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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Catfished and can’t get over it

302 replies

Lifesagamethentheytaketheboardaway · 26/05/2023 03:32

Just as the title says really. Met a guy online about a month ago, and we hit it off so well. Our sense of humours went together, taste in movies and board games and general outlook on life. He wasn’t copying me on that stuff; he lead the conversation and went first with a lot of our comments and it was exactly the stuff I wanted in a man. He had multiple photos online and they all matched one another. We planned a couple of meetings but I cancelled the first one when stuck at work and he cancelled the next one when stuff came up.

Well, we met tonight and he was not the man in his photos. He was 10 years older, bald and had a huge beard and overweight. Just…. Nothing at all like his photos.

I can’t get over it. We’ve talked everyday for a month. We’ve messaged and had phone calls. And he was the perfect fit personality wise but then this totally different awful person arrived.

I know now I should have insisted on a video call or something but I hate video calls and never do them so it isn’t something I would as for.

I just can’t get over it. I can’t sleep and feel sick and so upset.

Someone knock some sense into me.

OP posts:
SamW98 · 27/05/2023 14:07

GuitarsUnderTheStars · 27/05/2023 03:46

This happened to someone I know.

What a creep. Glad you left. Lol at him blocking you, no doubt his ego couldn’t take being called out for being a liar and a weirdo. Sick bastard.

He obviously didn’t want to hear the truth. Sadly he’s probably already moved on to his next victim sending the same faking photos and spinning the same BS hoping next time she stays and give him a chance to explain wear her down until he gets a sympathy shag

Mamma2017 · 29/05/2023 07:15

silverfullmoon · 26/05/2023 05:52

I think the key lesson here is- dont get emotionally involved or attached to someone you havent met. Keep text messages and online conversations brief, cordial, and short and keep your emotions in check and dont engage in long conversations until you have actually met the person. You are struggling now because you got emotionally attached to someone who turned out not to be who they said they were. Its hard to accept because you are a decent person who was honest about yourself and therefore you expect others to be the same. Unfortunately, online dating is full of people like him and the only way you can protect yourself from this happening is by having iron strong boundaries and a strong hold over your emotions. Its tempting to meet someone and get carried away with "what ifs..." or images of the two of you together. Dont do that- keep it light, and always just have the attitude of "we'll see". If someone tries to keep engaging you online in deep conversations before you have met, always be guarded about that and just tell them "I'd love to have this conversation in person".

There are decent people in online dating but you will need to protect yourself by not running ahead in your imagination and dont invest so much in someone until you know who they really are and that they are also investing in you.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

Lovely response and right on the mark! 👌🏼

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