Husband won’t share child care

[Annaliese2015]

Can anyone please tell me if I’m being unreasonable?
my husband and I both work, he works full time and I have just taken on a second job so I also now work full time (2 separate jobs). I worked part time to fit around child care but now my son can go to after school club I am able to work more hours.

my husband earns more than I do which I fully appreciate however he is treating me getting a second job as a treat for me and refuses to take any time off during half terms to look after our son as he sees my jobs as inferior to his.

This is the text message I received from him when I asked him to take a day off to look after our son so I can work:

”I’ve always worked full time you have always worked part time now you want to work extra hours every one else has to change around you I’m not using all my holiday just so you can work that not fair”

I need some neutral perspective on this, am I in the wrong here? if not how do I get him to share time off.
for the 6 weeks holiday I have booked off 2 weeks (max I can take during half terms) but he refuses to use his holiday so I can go to work and book time off.

Does anyone have any advice on this please?

why is it on OP to be honest if this man has lied and said he wanted another child when he didnt?
He ought to have been upfront and admitted his true feelings.
He's the one in the wrong for not stepping up and being a parent to his child.

And how the actual fuck is that doing iis fair share?!

If you think that having one of his four children for four nights a month is ” his fair share “ and doing 50% of parenting then you have very low standards.

Touched a nerve?

How is telling a misogynist where to go breaking talk guidelines?!

Wait, he said you needed to do more hours, and that's why you got the 2nd job, because he essentially ordered you to?

Then he refuses to do any childcare and still expects you to do it all?

Then mocks you by saying, well you chose to get the 2nd job, so how dare you expect me to do some extra parenting?

I mean, I'd separate. He sounds absolutely vile.

I mean, I'd separate. He sounds absolutely vile
yeah, c'mon OP, woman up! He's not the messiah he's a selfish lazy little boy. Make a plan, we will help you!

This has made me really angry. You pay for childcare, you have arranged your entire life around your child and him and he won’t give up his precious AL.

I’ve had 2 kids and made sacrifices while my husband didn’t. I gave up my dream job as it didn’t fit in with childcare pick up (he ‘may’ have wanted to go for a pint after work so he couldn’t do it).

it took me having a near breakdown and him going to therapy to get him to understand that I deserve a life too.

but he went to therapy and he’s a good dad who now completely does his share. We compare diaries at the beginning of the week and take time off/wfh to juggle equally.

Hes from an ethnic background where the wife doesn’t work and looks after the kids. My career meant nothing to him despite me outranking and out earning him. It was a hard slog. 12 years!

Now I’ve got a new role with lots of international travel and he’s my cheerleader because he recognises the sacrifices I’ve made and has done the work on himself and been incredibly self reflective.

If your DP/H cannot do this - get out. The resentment builds like a poison and will affect you.

He understand very well indeed what his position is and that he'd be an idiot to move from it. You earning more means he has more to spend on his kids not yours, more to spend on treats and days out without the bother of a younger child who needs regular decent food, toiletting etc. Why would be bother "understanding" your position when his current one's socushy. He can do whatever he wants and you are not.

I say again, thise hills really aren't that far away.

Keep the second job (you'll need it in case you decide to leave this asshole). Cut your contribution to the mortgage and bills in half and put the money towards childcare. Seriously.

At the very least, he should pay 50% of childcare for HIS child. Don't ask him to help with childcare over summer holidays, that makes it sound like your job. TELL him you're doing 2 weeks, he's doing 2 weeks and you're jointly paying for 2 weeks at holiday club.

What a wanker. Bin him