Catfished and can’t get over it

[Lifesagamethentheytaketheboardaway]

Just as the title says really. Met a guy online about a month ago, and we hit it off so well. Our sense of humours went together, taste in movies and board games and general outlook on life. He wasn’t copying me on that stuff; he lead the conversation and went first with a lot of our comments and it was exactly the stuff I wanted in a man. He had multiple photos online and they all matched one another. We planned a couple of meetings but I cancelled the first one when stuck at work and he cancelled the next one when stuff came up.

Well, we met tonight and he was not the man in his photos. He was 10 years older, bald and had a huge beard and overweight. Just…. Nothing at all like his photos.

I can’t get over it. We’ve talked everyday for a month. We’ve messaged and had phone calls. And he was the perfect fit personality wise but then this totally different awful person arrived.

I know now I should have insisted on a video call or something but I hate video calls and never do them so it isn’t something I would as for.

I just can’t get over it. I can’t sleep and feel sick and so upset.

Someone knock some sense into me.

You KNOW that’s not the point she’s trying to make, or the reason she’s so disappointed. He LIED to her.

You’re deliberately missing the first part of the sentence where she talks about his PERSONALITY…

I agree that man are MUCH nastier to women on dating sites. Their entitlement is something else, and women are seen and categorised ONLY for their looks and age.

@CountZacular

Well obviously I disagree.
Both are selling themselves as something they aren’t.
What’s the difference?

@Stravaig

Im with you.

I’m.

Isn't fantastic that the OP got up and left? Because women don't owe men shit. That makes some people on here really furious.

That makes some people on here really furious

Doesn't it just. There was great indignation on a recent thread as well when a young woman didn't want to date a bloke fourteen years older than her because he'd shaved a few years off his age initially.

Apparently our desire and attraction means nothing, we should just submit to any entitled old man who wants us. And if he's a liar to boot we're awfully unkind to notice or care.

@FrostyFifi so well put! I really do think we're seeing a cultural shift, where lots of women, particularly the younger ones, just say nope. No, my desires/choices/opinions are valid.

Thank god for that!

Are you seriously asking what’s the difference between pretending to be an entirely different person and wearing fake tan/nails?

Absolutely. No matter if they’ve lied, sent photos of their sons and totally deceived us to win our affections. We should just giggle flutter our eyelashes and shag them anyway because after all it’s only personality that counts apparently.

FFS we really haven’t moved on as a society have we?

The difference is that the same person will turn up on the date - probably wearing the slap.

I can’t believe you think it’s even a close comparison

@Naunet Don’t be ridiculous, we’re attracted to what we’re attracted to, we shouldn’t be guilted into dating men 10 years older that we have zero attraction to just because they feel entitled to lie about their age and appearance to get someone much younger.

👆This sums it up in a sentence.
Question for the apologists on here: what would you say to the bloke if he pitched up on here? Would you be all sympathetic to the fact that he lied big time? He lied FFS!

Yes, its quite depressing to read this thread. Awful how female sexuality is so minimized and yet male sexuality is lauded as so important. God forbid women should want to actually be attracted to the man theyre having sex with- what a shocker! Its especially weird in this thread too as its not even like he had a good personality if he lied about himself right from the start! How do we even know it was him writing/texting the OP anyway- it could have been someone else, or chatGP for all we know. If he lied about his photos, he could easily have been lying about other things.

Are you for real? Some women like a high maintenance look. They're not "selling themselves as something they aren't" FGS, the look is part of who they are and how they present to the world. Some men like women with a high maintenance look. It is not at all the same as pretending to be a different person!

Oh and as for all the "how would you feel if a man said similar?" ... funnily enough over the years I've had a few occasions to reject unwanted sexual advances. Without exception every one of those men have responded aggressively and angrily along the lines of "I'm only joking you ugly bitch/fat pig/slag/minger"

Way more unpleasant and I did fuck all to warrant it. So screw being kind if a member of the opposite sex deliberately lies and misleads.

