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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

'ADHD is the result of bad parenting?'

296 replies

porridgeisbae · 26/05/2023 19:15

Does anyone here believe in that anymore? Admittedly I don't chat to many people outside of MN, but I hadn't even thought of that idea for a while- someone laid into me about it when I hadn't thought it was due to the parents for a moment in that discussion, I was just seeing it as a neurological difference.

I have some non-NT traits myself.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 27/05/2023 00:13

fUNNYfACE36 · 26/05/2023 23:37

Some people definitely have ot.Lots of kids are diagnosed with it who don't have it though.

Privately.

Mine has a free diagnosis and they don't give them out to all and sundry.

She's lucky that she has classic boy ADHD so it was caught early. Girls aren't diagnosed quite as readily as boys generally. The over diagnosis I'll bet is mainly male.

ScatsThat · 27/05/2023 00:17

I think there is a genetic component to ADHD, so if your child has it, there is a chance that one (or both) of the parents do too. With this in mind, it may be harder for ADHD parents to set consistent boundaries for their children, which a NT outsider might see as "bad parenting".

And to the person who said "there is no evidence of ADHD existing", this is not true. There are studies to show that different parts of the brain light up during different tasks comparing NT and ADHD brain scans. Several studies have pointed to a smaller prefrontal cortex and basal ganglia, and decreased volume of the posterior inferior vermis of the cerebellum — all of which play important roles in focus and attention. There are also strong links between ADHD and Parkinson's Disease, again due to physiological differences in brain structure (not just a collection of behaviours).

lemonchiffonpie · 27/05/2023 00:23

I think there is a genetic component to ADHD, so if your child has it, there is a chance that one (or both) of the parents do too.

Gabor Maté would disagree.

Scattered Minds - Dr. Gabor Maté (drgabormate.com)

"This book explodes the myth of attention deficit disorder as genetically based - and offers real hope and advice for children and adults who live with the condition."

CatMattress · 27/05/2023 00:25

alabastercodefier · 26/05/2023 19:30

I think it is in part due to poor attachment. Burt then I share that view with notable child development experts and psychotherapists like Gabor Maté.

The poor attachment happens when parents don't connect sufficiently with their children at critical developmental stages - but this can be down to unavoidable factors such as illness, depression, wrap-around childcare.

Interestingly, there's no evidence of ADHD existing, except for a list of behaviours that have been clustered together under the label ADHD.

Both my children have adhd. I did co sleeping, attachment parenting, natural term breastfeeding and was a SAHM until the youngest started school.

I have also come across research showing physiological differences in the brains of those with adhd.

In case someone has said this and in my frustration with you I missed it, apologies for not rtft but ODFOD.

CarCrazy · 27/05/2023 00:27

ChiChaNaYubi · 26/05/2023 19:37

That’s not true. There a lot of psychiatric conditions that can be evidenced by MRI imaging and other physiological signs.

No there aren't

ScatsThat · 27/05/2023 00:33

lemonchiffonpie · 27/05/2023 00:23

I think there is a genetic component to ADHD, so if your child has it, there is a chance that one (or both) of the parents do too.

Gabor Maté would disagree.

Scattered Minds - Dr. Gabor Maté (drgabormate.com)

"This book explodes the myth of attention deficit disorder as genetically based - and offers real hope and advice for children and adults who live with the condition."

I don't know who Gabor Mate is. I tried to look him up on Google Scholar but couldn't find anything. Can you link to any of Gabor Mate's peer reviewed articles on the subject of ADHD? Thanks in advance.

Radiodread · 27/05/2023 00:34

It's totally still an "explanation" bandied around by some annoying people without the first clue about ADHD. Maybe it makes them feel better about their excellent parenting and neurotypical children, who really knows?

I find it really interesting to ask such people how it can be, that one child in a family has these issues but others don't. Despite them having the same parents....

Are there no twin studies on ADHD? really nothing? I'm off to investigate.

lemonchiffonpie · 27/05/2023 00:39

ScatsThat · 27/05/2023 00:33

I don't know who Gabor Mate is. I tried to look him up on Google Scholar but couldn't find anything. Can you link to any of Gabor Mate's peer reviewed articles on the subject of ADHD? Thanks in advance.

Gosh.

Gabor Maté - Wikipedia

lemonchiffonpie · 27/05/2023 00:40

Also, there are sample chapters of his book on ADHD in the link I gave from his website.

Radiodread · 27/05/2023 00:44

Oh, the dude who diagnosed someone famous with various stuff based on second hand accounts, for likes in the media? Yeah. I'm definitely trusting his science.

Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie · 27/05/2023 00:46

My eldest has ADHD. She is an absolute dream child, really well behaved, rarely had tantrums. Even now she is very emotionally astute, cares for others. She slept for hours, is quiet and loves her own company. She is bright and creative. She actually has very good impulse control and is a real rule follower.

She has inattentive type, possibly combined ADHD.

We first noticed signs about 18 months old, she went for an EEG for absence seizures, the consultant we saw suggested then that we keep an eye on her for attention issues because she wasn't seizing, she was just going off in her own world.

At school she doesn't cause any trouble, but what she does do is not pay any attention. She gets over looked, drifts off into fairyland and has to really work at concentrating before she can do anything else.

She would still have the same issues if she was the hyperactive subtype, however you wouldn't be able to look past the "naughty", "disobedient", "defiant", "bouncing off the walls" issues to really see what lies inside.

With my own daughter we are currently celebrating as she's gone from needing constant 1-2-1 helping her to being able to concentrate for 5 minutes at a time. That's so mega it's unreal.

