'ADHD is the result of bad parenting?'

[porridgeisbae]

Does anyone here believe in that anymore? Admittedly I don't chat to many people outside of MN, but I hadn't even thought of that idea for a while- someone laid into me about it when I hadn't thought it was due to the parents for a moment in that discussion, I was just seeing it as a neurological difference.

I have some non-NT traits myself.

it seems now that if you go for a private diagnosis you'll get your wish, even if the NHS has said otherwise
hmm, how many people do you think go for a private diagnosis after being assessed by the NHS and found not to have ADHD, as opposed to being on a waiting list for years (or for an adult, not even put on a waiting list)?

@Dooopylally the one I know did and this is why I think so poorly of them.
It is completely different going private if you can't get an nhs appt but my post wasn't about that, it was about going for a private diagnosis after being told they didn't have it and how insulting it is to those with a a genuine diagnosis

You were generalising you weren't just writing about one person.

My example was about one person as I know for a fact what they did.
I'd like to hope that there are not many people like her around that would go and get a private diagnosis after being told they don't have it but you can't possibly say it doesn't happen because it does, hence the reason I mentioned the person I know

A private diagnosis is a genuine diagnosis. The psychiatrist doesn’t cease to know there job because it happens to be Tuesday when he sees private patients, not Wednesday when he sees the NHS ones 🤦‍♀️

No, what happened is that two medical professionals had different opinions.

There is nothing to say who is correct unless we have their full CV, educational background and research interests in front of us so we can work out who is more likely to be correct.

@likepebblesonabeach fyi, you can find the statistics for private clinics on the percentage of patients they diagnose- so you can compare that to the nhs stats and put your mind at rest.

Though have you seen that recent documentary about ADHD diagnosis? ( BBC)

the reporter was diagnosed without seeing the psychiatrist- instead it was a rather bored psychologist whose credentials I’d question

If you read genuine statistics you will also know that by the time you pay for private diagnosis - which the major percentage does only as a last resort as you can't get it through the NHS without waiting a life time, if you get it at all.
By the time people, especially adults go to seek a diagnosis they already known they have ADHD. Sometimes it takes a while to get to this point, I was 52 years old when I got my diagnosis.
There is two stages of having ADHD.

1. Not knowing you have it, but thinking you are basically crazy instead - going through self hatred and depressions and not understanding why you are so fucked up.
2. Knowing you have ADHD and getting diagnosis. The start of the road to forgiving yourself for being the human you are. By the time you seek diagnosis as a grown up most people already know they have ADHD, and that is why they are seeking diagnosis. Hence the large percentage of people seeking diagnosis are told they have ADHD.

@behuman this is very true. A very high percentage of people who pay for private diagnosis will have ADHD.

I have ADHD- and only really questioned if I had it after having DC with it , and also menopause.

However, I think some private providers are taking the piss here and essentially rubber stamping self diagnosis. ( having watched BBC documentary)

i think there will be people with other MH issues and/or trauma who will be misdiagnosed. While it’s not the end of the world if you take the medication for ADHD, it maybe delays/ stops people finding the underlying causes of their symptoms and seeking more appropriate treatment.

as for the odd attention seeker who wants a diagnosis, I actually think ‘does it matter?’ If there’s a few people saying they have ADHD who don’t

No, but in recent years I have come across more parents using a ND diagnosis as an excuse to not bother parenting effectively, where as any seasoned ND parent knows you have to be a hell of a lot better than the average parent to even have some semblance of social normality.

@teabycandlelight Yes I saw that Panorama documentary. What was interesting about that was that the NHS consultant who said the journalist didn’t have ADHD knew the basis on which he was being asked and had other information not given to the private clinicians. The NHS clinician featured was new to diagnosing ADHD and not necessarily in a position to comment. I agree that one of the practitioners looked like she was lolling around on the sofa but I thought there was some very biased editing going on regarding some of the other private practitioners (it’s a while since I saw it and I can’t remember all the details). It is not representative of the ADHD assessors in the private sector that I know professionally (who often work in the NHS as well).

When I had my private diagnosis of ADHD six years ago I was subject to 2 hours of assessment and it was very thorough, seeking information from family as well. The psychiatrist who diagnosed me was a former ADHD lead for two NHS MH trusts. I was 51 when I got my diagnosis - it didn’t feel like any easy journey to get there.

The upshot of that Panarama documentary is that quite a few people who were managing their ADHD after a private diagnosis had their shared care agreement withdrawn by newly sceptical GPs. There was a huge backlash against that documentary. Along with the TikTok self diagnosers it tapped into growing concern about diagnosis mills (which should be questioned), but it also added to the growing derision people with ADHD suffer. I’ve found people’s scepticism one of the hardest things, having a diagnosis and meds has changed my life for the better, yet I’m continually told that what I’ve tackled for years doesn’t exist. Of course, if I’d waited for the NHS I’d probably still be waiting now!

