Page 7 | My friend is one cheeky sod

thisisasurvivor · 2023-05-26T20:32:34+00:00

Aibu to say no maybe more often So she has helped in any ways with our family down through the years which is hugely appreciated So I'm in a single parent Trying to work from home and she is hoping g that I will take her kids over the summer for 1-2 days a week Her money is tight I get this But I find it so so stressful I had them today and I'm utterly exhausted Couldn't wfh so left some work for tonight and I'm just wiped out I say yes because of all the favours down through the years but I honestly don't know how long I can just grin and bare it Say nothing maybe? Or agree for one day a fortnight to help her this summer and not 1or 2 days a week 😢😢💔

Fiddlerdragon · 29/05/2023 12:32

CellophaneFlower · 29/05/2023 10:15

So you told her you can't have her children, then followed with a list of dates that she might have yours and you're surprised she said no?

If you feel you're being taken advantage of, then of course you refuse, but it goes the other way too.

In the op she said she’d agree to one day a fortnight, but two days a week is too much. There’s a bit of a difference between being used as unpaid childcare for 2 days a week for the entire summer when the op’s ‘friend’ has an actual husband who just cba to have them, and a asking a friend to the odd day when you’re really stuck and have no family to ask. Presumably the friend isn’t at work whilst taking care of her own children when the op’s asking her to return the favour

Original poster

thisisasurvivor · 29/05/2023 13:51

No it was on the days she is home with them

I'm done

The road to hell is paved with good intentions

I don't even know why I ever thought this would work out ok

OP posts:

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 29/05/2023 13:57

Just remember friendship isn't transactional.
She helped you with the kids, house etc - you're a single parent with little support
She is asking you to take her kids twice a week when she has plenty of support all around her.
You don't have to say yes just because she has done things before.
I have friends who went through a really tight period financially. If they came to our house, more often that not if we ordered food DH and I would pay for theirs as I knew they were struggling, or get them coffee while out etc and we just didnt mention it or say youre our guests, this is on us etc. I don't expect anything from them now. I did it to help my friends where I could, not to get something back from them.

TenseTessa · 29/05/2023 16:33

Wow she's shown her hand / true colours. At least it's clear now.

I hope she does t hassle you about it.

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 29/05/2023 16:37

I couldn't look after my own kids whilst working, let alone anyone else's

Crayfishforyou · 29/05/2023 16:53

Send her a message:
’look friend, I’ll be honest. Four kids whilst I’m working is far too much. My work is behind and I’m burnt out. I’m sorry but it isn’t working out. I hope you sort something else for next week’

frazzledasarock · 29/05/2023 17:10

Doesn’t sound like much of a ‘friend’ you’ve been her default childcare and now she’s suddenly not available to reciprocate because you said no once.
m she has family she can dump her kids on and two incomes.

she has a lot of free time by the sounds of things. And you do not.

I wouldn’t feel sorry for her.

AhNowTed · 29/05/2023 17:18

Seriously OP this is ridiculous.

She not even offering to pay you.

She doesn't return the favour.

And you are MASSIVELY risking your own job.

And she is in a FAR better financial situation than you.

Honestly, stop this now. It's bloody ridiculous.

InSpainTheRain · 29/05/2023 17:23

I think you need to grow a backbone and say no, she is taking the piss! Let her DH sort them (ok you say he is an arse, but that is not your problem). You can't work effectively with kids around and spending your evenings catching up is not sustainable. Just say a firm no!

LookItsMeAgain · 29/05/2023 17:44

Can you confirm @thisisasurvivor whether she has just said that she can't have your kids on the days when she's at home or if she is aware and has accepted that you will not be having her kids at all during the summer. I'm not sure I 100% understand what the state of play is here.

CellophaneFlower · 30/05/2023 10:01

Fiddlerdragon · 29/05/2023 12:32

In the op she said she’d agree to one day a fortnight, but two days a week is too much. There’s a bit of a difference between being used as unpaid childcare for 2 days a week for the entire summer when the op’s ‘friend’ has an actual husband who just cba to have them, and a asking a friend to the odd day when you’re really stuck and have no family to ask. Presumably the friend isn’t at work whilst taking care of her own children when the op’s asking her to return the favour

Show quote history

I'm not sure it's as black and white as that though. OP started off saying how supportive her friend has been to her over the years, then that changed to 8 times in 4 years. Throughout her thread she has drip fed about her friend and kids, painting them in a worse light each time, the more support she's received from posters.

She also states that her friend's husband is abusive and won't talk to her, yet would be happy for her own children to be around him if her friend would only offer to take them in the evening.

Original poster

thisisasurvivor · 13/07/2023 21:27

LookItsMeAgain · 29/05/2023 17:44

Can you confirm @thisisasurvivor whether she has just said that she can't have your kids on the days when she's at home or if she is aware and has accepted that you will not be having her kids at all during the summer. I'm not sure I 100% understand what the state of play is here.

She was then able to do one of the days I asked for

But I had secured childcare elsewhere

When she has the kids her husband is not there btw

Oh and got a panicked call this morning that she was stuck

4 hours of having her kids
While I wfh

So I'm just steering well clear

I had no intention of taking them this summer said put me on the spot

And not even a thank you (her father could pick them up found out he was off all day)

Just not answering her calls anymore

And before anyone starts I did say no previously
I said it was impacting my work and it wasn't fair

OP posts:

Pancake678 · 13/07/2023 21:47

This reciprocal thing never seems to work out fairly. I'm in a similar situation where my DC 7&9 can happily be at home and not bother me. They are calm and get on with their own thing. My sisters DC of the same age have to be supervised. Years ago I suggested sharing some childcare as the costs were high and she didn't want to which is fine. As soon as I started WFH permanently she was interested in me having her DC. No way.

Original poster

thisisasurvivor · 14/07/2023 13:40

Pancake678 · 13/07/2023 21:47

This reciprocal thing never seems to work out fairly. I'm in a similar situation where my DC 7&9 can happily be at home and not bother me. They are calm and get on with their own thing. My sisters DC of the same age have to be supervised. Years ago I suggested sharing some childcare as the costs were high and she didn't want to which is fine. As soon as I started WFH permanently she was interested in me having her DC. No way.

It's just a nightmare isn't it

OP posts: