'ADHD is the result of bad parenting?'

[porridgeisbae]

Does anyone here believe in that anymore? Admittedly I don't chat to many people outside of MN, but I hadn't even thought of that idea for a while- someone laid into me about it when I hadn't thought it was due to the parents for a moment in that discussion, I was just seeing it as a neurological difference.

I have some non-NT traits myself.

I love this, thank you for these words.

THANK YOU for this post.

My child with ADHD is (or was) sweet, kind, wanted to do well and behave. But before we understood what was happening, we got frustrated that he found it really hard to do things other kids didn't need to be told twice. We must have told him to do x or y literally hundreds of times, and overcoming the challenges and impulses is just so hard for him. Literally years of corrections and "consequences" from us in an attempt to be "good" parents has in fact made him into a less happy, more anxious child and hasn't even really improved the behaviours (which weren't actually damaging or "naughty"). Now we've spent years and £££ trying to undo the damage.

I did.There is a three year waiting lit just to get an assessment. Then a waiting list for brain scans etc. It'll be a good five years.

👆
yep yep yep

Some of the arguments for ADHD being down to parenting or trauma are reminiscent of the "refrigerator mother theory" of the causes of autism. This was a prevalent explanation in the 1950s and 1960s. We've moved so far for autism.

Poor attachment is an interesting idea. Superficially it suggests that the parent wasn't doing the right thing to create a secure attachment. But maybe neurodiverent children respond differently to the parent and are on a path to a different attachment style, irrespective of the parent's actions. My DD2 was a very different baby to DD1 - she was very self-sufficient and didn't want to be held and comforted like her sister. I was very much up for another snuggly baby, so was definitely available for her. When out at baby groups, she never seemed to check back with me for reassurance, which made me wonder about her attachment style at the time. But now that I think back to it, those features of self-sufficiency and being absorbed in what she was doing at baby group match the "away with the fairies" and hyperfocus she shows now. So I would argue that the behaviours you might look at for attachment issues are, at least in part, features of her attention issues.

Whilst environmental factors obviously do have an impact on children, it's really sad to see "blame the parents" coming back as "trauma informed practice". If we want the best for children, then alienating parents doesn't seem to me to be the right approach.

I have adhd so do my children. We are fantastic. Do you think people with black hair is a result of dull parenting 😴

Can you provide a link to evidence supporting that?

I ask because I can provide many, many links showing significant differences between ADHD and neurotypical brains on MRI scans.

"Interestingly, there's no evidence of ADHD existing, except for a list of behaviours that have been clustered together under the label ADHD."

The same is true of all mental health diagnoses- there are no blood tests or X-rays, it is all based on symptoms and clusters of reported feelings/thoughts/behaviours.

Also, it's one thing to be able to do the 'extra' parenting needed by a child with adhd re developing good habits and structure etc etc, the coping mechanism. But it has a strong hereditary element, so often at least one parent is facing the same difficulties. This can mean the the behaviours seem normal, or if recognised a joint experience of ' let's create this helpful motivation thing, tomorrow... do it once and then...

Some of it may be bad parenting but some of it may be hereditary neurodiversity. I can easily imagine how I could have ended up on a rundown estate, unable to hold down a job or get my kids to school on time or do the dishes or pay the bills when they were due. It is way too easy for me to imagine how my brain could have allowed me to descend into that sort of behaviour. Add a run down estate and a local accents and you can label it bad parenting but it may not be as simple as that. There could be good reasons why some people end up on the bottom of the scrap heap and others don't.

@RoseRobot I'm unable to work for life due to my bipolar, and I used my PIP to pay to see a private consultant due to bad experiences with NHS (it ended badly with one consultant but there you go.)

I didn't have any spare money for much else for a couple of years as I paid for a psychologist, consultants, therapists, EMDR. But it was worth it in the end for all that I learned.

So if there's anything you could save or any way you could manage it if you prioritized it, I'd heartily recommend it.

I'd (rightly, probably!) not even thought of having ADHD before I saw that particular consultant that was mad keen on it. An awful NHS team had really harmed me and claimed I had borderline personality disorder, so I wanted to look into things like that (I don't really fully have that either, I don't think.)

Really sorry, haven’t actually read the whole
thread or even what exactly you’re responding to. But just wondering, Is it possible for attachment disorders to be repeated as poor attachments get repeated through families and generations?

My mother has dementia. She was always away with the fairies, even when she was young. Really away. But it just got steadily worse. This scares me. I can't stand the idea of having dementia and my boys having to look after me.

I think the thing with food is - if you have ADHD neuropathy, you can be a lot more sensitive to certain foods, and it is worth eliminating some and increasing others. But they are not the cause.

