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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My friend is one cheeky sod

164 replies

thisisasurvivor · 26/05/2023 21:32

Aibu to say no maybe more often

So she has helped in any ways with our family down through the years which is hugely appreciated

So I'm in a single parent
Trying to work from home and she is hoping g that I will take her kids over the summer for 1-2 days a week

Her money is tight I get this

But I find it so so stressful
I had them today and I'm utterly exhausted
Couldn't wfh so left some work for tonight and I'm just wiped out

I say yes because of all the favours down through the years but I honestly don't know how long I can just grin and bare it

Say nothing maybe?
Or agree for one day a fortnight to help her this summer and not 1or 2 days a week 😢😢💔

OP posts:
Original poster
thisisasurvivor · 26/05/2023 21:33

I don't want to spoil the friendship and I don't want to leave her stuck

I have two kids
They all get on so well

But how can this work?

OP posts:
Indoorcatmum · 26/05/2023 21:37

Just say you can't work whilst looking after all the children and your boss noticed your output wasn't ideal.

Its nice she did things for you in the past, but if she's the sort of person to end a friendship over childcare then that's a bit shit.

CalloohCallayFrabjousDay · 26/05/2023 21:38

Well you can either say no - which is what I'd probably do, or say okay I'll have the kids Monday and Tuesday and you can have them Thursday and Friday (for example).

Original poster
thisisasurvivor · 26/05/2023 21:38

But it should be ok to reduce to once a fortnight I hope
Maybe she can get someone
That would mean needing to pay them

To be honest I do not need the stress

OP posts:
mushroommummy · 26/05/2023 21:39

Is she also a single parent?

Original poster
thisisasurvivor · 26/05/2023 21:40

CalloohCallayFrabjousDay · 26/05/2023 21:38

Well you can either say no - which is what I'd probably do, or say okay I'll have the kids Monday and Tuesday and you can have them Thursday and Friday (for example).

Yes this was supposed to happen but she is full time 5 days a week

My work can br flexible (so if not compete by today I do it tonight)

Few weeks back I had her kids
I couldn't get the work done at home so told her I would be up until mid night she said 'isn't it a shame I can't take the kids for you'
She had nothing on that evening
Why not take them for me ?

Or offer to come over while I work upstairs ?? Cheeky as Fck some times
Why do I get myself in such shit

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 26/05/2023 21:41

The answer is no. You are working, you can't supervise 4 kids while doing that

Original poster
thisisasurvivor · 26/05/2023 21:41

mushroommummy · 26/05/2023 21:39

Is she also a single parent?

No

Married to an arse
Lots of family to help her
Parents alive etc

I have one family member who can help me

OP posts:
Original poster
thisisasurvivor · 26/05/2023 21:41

Hankunamatata · 26/05/2023 21:41

The answer is no. You are working, you can't supervise 4 kids while doing that

I have sort of got myself into this and now can't seem to get out

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 26/05/2023 21:42

Tell he your looking childcare for your own kids if she knows anyone.....

myheadisspinningoutofcontrol · 26/05/2023 21:45

I think you need to do it this weekend.

Just be honest and tell her that after having the children today you've realised that you simply won't be able to do it. Tell her you want to help her because of all she's done for you in the past but it's just not possible.

Doyoumind · 26/05/2023 21:45

Say no. You can't jeopardise your job or disadvantage yourself to help her. If she expects you to she's not a good friend.

determinedtomakethiswork · 26/05/2023 21:46

I think if you help her one day a week or one day a fortnight, you're basically telling her that you are able to look after her children for her. I would say that my boss had givenme a real bollocking on this. I wasn't able to look after the children anymore.

WashableVelvet · 26/05/2023 21:48

You can use her language to get out of it.
“isn’t it a shame I can’t take your kids for you”.

lovemelongtime · 26/05/2023 21:51

So you have to be firm, you say that after today you have realised that looking after 4kids during the summer really isn't going to work for you due to 8pm act on your work. Really sorry not to be able to help with this but wanted to let you know as soon as possible.

End of, don't try negotiating days you'll end up looking after them.

youveturnedupwelldone · 26/05/2023 21:51

Perfect opportunity to blame your boss and therefore not ruin the friendship, as others have suggested.

Your friend's request was never reasonable in the first place, no matter what the history you have between you.

Original poster
thisisasurvivor · 26/05/2023 21:54

WashableVelvet · 26/05/2023 21:48

You can use her language to get out of it.
“isn’t it a shame I can’t take your kids for you”.

Exactly

This is what needs to be done

OP posts:
Original poster
thisisasurvivor · 26/05/2023 21:55

Thank you guys

Was trying to think of the right words to say

Work is suffering so can't do it any more

OP posts:
TheCreamTeaWasFromMe · 26/05/2023 22:22

No, I'm afraid I can't take them.

No, I'm afraid that doesn't work for me.

No, I'm working and can't look after them.

Rinse and repeat any one of the above - and notice how the word "sorry" doesn't feature at all. Don't say sorry when you have nothing to apologise for!

shelbabab · 26/05/2023 22:28

If you don't want a big confrontation about it. Tell her your employer has made it clear u can't have them with while working. There's deadlines coming up that work needs completed by close of business at 5pm or whatever.

Original poster
thisisasurvivor · 27/05/2023 09:31

Fabulous thanks

She is a very good friend

But takes the piss no doubt about it

And I do t want her forking her loads for childcare

But

It is damaging my work and my mental health

My own fault really yes

OP posts:
Scoose · 27/05/2023 10:48

Her childcare is not your problem. You need to work to support your own family

jeaux90 · 27/05/2023 10:52

Lone parent here too.

Absolutely no way would I jeopardise my job, the only income we have because of not being able to say no.

Just tell her that it was exhausting and distracting with having the kids and your work suffered so you can't risk losing your job.

FatCatBum · 27/05/2023 12:01

Your responsibility is to your own family and that includes keeping your job. You may feel bad about her family having to spend on childcare, but you shouldn't have to pick up the slack for her shit husband

Rogue1001MNer · 27/05/2023 12:21

I feel your pain because in this case you feel you "owe" her.
Can you have shorter days? 10 til 3 maybe so it's a bit less time

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