Sadly, same here. Ive turned quite a few men down over the years (esp when I was younger) quite politely only to get back "must be a lesbian", "you're minging anyway", "Fck you, you stupid bitch" etc etc

But yes, women and their shallow ways are the problem. 🙄

Both are selling themselves as something they aren’t

This is a curious statement considering that many, many men DO go for women who are "high maintenance". Have you seen the amount of male instagram followers such "high maintenance" women have? If all men found makeup and appearance effort deeply unattractive then they wouldnt be approaching these women but they do- frequently.

If your statement was true- only very "natural" women would have partners but this isnt the case is it? Not all men like makeup of course, but if they truly found it fake and false and off-putting then they wouldnt be drooling over these women in such large numbers.

"Met a guy once who had a profile pic like Antonio Banderas.

Turned up and he was more like Danny Divito."

Sorry, but 😂😂😂

Sorry OP, I'm afraid I've no more advice to offer over what PPs on here have. What an utter arse; do these types think women are fucking stupid? "Yes, I know I actually look like Jabba the Hut rather than Brad Pitt, but if you'd only give me a chaaaance, you'd surely fall hopelessly in love with my dazzling wit and charm..." Yeah, right. 🙄

I'm just glad I'm well past all this. I wish you better luck with future dating, OP.

I agree, this is such an annoying incongruence. Men seem to give out a lot about women 'falsifying' our looks or being high maintenance, but when you see the women that men drool over online or in the media, they clearly aren't the unshaven, out of shape 'au naturel' women that men shame us for not being, they are absolutely tweaked and plucked and preened in a way that men find visually pleasing...

Exactly! If they really loved "natural" women, they'd be looking at them and following them. But they never do. Unless they think women naturally have sparkly eyelids, huge thick lashes that reach their eyebrows, and bright blonde hair with dark roots in which case they're clearly not very bright 😆

Isn't fantastic that the OP got up and left? Because women don't owe men shit. That makes some people on here really furious.

Absolutely. What really pisses me off is that men who catfish women are banking on them being too "polite" or "nice" to do what OP did.

This man deliberately deceived OP for a month, and arranged to meet up knowing full well that as soon as he sat down at that table his deception would be uncovered, instantly. So why bother? He was clearly hoping that because women are conditioned to "be kind", to be forgiving, and not make a fuss, she would feel obligated to go ahead with the date anyway and he could somehow win her round. Maybe he thought that OP would be so worried about coming across as "shallow" (as some have accused her of on here) that she wouldn't even acknowledge his deception, and they could just pretend it never happened! Because, and this is why I cannot get over women falling over themselves to defend this man, there will absolutely be women who do respond like that.

OP is clearly a strong woman who knows her own worth and isn't about to take any shit. But the next woman he does this to might not be. She might be so lonely, or vulnerable in some way, or lacking in confidence that she feels she has no choice but to stay and go ahead with the date. She might even feel sorry for him. But i'd be willing to bet she'll find out somewhere down the road that a man who tricks women into going on dates with him is untrustworthy in other aspects of his life as well.

It’s really weird how women aren’t supposed to care at all about looks, and expecting to be physically attracted to a partner is the height of entitlement.

It doesn’t matter if a man presents himself as a completely different person and turns up looking like trainspotter Malcolm (that description took me the fuck out, figuratively of course), how dare you complain if he’s nice to you, you fucking harpy? It is of course impossible to find a man you find attractive that also has a great personality, so you better settle for what’s on offer.

Absolutely. No matter the bloke is a compulsive liar who will go to extreme lengths to try and desperately find a woman of HIS choosing regardless of whether he’s her type or not. She’s lucky she got the attention of someone so keen to meet her - she’s should have stayed, got to know him and given him a chance. I mean the lying creep could turn out to be her soulmate and how dare she be do shallow as to judge him, after all she was wearing make up and nice clothes so they’re obviously as bad as each other so it’s a dead heat

Obviously not my thoughts but pretty much the message some on here are sending out.

So what was his explanation when he texted to explain? I can't see him styling this one out.