'ADHD is the result of bad parenting?'

[porridgeisbae]

Does anyone here believe in that anymore? Admittedly I don't chat to many people outside of MN, but I hadn't even thought of that idea for a while- someone laid into me about it when I hadn't thought it was due to the parents for a moment in that discussion, I was just seeing it as a neurological difference.

I have some non-NT traits myself.

@Mumof2NDers I swear by meds for mental health so it's worth him keeping trying different ones until he finds the one that works best for him. There are many different things they can try.

As he has TS as well then of course he's more at risk of lacking confidence compared to someone without it.

But I know a young man who has tourette's and is ND, and he's doing great now.

He tried one anti depressant and they gave him heart palpitations so he’s point blank refused to try any more.
At the moment I’m encouraging and helping him to find a job, I’m convinced this could help with his confidence. He’s an extremely bright young man but left school with no GCSE’s.
He’s not keen on anything he’s seen on indeed (but he is applying for some). The dream is to be guitarist in a heavy metal band but he’s sensible enough to know it is just a dream 😀

😂😂😂👍🏻
So true 😁

@Mumof2NDers Aw lol. I think the young man I knew did an apprenticeship in landscape gardening and then went to a college for that.

Tourette’s is very linked to ADHD.
My one child stammered for a year, then he blinked for a year, then he touched his nose for a year and right now he is clearing his nose. All ND linked. Being co-morbid is very normal. Most of us have a combination of things. 🤷‍♀️

Correct me if i am wrong..(seeing ADHD later in life first hand since being with my DH)

But i understood it is proven that its brain chemistry or how brain is wired? Ie if my DH has caffine he falls asleep whereas most people perk up..not sure bad parenting can change how drugs effect a body for one example.

Yes people with ADHD sometimes have Tourette's but not always. If you think your child has Tourette's then you could try and get them diagnosed and treated.

Interestingly, there's no evidence of ADHD existing, except for a list of behaviours that have been clustered together under the label ADHD.

@alabastercodefier So...why do amphetamine or meth-based stimulants have the reverse effect on people with ADHD than on neurotypical people? Stimulants calm genuine ADHDsufferers but agitate NT people.

Also in tests ADHD sufferers have very poor magnesium and B Vitamin uptake and poor processing of dopamine.

Are these not evidence of differentiation in the brain's behaviour?

Interestingly, there's no evidence of ADHD existing, except for a list of behaviours that have been clustered together under the label ADHD.

@alabastercodefier You could say that about a lot of conditions really, at least when it comes to mental health. A condition is a conclusion reached as a result of studies etc. That doesn't mean it's not real. A diagnosis in theory helps form a treatment plan to improve the problematic symptoms.

I have bipolar and there's maybe even less evidence of that being a physically existing/neurological thing than ADHD. But it's a thing that has a real effect on people's lives for sure, and is treatable like other conditions.

Interestingly, there's no evidence of ADHD existing, except for a list of behaviours that have been clustered together under the label ADHD.

Literal description of 90%of the DSM.

@autienotnaughtym you have really hit the nail on the head. You’ve articulated how I feel about years of parenting ‘advice’ by smug parents.

I have a particularly smug friend who likes to tell me how she has it so much harder because she has one extra kid than me. Both NT. 😑😑😑

likes to say things like ‘in this house, we don’t tolerate that kind of behaviour’ when my eldest plays up.

while her meek and mild, cautious well behaved son quietly plays with his Lego.

Thing is though my family members have 2 non NT dc and do things like visit the dg and sit there eating the meal while both kids rampage round the house, once flooding the kitchen by leaving taps on and breaking windows etc.
I get that the parents are exhausted but the £££ of damage and the disengagement of the parents. I think one of them is non NT come to think of it.

I wish they would tell me how I can help more, it is irritating when you see all your possessions trashed.

I wouldn’t accept this behaviour from my DC at all- I apologise on their behalf!

I am on my child constantly- it’s exhausting! But I’d never let them run riot in someone’s house. In fact, I avoid being at someone’s home because it isn’t relaxing for me- far prefer pubs and restaurants, which have a kids play area, so I can eat my meal and have a conversation in peace. The problem is if people expect kids to sit quietly at the table.

likes to say things like ‘in this house, we don’t tolerate that kind of behaviour’ when my eldest plays up.

while her meek and mild, cautious well behaved son quietly plays with his Lego.

I used to have a friend with a husband like this. He'd give me 'helpful' advice. His first child, a lovely child, was like a little potato as a baby and toddler. You'd plonk her down and there she would sit. While mine was doing Wall of Death running around the house. His lovely wife used to say, "Terry does twice the parenting for half the result". She knew.

Then they had their third child. Who screamed from the second she was born until she was three years old. Utter lovely hellion. He did apologise and ask for advice. I think the quote was "I have no parenting skills".

Some people never have that third child and don't ever get it.

My inlaws don't believe in autism and ADHD, it's all to do with rubbish parenting...apparently. I did ask them what about children with nonverbal autism and they shifted awkwardly on their seat. Needless to say I don't let my autistic daughter anywhere near them without me/my husband there.

Parenting does not cause ADHD.

Unfortunately, some behaviours resulting from experience of early years neglect/trauma/attachment issues/poor parenting can mimic those associated with ADHD.

But that is not ADHD.

ADHD has nothing to do with parenting BUT...

it can be hard work parenting a child with ADHD (and autism) and I see many parents just give up on the parenting and let their child do what they like because "it's easier", thus resulting in badly behaved children due to poor parenting, children whom also have ADHD.

A child with ADHD still needs clear boundaries and behavioural expectations set, along with clear consequences.

It can be utterly exasperating parenting a child with ADHD/Autism, but that doesn't mean I have the right to give up. I chose to be a parent, and all children are different.

This. It is hard, hard work. Hard bloody work.

Yes, but that has significant implications for our understanding of what the condition is, what causes it, and whether it is even one thing.

The old idea that only kids with "real" ADHD would respond to the medication is no longer considered to be true. For all we know, there could be half a dozen different sets of circumstances that lead to the list of behaviours that we call ADHD, (and plenty of other things as well.) That could be some kind of brain differences, something to do with the environment at home or school, effects of modern foods, making brain changes due to lots of time gaming, which knows.

This. It is hard, hard work. Hard bloody work.

True. The only thing that made me do the hard work is that it's harder to not do it.

That isn’t true anyway.

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in case anyone is interested.

I totally agree with this.
I have seen this first hand with a family member.
I feel so sorry for people with a genuine ADHD diagnosis, it seems now that if you go for a private diagnosis you'll get your wish, even if the NHS has said otherwise.
And as unpopular an opinion as this may be I feel a lot of this is down to TikTok influencers, one especially decided herself she had ADHD, got a private diagnosis and now blames everything on ADHD, absolving herself from any responsibility for her poor behaviour. I know her personally and everything is a money making exercise for her

This isn't true, there is evidence of ADHD's existence in the form of structural differences in the volume of certain brain areas and functional differences in the activity of ADHD brains.

It's also not true though! There are plenty of studies showing functional differences in the activity of certain brain regions and structural differences in the size of different brain areas in ADHD.