'ADHD is the result of bad parenting?'

[porridgeisbae]

Does anyone here believe in that anymore? Admittedly I don't chat to many people outside of MN, but I hadn't even thought of that idea for a while- someone laid into me about it when I hadn't thought it was due to the parents for a moment in that discussion, I was just seeing it as a neurological difference.

I have some non-NT traits myself.

Some interesting posts on here. Marking place for later.

It does seem that ADHD overwhelmingly affects the more hands off approach to parenting.

We have spent weeks with children whose parents have said their child has adhd but when with us they have been completely NT, respectful, engaging, funny and follow our rules

My son with ADHD Is always respectful, engaging, funny and rule focused.

I also have ADHD and meet that criteria.

I have some non-NT traits myself
There's that many traits I think most people could claim they too have traits without being ADHD.
You only have to look at the comments on 'Adhd love' on Instagram or FB to see people commenting ' oh yeah, that's so me!' or ' I do that as well!
I have traits, dh does, we are not Adhd.

There definitely is that. Like someone said upthread but forgotten how they phrased it, bad parenting can look/present like ADHD but ADHD is not the result of bad parenting.
In your line of work do you see lots of dc with ADHD with another primary diagnosis e.g TS ?what are your thoughts on ADHD as a comorbidity?

We have spent weeks with children whose parents have said their child has adhd but when with us they have been completely NT, respectful, engaging, funny and follow our rules
The point is there was absolutely no traits, school said the same, no other professional was recognising any behaviours as adhd but we were seeimg homes that show inconsistent, erratic and damaging parenting and the parent claiming Adhd. Presumably your son has a diagnosis.
My post wasnt a dig at you.

Presumably you were working with damaged children with unusual circumstances? Might be worth making that clear otherwise it might sound like you were generalising about parents of children who were trying to get their children necessary support.

Adding to my previous comment.

People often question why it’s more prevalent today than in the past. When I have thought about this I often come back to the fact that we as a society have decided what is ‘normal’ in a person’s behaviour and presentation. We have socially constructed what a NT person is. Anyone that does not fit this mould is ND. I’m not taking away from the real struggles of people with adhd or any other neurological conditions but as I have the opportunity to meet lots and lots of different people on a weekly basis I can honestly say people in general are all so different and varied. I see a lot of people with what we would consider ND presentations but symptoms are subtle so they don’t have diagnosis. I think we have as a whole misunderstood the human brain and we have constructed a set of norms that don’t really fit with our wide and varied members of society. I’m beginning to think that more people are ND or have ND behaviours than NT. It’s possible that in future ND presentations will be typical not the other way round.

The whole system from birth is geared around this constructed idea of what it is to be NT. it sets most up to fail. It compounds the struggles of lots of people. If we accepted that the brain is complex and varied and that everyone has different personalities and presentations and we set up a system on the back of that I think we would see a lot less ‘problems’.

Adhd and other neurological conditions did exist just as much in the past. The difference is the system especially school was less intense and set in stone. Children were often excepted as they were and school was less stressful and structured. I could identify lots of people who would fit the ND diagnosis back when I was a child but we generally just saw it as personalities. When I was a child we allowed dc to actually be dc and behave accordingly. Many would run riot and cause all sorts of chaos but that was shrugged off as normal for growing dc.
You always had those at the back away with the fairies and the ‘awkward’ kids.

Parenting in the past was much more hands off yet people don’t mention that when blaming parents today.

I bet that posters on here who claim it’s poor parenting would be the first to change their tune if it was their own dc. Maybe they want to share tips on parenting if they are so perfect?

Im a twin, my twin does not have adhd but I do. We had the same parenting.

Adhd is real, it is also a normal variation of the human brain, we just don’t except that for some reason.

Definitely not.

BUT, I think the label is put onto "difficult" kids by people who have parented badly, and are now reaping the consequences of their chaotic lives.
"Oh, he's definitely got ADHD."
When actually, you smoked and drank through your pregnancy, there's been a parade of different, unpredictable men through the house, the kid has never had a structure through regular meal times and bed times, you never supported him at school, never read with him or helped with homework, and never went to parents evenings.
Basically everything that would have made a well-adjusted, emotionally-stable child, you didn't do.

People act surprised when kids who live in chaotic, noisy, drama-filled homes, turn around and act chaotic, noisy and drama-filled. It's simple cause and effect.

Ffs, the rot and rubbish that comes out nowadays.

Humanx are a variable species, with lots of variable behaviour traits and biological differences that have enabled us to colonise wildly different environments in wildly different times. Some of this includes a nervous system built with high energy output in short bursts of time, potentially with a downside of lower attention over time. We used to not need labels for this: at most we used to say some kids were hyperactive, and at worst, difficult.

Thats nature. Then you have nurture.

In some cases, perhaps not all, the difference can be made up by careful nurturing, which involves a decent education system as well as parenting. Something with careful attention to building discipline, building awareness of long term consequences, and occasionally the confidence to say to a child ‘you are doing this now whether you like it or not because I know the consequences if you don’t will be dire’. Some of that, both in parenting and education, has been lost. There is a balance to be found somewhere between what might be called soft left and hard right approaches and we are swinging wildly from one to another while throwing around labels as excuses as if they mean anything at all.

And, as the preliminary self-justification that is so necessary to hold any sensible opinion nowadays, I have a child that I could easily get labelled as adhd who can read, write and do basic arithmetic although that has been a struggle, as much against the education system that wanted to give up on them as against them. I work in alternate education and have seen many who I wish I could have got hold of when young.

Humans - typo, not some modern attempt at being mindlessly trendy.

