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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My friend is one cheeky sod

164 replies

thisisasurvivor · 26/05/2023 21:32

Aibu to say no maybe more often

So she has helped in any ways with our family down through the years which is hugely appreciated

So I'm in a single parent
Trying to work from home and she is hoping g that I will take her kids over the summer for 1-2 days a week

Her money is tight I get this

But I find it so so stressful
I had them today and I'm utterly exhausted
Couldn't wfh so left some work for tonight and I'm just wiped out

I say yes because of all the favours down through the years but I honestly don't know how long I can just grin and bare it

Say nothing maybe?
Or agree for one day a fortnight to help her this summer and not 1or 2 days a week 😢😢💔

OP posts:
Parisj · 27/05/2023 12:51

You could say no, or you can say I can have them in the daytime if you have them for the evening while I work. WFH is work she's taking the Mick!

Hollyppp · 27/05/2023 13:23

Hankunamatata · 26/05/2023 21:42

Tell he your looking childcare for your own kids if she knows anyone.....

Ooo this is good. Def do this

7eleven · 27/05/2023 13:30

Could she have yours on a Sunday, so you can get loads of work done and then you have hers on a Monday? That way you both benefit.

Original poster
thisisasurvivor · 27/05/2023 13:31

No she never offers

Did a few years back and not since then
Ha how convenient for her

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 27/05/2023 13:31

Why do you feel bad she needs to pay for childcare? Everyone does. You are subsidizing her whole family including her arse of a husband when you take on what is rightfully their responsibility.

Inca22 · 27/05/2023 13:41

You say she's helped you a lot. Now you can't return the favour - fine. But don't be a dick about it.

ferneytorro · 27/05/2023 13:49

thisisasurvivor · 26/05/2023 21:41

I have sort of got myself into this and now can't seem to get out

Show quote history

That’s not true, you can get out of it very easily but something inside is making you unable to. She can’t actually do anything If you say no , it’s more about the feelings you will have you are trying to stop those feelings. You are preferring to suffer than sit with the feelings, the possibility she will be annoyed.

ferneytorro · 27/05/2023 13:50

thisisasurvivor · 27/05/2023 09:31

Fabulous thanks

She is a very good friend

But takes the piss no doubt about it

And I do t want her forking her loads for childcare

But

It is damaging my work and my mental health

My own fault really yes

Good friend and takes the piss. The second cancels out the first. She is not a good friend.

gamerchick · 27/05/2023 13:56

Tell her this doesn't work for you so if you want an easy out, tell her you can only have her kids, if she immediately takes over after work so you can work. If she can't or is not willing to do that, then she'll have to sort something else out.

The first time she welches on that deal is when you say she'll have to make other arrangements.

Come on lass, shoulders back and grit your teeth.

Saz12 · 27/05/2023 13:58

Tell her you cant work with the dc in the house, so unless she us able to take them on Sunday for the day so you can catch up, then you wont be able to help her.

Nevermind31 · 27/05/2023 14:09

thisisasurvivor · 26/05/2023 21:40

Yes this was supposed to happen but she is full time 5 days a week

My work can br flexible (so if not compete by today I do it tonight)

Few weeks back I had her kids
I couldn't get the work done at home so told her I would be up until mid night she said 'isn't it a shame I can't take the kids for you'
She had nothing on that evening
Why not take them for me ?

Or offer to come over while I work upstairs ?? Cheeky as Fck some times
Why do I get myself in such shit

Show quote history

Pease - just say no.
sorry, I also work full time and this is not working for me - my work won’t have it.

Dontjudgeme101 · 27/05/2023 14:26

She’s not your friend. She’s a Cfer! Look after yourself and say you can’t look after her children anymore!

Summerfun54321 · 27/05/2023 14:39

Just say you would absolutely love to help but your work is really suffering so can't do it any more. I don't get these threads where people worry about letting cheeky fuckers down. It's such a massive ask in the first place I'm surprised you said yes. I would have laughed if someone asked me to do this. It's what family and paid child care is for, she is asking way too much of you.

squidgybits · 27/05/2023 14:51

Just tell her no, this is when you will find out if she is actually the friend you think she is by her reaction

CellophaneFlower · 27/05/2023 14:55

How has she helped you out in the past? Did you always help her out as much in return?

Therealjudgejudy · 27/05/2023 14:58

You need to tell her your own work is suffering.

tolerable · 27/05/2023 15:05

IF shes exchanging having your kids 1-2 days..a week. it may b
e workable.otherwise.nope. cant do that sorry.(you think is reasonable to suggest!)kinda covers it

HettieHelvetica · 27/05/2023 15:10

thisisasurvivor · 26/05/2023 21:41

I have sort of got myself into this and now can't seem to get out

Show quote history

You can get yourself out of it. But unfortunately there’s no magic wand or magic solution - you need to have the conversation you desperately don’t want to have.

MakeItRain · 27/05/2023 15:28

Yes use the words "it's a shame" in your message. Send something along the lines of "It's not working out having all the children and working at the same time. I know it's a shame, but I won't be able to have them over the summer - not if I want to keep my job! Hopefully we can all still get together some weekends tho."

Original poster
thisisasurvivor · 27/05/2023 15:30

CellophaneFlower · 27/05/2023 14:55

How has she helped you out in the past? Did you always help her out as much in return?

I would say she has taken them 8 days in 4 years

I have had hers almost 100 full days on the last 4 years

Full days
While I'm working also

OP posts:
LookItsMeAgain · 27/05/2023 15:42

Strike while the iron is hot there @thisisasurvivor .

You've had some great suggestions on what to say to her.

Now phone her, let her know she's going to have to find alternative cover and enjoy your summer without this cloud hanging over you.

Original poster
thisisasurvivor · 27/05/2023 15:44

Why is this my responsibility ffs

And my fault for letting it continue

OP posts:
PickNewName · 27/05/2023 15:47

she said 'isn't it a shame I can't take the kids for you'

At which point you could have said ‘why can’t you?’ Or ‘when can you have them so I can get my work done that I can’t do whilst watching your kids?’

maddening · 27/05/2023 15:50

Dear friend, I have tried to have the kids while I work and have given it my best go but it just isn't feasible, you know I always try and help out where I can but I really have to say no now while you still have time to sort something else out ahead of the summer, maybe we can arrange some time when we are on annual leave and make a proper day of it x

Original poster
thisisasurvivor · 27/05/2023 15:59

Fabulous

No other Chris's

OP posts:
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