My friend is one cheeky sod

[thisisasurvivor]

Aibu to say no maybe more often

So she has helped in any ways with our family down through the years which is hugely appreciated

So I'm in a single parent
Trying to work from home and she is hoping g that I will take her kids over the summer for 1-2 days a week

Her money is tight I get this

But I find it so so stressful
I had them today and I'm utterly exhausted
Couldn't wfh so left some work for tonight and I'm just wiped out

I say yes because of all the favours down through the years but I honestly don't know how long I can just grin and bare it

Say nothing maybe?
Or agree for one day a fortnight to help her this summer and not 1or 2 days a week 😢😢💔

She leaves the childcare to you, does her day's work for her day's pay, and then zooms off with her dc in the car, leaving you exhausted and facing an evening trying to finish off work while juggling your own dc.

Get mad and put an end to this. Don't feel bad for her for her awful husband, that's her choice.

Brilliant!

Now get on with practise saying that out loud to your so-called friend! 🙄

I think she sometimes thinks well she can do it with two what difference will 4 make

But her two boys fight with each other and sometimes leave the house
Last summer one started an old car outside (he found the key in a box in the shed)

I am so worried something will happen to them
But I also get the impression she wouldn't ask if she didn't have to??

I'm fuming wit myself yes

Tell her you have meetings/conference trips/training etc incompatible with 4 kids in the house. Does the school run any holiday clubs? Maybe suggest she looks into that.

Yes they do thankfully but she needs someone to pick them up 3 times a week

OP,

What advice would you give to someone in the same situation as you?

Stop getting yourself in these ridiculous situations

You are single with one income a highly pressurised job

She has two incomes in the house and a large extended family 🤬🤬

@thisisasurvivor

And taking it a step further, why would you give her this advice?

Because it is causing so much stress

And one day I will snap at them all when really I should say no asap

Nothing worse than being put upon, you will feel so much better once you have said no. If you don’t feel you can say it face to face text her and explain.

Maybe her arsehole of a husband should take some annual leave maybe instead

Hate him

He doesn't speak to me because I'm a single parent

Hasn't spoke to me since I fled DV
That's a whole other story

But
One day I will tell him what I think of his attitude towards me

I'm not sure you're quite digging deep enough, OP.

my view of one step further might be...

She has two incomes in the house and a large extended family 🤬🤬

She is putting on me because it's her standard assumption that I will step in.

She doesn't seem to consider the pressure it puts me under.

Relying on me to pick up her childcare issues keeps them away from impacting on her family and allows her and them to believe they control things easily.

She doesn't seem to consider

the impact it has on my family, and the affect it has on my work and mental health.

She doesn't want the her family to be impacted the way I am.

Agree

Fully agree

Just wish I had made an excuse uo the first time

Maybe put the blame on me - I'm a disaster and can't manage as it is - otherwise I would blah blah

But I would never put this pressure on someone

Ah, it's not you at all, OP.

It's the 'boiling frog syndrome'.

Horrible analogy, but essentially, it's: if you drop a frog in boiling water, it will jump out straight away.

It you start it out in lukewarm water, and then gradually warm it up and up until it gets too hot, the frog doesn't realise it's in trouble until it's too late.

In many ways, your friend has 'groomed' you into being there for her by doing smallish favours until you're hooked.

You are 💯 not to blame.

Now to work out the best way to extract yourself.

Your previous post says pretty much word for word what you're saying this time. You say she's helped you out and supported you loads, then she's a CF and using you. Decide what you want and get from this friendship and continue it or don't.

For the love of god stop being such a wet wipe and tell her no Jesus stop being pathetic

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Great that's very helpful

Please start putting yourselve and your kids first. You are the one who has a holiday childcare problem which is putting a strain on your job. You can barely manage as is it.

Sadly you just can’t help.

Thank you all

I'm not taking them this summer
I just can not cope with it all

She needs to sort child care
I text her earlier that my work has gone downhill sadly with wfh and I'm not reliable enough for child care
No answer yet

Well done OP.

That's a huge step forward. You are clearly a really nice, kind person.

Prepare your stock answer for the excuses/solutions that will be forthcoming.

"I wish that would work but work is such a pressure, they're really putting me in the spotlight. I can't help with (your kids) but let me know when you're free for a drink, I need to let off steam!!
"I wish I could continue to help but work are really clamping down - I'm under the
Kosh'
"my two are as much as I can manage right now, the balance is just a nightmare"

Repeat repeat repeat.

Well done op, you are the only one earning money to support your children and you need to not jeopardise that.

Well done, you have taken the hardest step.

She may still try to persuade to mind her children. If so, hold firm with your decision, stick to your guns.

Keep up the good work op. Stay strong!

I feel bad but it had to be done

It was putting me over the edge in an already stressful situation

And I know she doesn't have it easy

But she has twice my income coming in so she has options

I don't

It’s very easy to fall into traps like this and bend over backwards because we feel obliged to do so.

I don’t anymore and the sky has never fallen in on me yet.

Saying no kindly, will be very good for you/your self worth.

Well done 💐💐💐