Yes, I'm so glad I got my diagnosis when I did. You can now only get an NHS diagnosis where I live if it's literally a matter of life and death, or else if it will affect the results of a case going through the family courts.

@YouOKHun thats really interesting detail- thanks.

I agree that the documentary wasn’t very good…the ‘so what?’ of the story was that some people might be taking meds they don’t need ( and there’s no evidence that adhd has any long term effects on people’s health, so what’s the problem?)

I also think it completely missed the very real issue of people waiting years for diagnosis. It took my DC 4 years to finally access medication in the NHS system. Years of it not being dealt with had affected their primary school education significantly.

I also agree that people are very sceptical about it- I don’t tell people I also have ADHD, as I worry that people judge. Although I do know someone who got diagnosed to explain away an affair. I think he has wider MH issues and was looking for a label.

I think people often see £££ and get confused- they think if you go to a private clinic you are buying a diagnosis, but as I said earlier- any reputable clinic will have published stats an how many people they diagnose (ours was about 1/3 of those that went there), and you pay them before anything is done- they get the money no matter if they diagnose or not so there isn’t an incentive to give false positives.

In the NHS there is in fact a top down incentive NOT to diagnose, because the more children they accept have SEND the more potential for cost to them (I don’t mean individual doctors, lots are ace, I mean on a structural level in terms of criteria and thresholds). Many councils have been told recently to reduce the number of EHCPs by 20%- things like that are much easier to do if you are gate keeping services at every level.

Good post. A friend of mine was like-minded like me and put it down to bad parenting. However, they had a grandchild who was hyper etc and set I their ways and diagnosed with that. Now, my friend takes a different view to a great extent but still believes at lest some of it is down to "bad parenting."

A GC of ours since the age of about 4 had shown traits of this - then more so at 5. Parents, especially dad, ie our so put his foot down but as a loving father in a constructive manner. That GC of ours still gets a bit hyper and often one-track mind once mind set on things, but is now easily coaxed out of it

IMO, my opinions have changed more recently, I believe there is an element of "bad parenting" at times only and a good majority diagnosed with this condition do have it but not all of them. Time will tell.

I guess until most people experience things like this or almost anything first-hand, it is only then many understand the difficulties of bringing up some children.

To be a parent, it is hard work at times but worth it.

I asked a head of one the leading ADHD research labs about this and they said that they tend to find self-diagnosis is very very highly correlated with brain imaging studies confirming ADHD, so their overall opinion was that tiktok has had an influence on awareness which has increased diagnoses and that people who self-diagnose are typically correct.

You example just explains why they typically don't diagnose before 6. Because 4-5 behaviour can just be 4-5 behaviour.

Another factor people don’t talk about is that the the way they diagnose ADHD is terrible inadequate and has not moved along with all the new knowledge and information we have about it these days. The BBC program highlighted this to the exstrem if you had any proper knowledge of ADHD. It was a very poorly researched programme, a dire attempt to explain a complicated situation that misrepresented the true situation.
If any one actually wants up to date in depth information they should look up:
www.additudemag.com

And ps: lots of people with ADHD are not hyper active at all - rather opposite. ADHD is not about being hyperactive, it is about not being able to regulate when and where your attention goes. Hyper focus is also part of ADHD…
ADHD and it’s effects are massively misunderstood by the general public.

Personally i think we could have diagnosed both my dc with adhd from very young as their behaviour was at an extreme of 'normal'
Most toddlers do not
Touch everything in shops
Lick spray bottles of beach
Run off
Put things up nose
Lock you out the house
Hide keys
Drag feet in pushchair
Not nap at all
Or sleep through night until 3
Flood the bathroom
Hit, kick, bite
Not sitting for storytime anywhere. But listening
Its like terrible twos on steriods but lasts from well birth to maybe 5.
They did calm a bit down but its true its a delay befind average children so now i have a 12yo and 9yo. But its more like a 8 and 6yo.

Emotional lability, physically fighting or what starts as messing about ends in screeching.

I would say part of the difference in badly behaved non sen kids is locally they get worse from y5 into secondary.
I do think some kids - like adults- are just not nice. And that is personality they just like beong mean and upsetting others. That can start from birth and would be hard to tell apart from sen if you dont know them well as ots the intent which you have to know someone well to determine.
Some kids just care more about themself than others

And others in a pda way will do the opposite of what you want.

I dont really see why people think children can be completely controlled.
Instructed, redirected, punished etc. But even when uk parenting was more strict there were still kids who would be impulsive etc.