Leaving newborn alone for 5 mins at a time?

[Birminghambabe]

This might sound ridiculous but I’m a FTM and unsure if I am BU.

If my 4 week old is asleep in our bedroom but I need to do some washing up, have a quick shower etc I leave him for 5 mins at a time (always checking on him every 5 mins). Sometimes if I move him into his Moses downstairs he wakes up so I try and keep him asleep in his crib upstairs.

My friend who is also a mum to a newborn said she could never do that and would just move him even if it disturbs him into the same room as her.

Now as a FTM I’m now paranoid that I shouldn’t be leaving him - someone please tell me if I’m doing this wrong!

OP I was absolutely batshit like your friend when my 17 month old was born. Honestly it’s absolutely fine, as long as you are checking on them there is nothing wrong with it. I’ll definitely be doing that with the next one, I look back and laugh at myself with the things I would do lol. You’re doing great x

No one knows. It isn't even proven, it's just a theory.

The best things to do to prevent SIDS are putting babies to sleep on their backs and in an empty cot on a firm mattress.

@ToeJammed

SIDS -sudden infant death syndrome

jesus, I cannot believe in 2023, this STILL needs explaining to people.

@Birminghambabe they need your breathing, movement etc to stop them going into a deep phase where they 'forget' to breathe. It's much safer to keep them with you as much as possible. The Moses basket is perfect and just take them along with you. If you need to do something where taking them isn't advisable (maybe going into the loft/basement) then pop back to them frequently, better still do it when someone else is home.

you'll be getting lots of posts saying they put the baby in their own room for naps/overnight from day 1 & they're fine. Of course most are, but is that any consolation if your baby dies Of SIDS??

Disturbing them IS the point, so don't worry about that. If they settle well in their cot you can settle them with the Moses basket in the cot.

I'm a different generation. We put our babies to sleep in their room with curtains shut for day time naps and just listened for them waking/crying before going in. There is lots of different advice through the generations but the consistent factor really is to put the baby to sleep on its back. With second children and general life, having a baby with you 100% of the time just isn't practical. Try and relax and enjoy this time which goes past very quickly indeed.

@AnnWithoutAnnie

There are risks everywhere if we want to live. Actually live. Not just be alive. Every time you step foot outside your house, in a car, on a plane. Christ, even in your house, fire next door, plane crash lands on your house. Etc etc. risks everywhere.

It is incredibly damaging to new mothers mental health to tell them to be in the same room 24-7. It's just stupidity.

Yes, tragedies occur, but it would be a far worse tragedy if we don't apply some common sense and balance.

@AnnWithoutAnnie you are spreading total misinformation and paranoia none of that has been proven, and it is poorly understood limited data.

Clear cot back to sleep is the only thing that reduces SIDS risk, everything else is speculative.

Get the monitor with a camera (but not Wi-Fi’s!)

What on earth? Are there really parents out there sitting in rooms for hours during the day while their baby sleeps?

Ours slept in a bassinet in the lounge. I would shower, potter about, prep meals etc. Then when baby was awake I could actually concentrate on him!

Wow, my DC are early 20's but has advice really changed so much that you're not supposed to leave them for 5 minutes?! How are you supposed to get anything done?

Wear them or move the moses basket around with you. Tbf you shouldn’t expect to do too much with a newborn!

You move the bassinet with you. Also mine never slept for hours 😂 never had this problem

I'm trying to imagine what kind of life a parent would have to have to be able to do this...

1. 1 child only
2. No job
3. One roomed house only with toilet/shower/bed/kitchen
4. Tumble dryer
5. The child would have to be one of those that can sleep through noise and light

TBH I'm jealous that your baby will sleep without you. Mine was like velcro and putting her down in moses basket was like undertaken with the skill, precision and batted breath of a bomb disposal expert.
Your baby will be fine, even if they wake while you are on the toilet, in the shower and cry for a couple of minutes. They are in safe place.
Everybody will offer advice when you are a new mum, pick what suits you/you feel is right. Smile, nod and ignore the rest.

can you link to the scientific evidence of this breathing pattern etc

a very unhappy one I imagine :(

Maternal mental health was totally ignored when they wrote these guidelines.

I did keep all of mine more or less in the same room as me for sleeps for the first 4-6 months eg they slept in a moses basket or pram downstairs in the days rather than putting them 'to bed' in a quiet upstairs bedroom.
But I still went to the toilet or showered, went from room to room or kept the baby in the pram in the hallway while the rest of the family were between the living room and kitchen.

Generally it's a good idea to keep small babies close to hand and sleeping in bright noisy rooms in the day rather than shut away in a dark room. But you also can't literally sit next to them and do nothing during their naps.

Oh my GOODNESS…. I never did this!!!

…. with baby number one.

By baby number three, I would leave the room for exactly as long as I needed to, to have a poo / shower / answer door / put kettle on etc. You’re fine. Just don’t leave them for long spells. SIDS experts think that our breathing helps to regulate theirs.

You're doing a fantastic job. So is your friend. So is anyone else that is reading this and wondering if they’ve done enough today. 💁🏻‍♀️

It never occurred to me to have the baby next to me 24/7.
Cant imagine how I’d have a shower with the door open and my twins in baskets next to it.
Think your friend is being over protective.
Get a monitor if you’re worried but don’t beat yourself up about it.

SIDs is incredibly rare in full term babies of non-smoking parents.

It’s so unhelpful all the ‘would you ever forgive yourself’ stuff. Life is a risk, the breathing regulating thing is a theory no more or less.

Evidence says put them on their backs.

OP is your friend okay? I’d be worried about her having PND.

How does it though? Where is the proof of this? What if my breathing patterns are constantly changing? What for example would happen if I was on a treadmill or an exercise bike increasing and reducing my breathing.? Does this have an effect?

Tbf you shouldn’t expect to do too much with a newborn! yes try to explain that to a toddler and pre-schooler..

@ZoeQ90

Is your little one here yet?

For evening sleep we found that baby generally wanted to feed until 10/11pm anyway for the first few months anyway so we’d do that downstairs with us.

Once they’d finished the cluster feeding stage they’d still feed to sleep and then stay on us for a cuddle downstairs with the lights dimmed, it was actually a really nice time.

As they got older, closer to 6 months and more aware we’d put them down in the cot and maybe watch something in bed or just go sleep, we were tired 😂

I don’t think our little one ever really went to bed at 7pm at that age though, that came later when napped less in the day it started nursery.

Regarding dummies if you want to use one that’s fine but I always understood the SIDS research was that the risk of not having a dummy was only higher if the baby had previously had a dummy and didn’t anymore. A breastfed baby without a dummy will naturally wake quite frequently in the night. It’s them sleeping too deeply which becomes dangerous.

I would not do this babies regulate their breathing to yours it's not a matter of just hearing them cry. If you need the toilet carry them up leave a bouncer on the landing at all times and place inside the open doorway.
I have 9 children and have never left them alone just not worth the risk.

Have there ever been any cases documented of SIDS where a child was left (safely) on their own for 5 minutes?

surely people can still apply a level of common sense?

Yeah. And I’ve got one now.

In my opinion, it’s more unrealistic for a baby to have silence to sleep in: and mine have never had trouble sleeping through toddlers playing/music/hoovers…

Horses for courses, I guess! I found following the advice a whole lot less anxiety inducing than risking SIDS etc, which I was constantly warned about by midwives etc