Leaving newborn alone for 5 mins at a time?

[Birminghambabe]

This might sound ridiculous but I’m a FTM and unsure if I am BU.

If my 4 week old is asleep in our bedroom but I need to do some washing up, have a quick shower etc I leave him for 5 mins at a time (always checking on him every 5 mins). Sometimes if I move him into his Moses downstairs he wakes up so I try and keep him asleep in his crib upstairs.

My friend who is also a mum to a newborn said she could never do that and would just move him even if it disturbs him into the same room as her.

Now as a FTM I’m now paranoid that I shouldn’t be leaving him - someone please tell me if I’m doing this wrong!

When mine were newborn they slept upstairs in the cot at night, but naps in the day were in a pram in the living room. I didn't have a baby monitor because both of mine could yell for England! You need to be able to do all of the usual things like showering, making a meal etc, if baby is safe, fed and not hollering they are fine. When you are more used to them, you will know what each different cry means. I knew if mine wanted to be fed or just picked up for cuddles for example. Leaving your baby for 5 minutes is fine.

lullaby trust is uk only, most other countries aren't concerned about it - plenty of Scandinavian countries put their babies outside in the pram in the winter all bundled up to nap for example.

When my 10yo was a baby she often had her morning nap in the garden... parked right outside the open kitchen door while I was in the kitchen getting on with things.

She would fall asleep when I was taking her sister to nursery and it seemed cruel to wake her to bring her inside.

She still loves sleeping outside!

your friend is batshit. What does she think happens when you have another child, you wake up the newborn every time your toddler moves?

Of course they can be left to shower, use the toilet etc. I used to pop mine in the front carrier for most housework though dd2 got abandoned at various points in the apartment regularly whilst I dealt with her dsis!

I think it's completely fine. I have a newborn too and leave them to nap in the bedroom or in the Moses basket in the living room. I'm in and out of the rooms so check on them now and then, also live in a flat so always hear them if they cry. I wouldn't get anything done if I was with them all the time!

Exactly this, I'd be more worried about your friend, she sounds quite anxious. Maybe gently tell her she needs to look after herself too

It’s fine

A baby monitor is a good move. I also had one of the sensors that connects to your phone and monitors temperature, breathing and position for extra reassurance.

You still need to wash, poop, eat and maybe fit in a bit of housework so if baby is asleep and you can see/hear and check on him its fine.
Slings are great if you're pottering around and/or have a velcro baby, but you can't shower wearing one and using the loo is awkward (although I did it many, many times and at 3 dc2 still wants to join me in there).

Enjoy having a baby that will sleep on their own and not need constant contact and enjoy your wee in peace! I'm hoping I get this with my second because I definitely didn't with velcro baby number 1!

The baby monitors are great, super sensitive. Mine would often go off no reason and I'd be running in a panic only to hear her snuffling away happy as larry. I felt the monitor gave me reassurance as a ftm. We didn't have her in the same room as us 24/7 but were on same floor always as in apartment so only 2 seconds away at all times.

It’s because these guidelines are drilled into you constantly by midwives and health visitors, and you feel very overwhelmed and like an awful mother if you don’t follow them to the letter.

Exactly! I find it hilarious that today's wonder-mums even need to get uptight about it, the child's not going to run away!

yes, indeed - you can't sit up with them all night?

What is the science behind not leaving your baby in another room to sleep?

@Maebh9 that made me laugh 🤣
Of course it's fine to leave to leave them to do the washing up! I do wonder how people get by in life do they just stare at their kid 24/7

It’s because these guidelines are drilled into you constantly by midwives and health visitors, and you feel very overwhelmed and like an awful mother if you don’t follow them to the letter.

then mothers need to start asking what the science is behind this and where are the results and conclusions?

If Im in the kitchen and the baby in the lounge 10 ft away, what is the difference between that and someone with a large kitchen dinner and the baby is at one end of the kitchen dinner and im at the kitchen sink 12 ft away?

Some of the replies on here are honestly hysterical.

Yes, it's absolutely fine to leave your baby alone for small periods of time when they're newborn and it's also shock horror not necessary to carry your child into the bathroom with you so you can take a dump / a shower if they're already sleeping. People need to get a grip on reality.

Find some nicer friends...

This too

Sorry. This made me laugh 😂

You absolutely have to be able to pop out of the room if you need to. If you can hear them cry, I wouldn't worry. If a baby monitor makes you feel better, absolutely get one. I got a video one myself as I felt exactly like you and it worked out great down the line when they are up and about or moving into their own room.

What do some people imagine people with more than one child do? Just ignore the toddler who's got their fingers in a plug to watch a new born sleep?

As a poster upthread said, apply some common sense.

*Technically the safe sleep advice is always to be in the room with them until 6 months.

In reality, I don't think I know anyone who does this.*

I did. I don't have a velcro baby, either. I wasn't always holding him - I just didn't put him to sleep in his cot until he was six months, he went in his pushchair or his bassinet, which was in the room I was in, because we were told he couldn't be by himself until he was six months old... So upstairs he had a Snuzpod in our room, and downstairs we had a bassinet thingy in the lounge and a pushchair if we were elsewhere.

It's probably generational and heavily linked to the advice when you had your first baby, but I don't know anyone who left their baby. Most of the people I knew thought I moved mine to sleep by himself too early; and he was 9 months or so before he slept in his room.

For extra reassurance, you could get an Owlet sock (expensive but worth every penny for me)
It’s a little strap that goes on their foot and monitors O2 levels and heart rate etc and sounds an alarm if any issues. Not saying you could then leave baby for ages but if you’re checking every 5 mins as well then it’s that extra bit of reassurance.

@mumofboys8787 when I read this stuff I feel so sad for these people. They're spending all their time in abject fear because they're trying to do the "right thing", and in the process surely missing out on learning how to deal with the real vulnerability that being a parent introduces. I went about my day when the first baby was asleep, or slept. But even then the old adage "you're only as happy as your unhappiest child" was starting to become very clearly true ...

It does make you wonder how some new mums on here do poo!