Definitely not an attachment issue either, or a lack of interest. My entire energy revolves around her and making sure she's set up just right with love, sensory feedback, sport activities, food, sleep, downtime. It's exhausting.

lemonchiffonpie · 27/05/2023 00:47

Radiodread · 27/05/2023 00:44

Oh, the dude who diagnosed someone famous with various stuff based on second hand accounts, for likes in the media? Yeah. I'm definitely trusting his science.

The well-regarded trauma expert who gave his opinion when asked.

Radiodread · 27/05/2023 00:51

Well-regarded by whom?

He's not for me, but each to their own.

octaurpus · 27/05/2023 01:04

There are a few comments on here to the effect that: 'Yes but I know a child whose fake neurodivergence is DEFINITELY caused by shit parenting and IF ONLY they were parented differently [using the amazing skills possessed by the poster, I presume] the child would be COMPLETELY FINE.'

You have no idea. Really, you just don't.

Askil · 27/05/2023 01:35

@lemonchiffonpie How do you explain the relationship between ADHD and a neurological condition such as Tourettes Syndrome? According to research over half of people with Tourettes Syndrome will also have ADHD.(Managing TS and associated conditions (tourettes-action.org.uk)) & (ADHD and Tics or Tourette Syndrome - CHADD)
Many children with ADHD also have an underlying primary diagnosis TS, Autism etc
Bearing in the mind the strong correlation between the two, does this translate as Tourettes Syndrome et al are also caused by poor attachment parenting?

Managing TS and associated conditions

In order to understand and best support people living with TS it is vital to acknowledge - aside from tics - other associated features and conditions that many people with TS experience.

https://www.tourettes-action.org.uk/74-co-occurring-symptoms.html

lemonchiffonpie · 27/05/2023 01:44

There is a vast swathe of land in between the idea of genetics vs "bad parenting" as the causation of ADHD and many other diagnosed conditions. I have no desire to argue this - merely thought some other angles worth looking at, and some alternative treatment options might be encouraging. God forbid anyone reads the chapters in the link provided.

porridgeisbae · 27/05/2023 02:23

@Askil That's a good point actually. So many people have both ASD and ADHD, and I don't think many people would say ASD is a result of bad parenting now. Smug types might try and blame the parents for the severity of a kid's behviours etc, thinking they could do better, but no one argues that ASD is solely a result of something the parents are doing wrong.

OP posts:
Spr1nk13 · 27/05/2023 06:07

I don’t think schools believe it anymore because that view is utter bullshit and they can see it for the disability it is. I started teaching in the 90s and can see how thankfully we are all better informed.

My Dd has autism and adhd, my sons are waiting diagnosis. I have autism and I’m waiting for adhd diagnosis which they suggested was a big likelihood in my diagnosis. My DD’s neurodiversity profile is like a Venn diagram. And the majority of her adhd traits are also her autistic traits. All 3 of my children are beautifully behaved in school as was I. My mother was a teacher and a great parent, ditto my dad and I don’t think I’m that bad either.😊 I’ve come across some quite highly regarded professionals in Cahms who have it in the family too. Like many with adhd we mask it in my family which causes MH issues and ridiculous misinformed crap such as I’ve read on here doesn’t help with that. I’ve seen medication have fantastic results and watch children with adhd (and autism) struggle every day to do what others take for granted.Some people need to educate themselves.

Sianthomasisnothererightnow · 27/05/2023 06:18

There are some wild and hugely offensive claims on here. I hate how some people view ADHD. If it was any other condition people wouldn’t dare be so fucking rude and dismissive. I think some people who haven’t got ADHD don’t realise how debilitating it really is. It’s ruined my life in many ways, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, and for people to say it doesn’t exist or is down to too much television or some such bollocks is so insulting.

Sianthomasisnothererightnow · 27/05/2023 06:20

lemonchiffonpie · 27/05/2023 00:47

The well-regarded trauma expert who gave his opinion when asked.

There is a LOT of controversy surrounding Gabor Mate, I wouldn’t just blindly believe everything he says.

PoussinBoussin · 27/05/2023 06:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sianthomasisnothererightnow · 27/05/2023 06:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Are you always this kind about disabilities?

Spr1nk13 · 27/05/2023 06:31

PoussinBoussin · Today 06:23
“Fucks sake. Do you lot ever stop banging on about ADHD? Stop making it part of your identity and using it as an excuse for everything then everyone else will stop talking about it too”

Excuse for what? I’ve not seen that.And yes are you that vile towards other disabilities?

ohfook · 27/05/2023 06:38

MrTiddlesTheCat · 26/05/2023 20:53

Also worth pointing out that ADHD meds cause a very serious decline in behaviour if given to someone who doesn't actually have ADHD. So all these allegedly poorly parented kids being misdiagnosed would soon be spotted.

I thought this had been disproven.

ohfook · 27/05/2023 06:51

Radiodread · 27/05/2023 00:34

It's totally still an "explanation" bandied around by some annoying people without the first clue about ADHD. Maybe it makes them feel better about their excellent parenting and neurotypical children, who really knows?

I find it really interesting to ask such people how it can be, that one child in a family has these issues but others don't. Despite them having the same parents....

Are there no twin studies on ADHD? really nothing? I'm off to investigate.

There's plenty of twin studies on adhd. Basically identical twins are far more likely to both have adhd than siblings who aren't twins and non-identical twins are somewhere in the middle.

That suggests a genetic link but doesn't prove it.