I can remember when autism was thought to be caused by cold parenting. So much misery resulted from this.

Thank you @porridgeisbae I intend to do exactly that. I'm going to get DS and me tested privately together. Maybe DS1 too, though I doubt he has it. Then I will look into a private prescription. Can't afford to take it every day, but just knowing I can take Concerta on days when I need to focus would be very reassuring.

I'd just like to add op that a lot of misinformed idiots people work in education and the NHS (I'm an educator, so this isn't a teacher bash btw. Just an acknowledgement that people are human and some choose to stay ignorant.

I'm really qualified in child education and psychology. Yet when I picked up my child's Nd early because I was aware of the signs and missing milestones significance I was assigned a play therapist to 'teach me how to parent' because the NHS assumes bad parenting even when your child has actual physical diagnosable symptoms like hypotonia and hyper mobility.

Now I don't think the play therapist enjoyed herself very much, as basically I wasn't lacking in parenting skills and there was nothing to correct. I tell you this though, even though I knew I was right and there's nothing wrong with my parenting and now have the paperwork to show for it, the whole process felt judgemental and humiliating. I can imagine for someone less versed in childcare it can literally break them.

I actually realised I needed to do my own heavy lifting when a health visitor, who had in her notes my child had cerebral palsy and autism, ADHD pathway, suggested she wasn't walking because I didn't take her to the park enough. This was a child with obvious gait difficulties and in physio therapy for the NHS and they don't give out those slots like candy. On the same visit she suggested he wasn't interested in interaction because I must be a refrigerator mum. (Not those words, but the sentiment)

They walk among us these ignorant people and often in the very positions that should be used to help parents abuses them.

Anyway, the point is a lot of I'll informed dickheads will flock to this thread because they lovvveee to stick the boot in, but parents of Nd children will be reading and questioning themselves. And they shouldn't. Nd parents have to work twice as hard at the minimum and it's disgusting to imply they are somehow at fault.

The increase in the prevalence is partly due to the change in the way ADHD is diagnosed and a change in the diagnostic criteria and measurement/scales Id have thought. Plus greater attention to the co-morbidities. Also the fact that ADD is now under the ADHD umbrella and FINALLY girls and women are being diagnosed now that there is better recognition of the way it tends to manifest in females.

I had a diagnosis on Inattentive ADHD a few years ago at the age of 52. I’ve tried two brains for size, the first one left me with a life time of struggles. I knew my approach was unusual and my life was difficult and chaotic but I just assumed I was a useless fuckwit and so did all my teachers. Then one day I took my first dose of Lisdexamfetamine and got on with my day, and that was the revelation - I got on with my day. Now I do in a day what took my three days before. It has had an affect on my emotions which are much calmer. Ten years before I might have mistakenly been given a BPD diagnosis. For me my ADHD is very real, the downside is that because I’m not a 10 year old boy excluded from the classroom for being disruptive and because I’m a middle class, middle aged, educated woman I am apparently being a fraud or “jumping on the bandwagon”. It’s frustrating.

ADHD is being talked about which is generally a good thing. The negative side of people generally becoming more informed is that there are a lot of people self-diagnosing and misunderstanding the elements of a proper diagnostic assessment and there is an increasing backlash against ADHD. The timing of the recent Panorama docu was part of this. Though he was (rightly) highlighting some private diagnosis mills, his methods were flawed and what has happed is that people with a genuine diagnosis from a private clinic are losing their shared care agreements and can no longer get prescriptions. It’s led to a plethora of “ADHD doesn’t exist” articles. It’s extremely wearing to be told that something that has blighted my life doesn’t exist or is purely nurture, not nature.

@Somanycats “Children who have experienced poor parenting exhibit ADHD much more often than children who have experienced adequate parenting. I don't think anyone professionals dispute that”. I think professionals would dispute that - correlation does not equal causation.

Maybe, but there’s a genetic factor that Gabor Mate tends to play down in favour of poor attachment as a reason for ADHD.

I know quite a few kids with ADHD with loving supportive families. I also see loads of kids from quite unpleasant situations that don’t have ADHD.

but also want to correct your insinuation that it’s ‘poor’ parenting that’s the problem. Sometimes it’s caused by depression in the mother- even if she’s loving and attentive, she may not fully bond with the child. This can be caused ( according to Mate) by the mum not maintaining eye contact long enough with her baby. That is not bad parenting.

Oh, apologies! Yes I didn’t mean you!

Please. Stop.

Please. Stop.

I agree with this.

Hang on, wrap-around childcare causes ADHD?