Catfished and can’t get over it

[Lifesagamethentheytaketheboardaway]

Just as the title says really. Met a guy online about a month ago, and we hit it off so well. Our sense of humours went together, taste in movies and board games and general outlook on life. He wasn’t copying me on that stuff; he lead the conversation and went first with a lot of our comments and it was exactly the stuff I wanted in a man. He had multiple photos online and they all matched one another. We planned a couple of meetings but I cancelled the first one when stuck at work and he cancelled the next one when stuff came up.

Well, we met tonight and he was not the man in his photos. He was 10 years older, bald and had a huge beard and overweight. Just…. Nothing at all like his photos.

I can’t get over it. We’ve talked everyday for a month. We’ve messaged and had phone calls. And he was the perfect fit personality wise but then this totally different awful person arrived.

I know now I should have insisted on a video call or something but I hate video calls and never do them so it isn’t something I would as for.

I just can’t get over it. I can’t sleep and feel sick and so upset.

Someone knock some sense into me.

but he's not a 'totally different awful' person just because you don't like his looks. He's the same person, in different packaging

He is NOT the same person that his photos indicated. Its not just that he's older, he used photos of someone else so its a totally different person so she's right- he isnt the same person!

You poor thing. What an absolute prize twat he is! How was that ever going to work out? You really have to wonder what goes through peoples heads when they come up with these plans.
Don’t lose heart. Lots of nice blokes out there with similar interests to you who aren’t pretending to be someone else!

But it's the lying.
Also nothing wrong with not finding someone unattractive. I like sporty men (as am I) who very rarely are overweight so that would be a turn off.

attractivenot unattractive.

Ugh that's so horrid I'm so sorry that happened to you. It happened to me once but during a string of hilarious dating stories so I was just like 'oh yeh obviously' 🙄

Don't let it put you off. My advice is actually not to talk online for too long before meeting- people are often a disappointment in real life. I remember one week I was away and spent a lot of time talking to a man who I was excited to meet when I got back but we met and it was such a tumbleweed moment for both of us. No catfish at all just no real life chemistry. I was so brutal by then that after half an hour I was honest about it and he agreed he felt the same.

Time wasters are rife on online dating. Your time is valuable. Don't let the wrong people take it xx

@Plbrookes it's shows a lot about you that you defend the man who deliberately mislead a woman online. Have you done this yourself?

Yes he lied and is probably an entitled twat. And yes its completely fine to have a type and not find over weight people attractive BUT being overweight, and bald doesnt make you awful. His behaviour made him awful, not his appearance. Either way I'm sorry this happened to OP.

Ps now married with 3 babies from a man I met online xxx

@Chispazo it shows a lot about you that you think it's OK to call someone an 'awful person' because you're not physically attracted to them. Are you OK with that when men do it to you?

He lied. So wrong. But you’re so shallow. To describe him as awful just because he’s bald and overweight is cruel. I’m glad he blocked you tbh, hopefully he will be able to find someone who will love him for who he is, not what he looks like.

He clearly has very low self esteem to try and be someone who he is not. Probably knocked even more when you just scarpered based on his looks.

You need to meet them sooner. Just for a walk out coffee or something. Don't put so much time, energy and emotion into someone you really don't know

Honestly OP, I’m not surprised you feel disappointed but you can choose between feeling victimised for the deception or feeling proud you had the immense courage to walk away just after 2 minutes. I would chose the latter any time.

It is unfortunately very common in OLD to encounter this, you managed it greatly. Please don’t think all the men in OLD will be like this, after all, most men in OLD suffer from similar deceptions regularly and definitely more often than women, but I strongly suggest don’t communicate for ages. One week of messages and meeting for a coffee in a busy place can get you better results and much less heartache than building a “relationship” online before meeting the actual person.

Nothing wrong with not being attracted to a much older, overweight man in your 30s. I wouldnt have been either. Also- for the people seemingly defending this man- if he's so great, why isnt he approaching women his own age? why is he hitting on much younger women and putting up photos of someone else on his profile? That makes me feel a bit sick tbh

You're losing it. You are defending a person who misrepresented himself. Why???

And THIS crap is why they think they can get away with catfishing. Because if you care what they look like "you're shallow".

Bollox to that! Looks play a big part in attraction, as does honesty!!!

but I told him he was a psychopath and needed to grow the fuck up and get a life. Not my finest moment.

To the contrary I think that was a very fine moment indeed. Kudos to you.

It is a fucked up thing to do and you called him out on it.

Yeh, he may think twice about using somebody else's photos in the future.

So if a man found you physically unattractive you think it's OK for him to describe you as an 'awful woman'? That's not shallow of him?

He clearly has very low self esteem to try and be someone who he is not. Probably knocked even more when you just scarpered based on his looks

Is this a joke? you think its ok for older men to lie to younger women online and post fake pictures of themselves and its purely just because the poor lambs have "low self esteem"?

Hahaha I've heard everything now

If I completely and deliberately misrepresented myself and lied, yes. Absolutely.

I don't know if tit is the case with him but a lot of men are totally deluded. They genuinely believe they look younger or even enough like someone else that they can pass for them! I have an elderly relative who looks awful after years of neglecting their health, is also obese but is convinced that they look considerably younger than they are and that they have a muscular physique! This bloke you dated is probably wondering why he keeps attracting all these 'mad' women who walk out of dates and call him names!

"I looked up and saw this awful overweight middle-aged frump". You're OK with a man saying that about you?

@Greycloudlooming ha ha there are women who might love him as he is but he didnt message them, he put up fake photos to look in a younger pool. He sounds shallow. And a liar.

Op ignore the weird posters trying to make you feel bad you didn't overlook being duped like it was no big deal.

I would have done exactly the same.

I wasn't exactly catfished, but the man I was dating told me a series of lies - he had a 2 bedroom waterfront apartment, but lived with his parents. He had his own, very successful landscape gardening business, but worked for the council in their parks department. He was a proficient scuba diver in Egypt and The Maldives but had never had a passport. He had a fully restored 70's campervan that he'd toured Europe in but couldn't drive. The campervan belonged to his dad.

I think that he told me his best/longed for version of himself and how he wanted his life to be - but I felt so bloody stupid when I found out.