Catfished and can’t get over it

[Lifesagamethentheytaketheboardaway]

Just as the title says really. Met a guy online about a month ago, and we hit it off so well. Our sense of humours went together, taste in movies and board games and general outlook on life. He wasn’t copying me on that stuff; he lead the conversation and went first with a lot of our comments and it was exactly the stuff I wanted in a man. He had multiple photos online and they all matched one another. We planned a couple of meetings but I cancelled the first one when stuck at work and he cancelled the next one when stuff came up.

Well, we met tonight and he was not the man in his photos. He was 10 years older, bald and had a huge beard and overweight. Just…. Nothing at all like his photos.

I can’t get over it. We’ve talked everyday for a month. We’ve messaged and had phone calls. And he was the perfect fit personality wise but then this totally different awful person arrived.

I know now I should have insisted on a video call or something but I hate video calls and never do them so it isn’t something I would as for.

I just can’t get over it. I can’t sleep and feel sick and so upset.

Someone knock some sense into me.

this! totally this.

and I will be very happy to say that I am "shallow" and like attractive guys, and - hold on, this will shock you - the ones that are decent and a good company! wow, can you even believe my shallowness.

Oh, and if she does find a man that she finds physically attractive, he’ll be otherwise terrible (everyone knows if you’re attractive you’re not allowed any other positive quality) and treat her horribly. And she’ll deserve it, because that’s what you get for being shallow.

Or there’s the worst possible consequence, she won’t find a man at all and she’ll end her days as the cat lady from the Simpsons.

Lies, lies or witchcraft! Everyone knows it’s impossible for someone to be attractive AND have a great personality AND be good company.

Where does the OP say that? I can't find it. I find her saying he was a psychopath that needs to grow up for being a liar and carrying on that lie for so long.

@Plbrookes she said a totally different awful person turned up. They were awful. They had persistently lied and she could see that instantly so she is quite within her rights ti determine instantly that he was indeed an awful person.

Yep. She comments on his appearance and then calls him an awful person in a different paragraph. It’s clear as day in the OP

And he is an awful person for stringing her along for a month - it’s obvious what she’s saying to anyone not trying to start an argument in an empty room.

Aye, starting a relationship off based on a lie from the very beginning? Fuck that shit. I'd have walked away too, as anyone with any sense would.n

What was his explanation op?

Are you seriously suggesting a man using a picture of SOMEONE ELSE is the same as a woman wearing make up?! WTF?!!

Not my type, he's all yours

In other news, this thread has gone batshit.

And that is the issue. Regardless of whether he’s Brad Pitt’s better looking brother or Danny Di Vitos stunt double - he’s a liar. End of story

He can’t be trusted so he doesn’t deserve a chance to explain.

OP did the right thing and the best thing she can do is put it behind her and move on.

Bravo - not at all cool. Well done for telling him what you thought

Too late now but in future meet up fairly quickly rather than waiting a month+ if possible. That way you haven’t wasted too much time messaging and calling someone you hate in person. I’d also recommend not getting invested in people you haven’t met to avoid this feeling again.

Glad you got up and left and didn’t feel obliged to politely stick around, I’d also feel grateful he blocked you tbh. What a creep.

Met up with a guy who said he was 5ft 10. I’m not especially bothered by a man’s height but when he turned up he was as smaller than me and I’m 5ft 4. Because he had travelled a long way to meet I felt obliged to stay but it was a painful experience to say the least as I had no interest in seeing him again.

Think we’ve all had bad online dating experiences.

Ive not been too unlucky but I’m just starting out so that could not age well!

Other than the dick pic bloke, the worst I had was a bloke whole loved the sound of his own voice. His opening line upon meeting was that I could order what I wanted because he was putting it on company account and claiming back his expenses. Who said romance is dead?

Oh and most of us have had the one where we went on a date with a guy who said he was 6'2 meaning I too am 6'2 apparently.

"Met up with a guy who said he was 5ft 10. I’m not especially bothered by a man’s height but when he turned up he was as smaller than me and I’m 5ft 4"

They really do think women are fucking stupid, don't they!! 😠

It was a different person!!!

It wasn't the same guy who'd just gained some pounds since his last photo, or who'd posted a photo of his younger self. That would be deceptive, but a different person altogether? That tips it into creepy.

I agree with your point in general about not being mean about how people look but OP never actually mentioned that the looks in the photo were attractive or important, all comments were about personality, sense of humour etc.

The totally different awful person was awful because the deception was at odds with his apparent character

Seriously though- WTF do men do this? They'd be straight out the door if a woman claimed to be size 10 when she was really size 20 so why lie? Its not like men would date a woman they dont find attractive just because she was "a nice girl" so why expect women to do the same? The hypocrisy is mind blowing

OLD is full of tiny guys with big egos. And I mean TINY! I'm about 5ft 6, and some guys I met were a head shorter than me! Like, they couldn't have been taller than 4ft 5in and also skinny. And I literally don't care about man's height, in my life I fell in love with guys same height as myself (as well as hulking tall ones), but I draw a line at someone I can literally lift!

There’s an awful lot of short men on OLD I’ve realised.
Im 5’7 and I reckon at least half are shorter than me.
I might risk being called shallow on here but my heat sinks when I see a nice photo, look at the profile and he’s about 5’3

@SamW98 the saddest thing is if these guys were cool, confident and funny I wouldn't have minded, but they were all invariably bitter, insecure and weirdly oversexed ((

First of all, apologies,

That said what character do you prefer for d and d,
My group keeps starting then stopping it's a mix, at the moment I'm a ranger, wood elf. Considering going down the tracking of fabius bile character and philosophy quest for my characters quest line.

I'm glad you left. Personally I'd have awaited an explanation but his behaviour is outrageous.
This isn't bending the truth with your best most flattering pictures, it's deception! Now I certainly don't think looks are everything but if he's particularly unattractive he might struggle making connections...however who in their right mind plans to start a relationship based on a lie!
Make sure you report him. Those pics might be stolen, not borrowed.

This happened to someone I know.

What a creep. Glad you left. Lol at him blocking you, no doubt his ego couldn’t take being called out for being a liar and a weirdo. Sick bastard.