Leaving newborn alone for 5 mins at a time?

[Birminghambabe]

This might sound ridiculous but I’m a FTM and unsure if I am BU.

If my 4 week old is asleep in our bedroom but I need to do some washing up, have a quick shower etc I leave him for 5 mins at a time (always checking on him every 5 mins). Sometimes if I move him into his Moses downstairs he wakes up so I try and keep him asleep in his crib upstairs.

My friend who is also a mum to a newborn said she could never do that and would just move him even if it disturbs him into the same room as her.

Now as a FTM I’m now paranoid that I shouldn’t be leaving him - someone please tell me if I’m doing this wrong!

Put a baby monitor on and it’s fine. You have to poo !!!

Can you hear them if they cry? With an alarm or something else - in which case its fine.

@DustyLee123 Actually this would solve this dilemma - I don’t know why I didn’t think of this. I’ll purchase one

Get a baby monitor if you haven't got one.

I just used to make sure she had the monitor with her so I knew if she’d woken up and then check on her as and when. You’re more diligent than me, I didn’t check on her every 5 minutes.

Safe sleep guidelines say they shouldn't sleep in a room alone until six months. I think there's a difference between leaving for five minutes total to pop to the toilet, and leaving for half an hour or more but checking in every five minutes.

A sling might be useful for getting on with general household jobs.

Presumably she sleeps so isn't watching her baby constantly 24hrs a day?

What's likely to happen?? An eagle swoop in and carry the kid off?

Your breathing helps regulate theirs to protect against SIDs thats why they recommend baby is the same room for all sleep including naps, so a monitor is no substitute. In reality you have to live! I would be checking very frequently though

I didn't think twice about doing this.

I'm sure in the Emily Oster book Crib sheet (where she analyses the evidence base for all the parenting advice we're given) it says there isn't that much evidence for room sharing up to 6 months. I might be wrong as I'm quoting that from memory. But I really can't see a problem with being in different rooms for a few minutes!

You'll always find someone who wouldn't dream of doing something you think is completely normal. I think taking some slight risks is better for the child's mental health (and the parent's) than being exceptionally risk averse.

That’s Absolutely fine! It’s like that saying, when they nap you nap. Even though nobody ever really does because we all had washing up to do😂 but if you were napping, you wouldn’t be checking so much either. The baby monitor is a great idea as mentioned above! We got great use out of a bouncer for when I wanted a shower because of course the baby was awake when I would want one. We had a baby bjorn one that went very flat and both mine loved it, it gave me so much freedom to wash in those early months!!!

If they’re left safely and you can hear them, then yes I think popping away for a few minutes at a time is absolutely fine. I certainly do- to shower, use the toilet etc!

Of course it's fine. If the baby is asleep and secure then what's the worst that can happen?
After all, you leave them in a sense when you're asleep on a night.
You're still in the house, it's not like your gadding off partying.

This is my logic and why I don’t mind leaving him for 5 mins at a time but she was so shocked at me I thought I was doing something wrong

Although I have just ordered a baby monitor, I don’t know why I didn’t think of this myself - must have baby brain!

🤣 your friend is batshit

dont become her 🤐

Honestly
Use your common sense please

It's fine. I had older kids when my youngest was a baby, it would have been impossible for me to have the baby with me all the time due to the other kids needs. I used to carry a baby monitor with me and check every so often.

Yeah your friend sounds nuts. I can’t imagine waking a peacefully sleeping baby to drag them with me to the loo. I wouldn’t leave them upstairs sleeping to go deep the kitchen downstairs or anything like that but if they’re somewhere safe like the cot then 5 minutes whilst you take care of basic personal hygiene is absolutely fine! Good shout on the monitor too, it’s handy when you’re showering as you can’t hear cries over the water.

You're friend is being ridiculous. Honestly it's fine.

Of course it's fine, I'd say as long as you're around. As others have said you can't watch over 24/7 as you need to sleep. I had a bassinet in the lounge with wheels so I would do jobs but be in the general area. I'd advise against a sling unless abstract necessary as then your baby will find it harder to sleep on their own and you will be making a rod for your back. Don't stress out, you're doing great!

It's absolutely fine OP.

Your friend is daft. You still need to be able to hang out a washing/go and make a cuppa/go to the toilet without carting the baby everywhere!

With both of mine I always put them in the moses basket to nap and it just went with me everywhere

TBH it never would have entered my head that my baby had to be 'watched' all the time. I am guessing that your friend only has one child?

As soon as my baby was asleep - i would do other things (sort things out for her sibling/ tidy round/spend one-on-one time with her sibling/sort dinner/attempt a shower etc etc). I always had a baby monitor so could hear if she cried and needed me.

When i went to sleep i didn't wake up every five minutes to check she was ok in her crib so i wouldn't have done this whilst i was awake as babies need their sleep.

Oh I remember worrying about stuff like this when my dts were babies.
For short periods of time it's absolutely fine. Have a shower, wash up etc.
Congratulations BTW.

Technically the safe sleep advice is always to be in the room with them until 6 months.

In reality, I don't think I know anyone who does this.

Frequent checking + monitor is more realistic. If the baby is in a safe, clear cot (not, e.g., a car seat) then the risk is very minimal. I'd be more cautious if they were in a car seat or similar.