It's also fairly possible that someone with addictive behaviours to booze, smoking, risky lifestyle choices of multiple sexual partners and who lives a chaotic lifestyle also has ADHD.

This:

ADHD exists clearly. But the more recent social media huge influx of posts on TikTok and YouTube giving out massive amounts of misinformation about ADHD has led to problems with people who very likely do not have ADHD, thinking they have.

I don't know how it could possibly be denied that promotion/misinformation about an issue leads to people thinking that it applies to them when sometimes it does, but often does not.

The NHS will tell you every time e.g sepsis is discussed on TV, they have a wave of people arriving at A and E thinking sepsis when most of the time it is not.

It happened on MN with a poster who posted for advice with a heavy period but many additional symptoms. She subsequently was diagnosed with sepsis. Fantastic that she was helped by MN but subsequently, anyone experiencing a very heavy period got the advice "ambulance NOW, it's sepsis"

I think a lot of posters complaining that there is no ADHD social media trend and the massive rise in people thinking they have ADHD is just people being more informed haven't looked at the misinformation that is out there where content creators are saying things like "my ADHD brain. Clean my room or go to the pub? ADHD impulsivity wins!. Do my essay or go to Coachella? ADHD wins! Urgh I wish I didn't have ADHD so I could be interested in boring things. Bored doing anything you're not really interested in? ADHD. My ADHD brain brushing my teeth and seeing the toilet roll needs changing " change it now, no leave it till later - ADHD". Me ADHD emptying the dishwasher and not able to fully listen to what my partner is saying"

ADHD memes and bingo cards.

It's very similar to the narcissist trend on social media when at some point a few years ago, there was an influx of content talking about narcissists and then suddenly a huge amount of people were diagnosing their ex, allll their exes, current partner, their family, friends, bosses and celebrities with narcissistic personality disorder.

Including MN. And of course, NPD exists and some people talking about it applying to their ex, parents or brother may be correct. But that doesn't explain the fact a previously barely mentioned psychiatric disorder suddenly became the topic of the day and hasn't reduced in popularity as a proposed explanation for so many posts on SM based on very little evidence.

And the same has happened with ASC/Autism and many mental illnesses on MN and elsewhere on social media where it's suggested frequently even when posters haven't mentioned core symptoms.

It doesn't mean ADHD or ASD doesn't exist, just that it seems to be jumped to based on very little.

I also totally agree with what imsorrysorry says about the social construction of NT and ND. I believe that that is because some sectors of British society have been gained too much from inequality, been given too much money, and now as per usual are desperately seizing on excuses to try to justify themselves, in an age when religion is not sophisticated enough.

@SchoolTripDrama - it's wearing everyday clothes when you would normally be in uniform - army or schools use it most often. Lots of schools have mufti days to raise money for charities or for school. You pay £1 or £2. It's sort of obligatory and kids who come in uniform get teased. It's the kind of thing ADHD parents routinely forget and I used to break a sweat making sure I'd remember

I masked all throughout school, inside the building I showed zero signs. Masking is often why stuff gets missed. It’s not as simple as you didn’t see it so it isn’t there.

Yes exactly; and after a day of trying so hard to fit in at school the behaviour at home can be explosive

It was ableist

Surely only self centred people who have no clue about that have those uneducated, entitled opinions?

There's that many traits I think most people could claim they too have traits without being ADHD. You only have to look at the comments on 'Adhd love' on Instagram or FB to see people commenting ' oh yeah, that's so me!' or ' I do that as well! I have traits, dh does, we are not Adhd.

True, however there's something that's meant I've never been really able to work. That's a pretty major impairment in functioning. That's not just my bipolar as bipolar is episodic.

Tbh, I did have a shit mother and still do.

I can pin a lot of my issues onto things that she caused during my childhood. My ADHD isn’t one of them

I wonder if it is partly that in generations before we sent people away if they were seen to be neurodiverse. Therefore less likely to breed.
We don't do that now and therefore we multiply!
Also I know that my son would have been labelled bad and written off probably and therefore highly likely to end up dead through addiction or in prison if he had not been helped by his sen school. He is now a wonderfully calm and kind young man with a very bright future.
It is definitely within families, not bad parenting. And there have been no attachment issues in our case either. We have autism and adhd comorbidity too as well as adhd on its own.
And what a clever and wonderful bunch we are

Yeah, maybe partly that and maybe also that no one these days can tolerate their offspring being below average. Although it's mathematically impossible, everyone seeks to be above average or find a cause for the academic struggle. In the old days, ND pupils were classified as lazy, stupid, disorganised, annoying, timewasters, troublemakers. These days the catchall tag is ADHD. I'd be surprised if there are many more people with it than before. It just wasn't diagnosed.

I remember thinking, I know there is something badly wrong with me and I wish it had a name so I could get help for it. It was ADHD and dyspraxia., but I was just laughed at and bullied for both of them, by teachers as well as other pupils. Better today that the symptoms are recognised and people at least try to help.

The neuroscience doesn't explain the exponential rise in the prevalence of ADHD.

I think there's just more awareness, as happens with other conditions. In the past, these children would've mostly been left to just drop to the bottom, often wrongly seen by teachers etc as just a bit thick. They ended up on a factory line at best maybe (I'm not denying that there aren't some people like me with ADHD who did ok academically.)

My uncle's 62 now and he was in a 'special school' but I don't think he was even given any specific diagnosis at the time, he was just seen as not good at school and so the system sent him to this sort of school that existed then (he probably has dyslexia and autism, various professionals have said those things about him as an adult.)

He worked on a market stall he made (don't think he got much money from that) and eventually worked in care work (where I think the council probably let him get by for a while for other diversity reasons, where a private company would've let him go.)