Leaving newborn alone for 5 mins at a time?

[Birminghambabe]

This might sound ridiculous but I’m a FTM and unsure if I am BU.

If my 4 week old is asleep in our bedroom but I need to do some washing up, have a quick shower etc I leave him for 5 mins at a time (always checking on him every 5 mins). Sometimes if I move him into his Moses downstairs he wakes up so I try and keep him asleep in his crib upstairs.

My friend who is also a mum to a newborn said she could never do that and would just move him even if it disturbs him into the same room as her.

Now as a FTM I’m now paranoid that I shouldn’t be leaving him - someone please tell me if I’m doing this wrong!

We used to have a Moses basket in the living room so when the baby woke up for the first wake window of the normal day I would then put them back down for the next nap in the Moses basket and get shit done.

Wouldn't of moved the sleeping newborn though only if awake so don’t blame you for not wanting to do that!

So yes get that shower, when people say they don’t have time to shower on here. THERE IS ALWAYS TIME TO SHOWER!!

I probably wouldn’t go downstairs for a long time though just the 5 mins even with a baby monitor but it’s hard in the early days cause all you wanna do is keep this tiny fragile thing perfect and alive! 🤣

Yes it's fine. I know you're technically supposed to be in the same room as them all the time but why would you lug the moses basket into the next room to go to the toilet, etc. You're more likely to drop it through sleep deprivation! When my second was born, he would often be left for longer than that while I dealt with the toddler. Then showering goes out of the window all together 😉

Mum of 3 here! Out of baby phase now but I always left mine asleep while I got on with things. Id pop in and check on them if I was doing other things. I never had a baby monitor for my 2nd and 3rd babies either because I can hear my kids crying from a mile away. Unless you have a massive house, you'll know if they need you. I can pick out if its one of mine crying in a heaving soft play!

Oh FFS. That's a spectacularly unhelpful and unnecessary comment. I'd love to know how any mother has time to be glued to her newborn for 24 hours a day. The idea that going for a quick shower or to the loo means you're happy to take chances with your baby's life is ridiculous.

I always tried to be on the same floor as a newborn though, if they fell asleep upstairs, I'd get on with jobs up there etc. Id pop up and down the stairs though if stuff needed putting away or whatever. So much pressure on Mums these days to be surgically attached to their kids. It's not good for their mental health.

I’d be worried about vomiting while asleep or SIDS so wouldn’t do it myself, but I developed postnatal OCD and was a wreck with fear DS would die if I didn’t watch him every second of the day. If you’re comfortable leaving for 5 mins at a time then do so but could you at least pick up a video baby monitor so you can keep an eye while you’re busy? (Absolutely nothing wrong with you being busy btw, everyone needs showers/food/cleaning done which is near impossible if baby is awake all the time!)

And just to clarify, you’re not risking SIDS etc by leaving your babies side for 5 minutes. It’s posts like PPs that had me too scared to leave DS for 5 minutes and heightened my OCD. Don’t be like me, I’ve still not recovered.

Absolutely fine. I tried getting mine used to sleeping in his basket/cot from the start so I could eat, wee etc in peace.

Blinking Nora how do you survive parenthood with that sort of thinking!!! This is the most over the top ,alarmist comment I’ve read on here for a long time.

Is your friend one of the mums that say she never drinks a hot cup of tea, hasn't showered for days or brushed her hair?

Honestly I've never heard such nonsense, leaving your baby for 5-10 mins while you take care of something like your basic hygiene isn't exactly child neglect so long as baby is sleeping in a safe place, you can hear them if they cry and you're not away for an unreasonable length of time I think you're just fine.

When did the guidelines change to state someone has to be with a baby under 6 months of age 24hrs a day?

My youngest is 14 so I guess it's in the last 12 years or so?

I'm glad I didn't have that pressure tbh.
After struggling with what seemed like hours with a fractious infant, those snatches of flopping on the sofa or just pegging the washing out all by myself were blissful.

I never had a baby monitor.

Yes I’m glad they’ve now deleted that spectacularly unhelpful comment ,OP you are honestly fine to go and do other stuff for a few mins, baby monitors are helpful and I’ve had phases of taking a baby bouncer into every room with me when the babies were wide awake but honestly I’d relax, before too long you won’t be able to do anything in peace (including having a poo) because you’ll have a boddler attached to your leg everywhere u go.

I seriously worry about the mental and physical well-being of mothers at times.

Happy mothers are essential for happy babies.

Don’t forget that. Have a shower, make some tea, take a moment to stand in the garden and enjoy the sun. Your baby will be fine.

A sleeping baby can be left for 5 minutes. Probably even <gasp> 10 !!

Seriously - imagine you've got other kids. Baby asleep and the 5 year old has fallen over and needs you ... 3 year old has put their hands in the potty ...

Its fine. Make sure baby is in a safe flat sleeping space (see lullaby trust guidance), and use a monitor, & check on them frequently. Make sure any pets (dogs, cats etc) can't get near them - some animals love babies and will want to jump in cot and curl up near them etc which might look cute but is v dangerous.

Of course it’s fine! How are you meant to function otherwise. Unless you live in a mansion you’ll always be close by

Never wake a sleeping baby. It’s fine, I found it more difficult getting a moment to leave them, worrying about leaving them was not a concern.

the protective factor of being in the same room for SIDS protection is based on really poor quality evidence - most other developed countries do not recommend it as standard. I am certain it contributes to poor maternal mental health,

As others have said if baby is safe clean and happily sleeping get on with what ever you need to. That is what I did. Mine are 2.5 and 1 and I never used a baby monitor our house is small enough to not need one.

This with knobs on.
Who watches over her baby when she is asleep for hours at a time.

Baby monitors are a godsend! I actually used our cheap video monitor til my youngest was about 5!

Christ make the most of the good naps, go to the loo, have a shower, eat, do your chores while you can.
I’ve never checked on mine every 5 minutes, the new guidelines are ridiculous!

I think your friend seems hyper vigilant, checking every 5 mins is no different to being in the same room unless she is actually staring at her baby all day long. You could be washing up and glance round every 5 mins. There has to be some common sense with babies and it sounds like you have a very sensible system. You know your baby.

I would shock her because I put my son in his own room at 3 months so he would sleep over night because I couldn't handle all the snuffling and noise he made ....he has made it to 13 and is now taller than me.

Exactly what monitors are for.

Are the safe sleep guidelines (baby not alone if under 6mo) International or just uk guidelines? I've never come across it outside UK but then again my baby experience is limited to only 2 countries.