you don’t need. All so you can fit in with a bunch of self-absorbed women who are, to a person, puddle deep. Leave them alone with their fake beauty and fake lives.

Stick to your current car and show your children a good example of living within your means, priorities and what true friendships are about.

@Lustingovercar
Why do you feel the need to judge?

I was judging your post on how bloody ludicrous it is.
Funny how you are happy to be judged by your so called friends on the car you drive though.
My patient is still critically ill, so yummy mummy's and their posh cars are a big non problem in the grand scheme of things.

It’s very sad about your patient and I imagine your job isn’t easy. But we all have shit to deal with, competitive misery isn’t necessary and tbh, not massively professional either.

My car is an absolute old banger and it hasn’t stopped me making friends with the school parents - and DC are at a private school too

In fact someone told me recently that a true sign of class was not giving a crap about what car you drive & having the confidence to drive an old banger

@Whywere
No competitive misery here and totally professional.

I think we all get that a critically ill patient is a bigger deal than choice of car, but no one is pretending this is a medical thread

Exactly. If we all stopped posting because somewhere in the world people are suffering far worse then there wouldn’t be a Mumsnet.

In addition, if I was lying sick in ICU I wouldn’t want that being used by a member of staff to prove a point on Mumsnet.

I'm not trying to prove any point. The AIBU brigade have agreed by 91% that the poster is indeed being unreasonable.

In addition, if I was lying sick in ICU I wouldn’t want that being used by a member of staff to prove a point on Mumsnet.

@Whywere me neither

I didn’t say the poster was not being unreasonable.

I said that you were being unprofessional and absurd in comparing an everyday issue to one of your patients in ICU.

a) you shouldn’t be talking about patients on MN.

b) if we compared all of our problems to people in ICU then we’d all have to shut up the vast majority of the time.

As I said, very sad for your patient. Probably hard for you but maybe take it to a colleague or supervision rather than using it to make a point on MN. And you did use it to make a point, which is a bit crass as well as unprofessional.

How sad that buying a big car to be able to fit in and make new friends is seen as an everyday issue.

Thing is these days cars can last for ages. Back in the good old days a car would be rusted to bits in 10 years.

Nowadays if you spend a it of time looking after them the body work still looks shiny and great after 10 years.

That is if you don't keep driving it into bollards and stuff like I do.

Personally I feel it’s much sadder that you feel the need to use the critical state of your patients on a Mumsnet post about something so mundane. I would be really upset if that was me.

Maybe just something to consider for the future.

And yeah, I’d agree with you. I think the poster is BU. But personally and professionally I think you’re B much more U.

@Whywere
You are entitled to your opinion.

On Sunday I was exhausted, upset and angry. I shouldn't have come on here to unwind. Apologies if my posts have offended or upset anyone on here.

Obviously the OP is imo a non problem and I was wrong to compare it to anything else. I should have read it and scrolled on.

I should have known better it being AIBU.

YANBU

Love it or loathe it, cars are a symbol and something used to judge you.

Everyone will judge you based on your car. Neighbours, your kid's teachers, your bosses at work, your other colleagues, your friends, everyone.

Some will do it consciously - these are the ones who are viewed as shallow.

Everyone else do it subconsciously. But make no mistake they still do it.

You WILL notice the difference in people's behaviour and demeanour if you suddenly change from a banger to a shiny new German saloon.

Most of it will likely be a positive difference - i.e. admiration and respect. But you may also encounter jealousy and envy. And you may also encounter disrespect from certain groups (think environmentalists when they see your 3-ton gas guzzler).

So your decision should be how much you want the judgement that comes with the nicer car. And what judgement your social circle will give.

From your description, it looks like you'd benefit a lot from it. Mostly respect and admiration. Go for it!

Everyone will judge you based on your car. Neighbours, your kid's teachers, your bosses at work, your other colleagues, your friends, everyone.

this is the biggest load of shit I've ever read in my life.

I have no idea what car any of my friends or family drive.

if I thought a child's teacher was judging a parent by their CAR, I'd think they were suffering a mental health crisis

This message sounds as if it’s been written by an alien who gets his ideas about humankind from reading the FT How To Spend It Magazine.

I think someone went to ChatGPT for advice

Are you me? I couldn’t have put my experience of prep school more eloquently if I tried. while I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, I’m so reassured that I wasn’t the only one who had this experience!
OP, if you upgrade the car to fit in, it will never end. Also, there’s something to be said about having the confidence to be true to yourself. Next it will be the clothes, the holidays, getting the right invites to the right lunches, the bigger house etc….
I do know exactly how you feel - fundamentally most of us want to fit in. But fitting in with this shower of people is not going to benefit you in the end because you’ll be forever comparing until your DC move on to college or a different school.

Certainly is a clinical response haha, but no point skirting around the truth sometimes.

Of course there are other reasons for buying a nice car but those who think that other people's perception is an invalid reason are just kidding themselves I'm afraid. Being in denial can be comforting!

It's not "clinical", it's complete bollocks.

Typical head-in-the-sander. Ignorance is bliss!