Leaving newborn alone for 5 mins at a time?

[Birminghambabe]

This might sound ridiculous but I’m a FTM and unsure if I am BU.

If my 4 week old is asleep in our bedroom but I need to do some washing up, have a quick shower etc I leave him for 5 mins at a time (always checking on him every 5 mins). Sometimes if I move him into his Moses downstairs he wakes up so I try and keep him asleep in his crib upstairs.

My friend who is also a mum to a newborn said she could never do that and would just move him even if it disturbs him into the same room as her.

Now as a FTM I’m now paranoid that I shouldn’t be leaving him - someone please tell me if I’m doing this wrong!

your doing what I would consider the right thing? Let your baby sleep where they’re happy and take that as a win! I wouldn’t disturb either I’d find that really frustrating if my baby was asleep then I woke them moving them. My ds 2 had his day sleeps upstairs in NTM from early on I just had the monitor on.

@ZoeQ90 for the evening sleep (if not just cluster feeding…) we put DS in the Moses basket in the living room with us. He’d then come up to bed with us at 10/11. When he got to about 3 or 4 months we started putting him in the cot upstairs for the evening, with the monitor and checking regularly. I admit I also used a breathing monitor clipped onto his nappy for about the first 6 months.

I'm also from the country where it's normal to put the kids outside (garden/balcony) to sleep. Nobody sits next to the pram while they nap. If it was so dangerous, there would be significantly higher SIDS rates in Scandi countries, but that's not the case.

Of course you can it's so sad that you even need to ask. You leave them to go to the toilet, to have a shower, to wash up, to cook, anything : it's all totally fine.

Your friend is a twat. Note their comment down and when your kids are 18 remind her of it. She'll cringe.

Re the SIDS concern, hasn't the (horrendous, msrip) tortoise story reminded us that you can be in the same room and not notice a problem anyway?

It all just seems like needless blame and stress for mums to me.

Staying in the same room 24 hours isn't remotely realistic for the majority of parents, so we really need as a society to stop making new mothers anxious by peddling constantly that they're doing their child a disservice not to be.

I have honestly never heard anyone say anything like this IRL. It’s a phenomenon for MN only. Some on MN like making women feel inadequate when they have babies.

Please do not put the baby on top of something raised up either while inside a car seat or something else or just as itself

So not on settee or bed or table as the baby grows it will learn to move and "might" fall off so please put the baby or the chair on the floor then baby will always be safe from falling off

Had to smile. Mine slept in her cot in our bedroom, just fine. Would check every half hour during the day. We live in 70 square metres, not Buckingham Palace. Ahhh, memories.

You have to wash and eat and poop! Get a breathing monitor and a baby monitor to alleviate your worries.

Obviously that’s fine. Go off your instinct. So many people I know seem to Google every flippin thing, and follow advice to the absolute letter. Have confidence and follow your instinct. It served me well through many dc! I personally would leave the newborn and very frequently check. I couldn’t leave them upstairs for more than 10/15 mins without checking on them at the newborn stage. This obviously got longer as they get older.

It’s a wonder that babies born years ago survived …
OP, make sure baby is in a safe sleeping space eg a proper cot or crib with safe bedding, then put the monitor on and get on with your day. If ill, then I’d monitor more closely.

Your friend is loopy and will probably have a nervous breakdown at some point. Ignore her.

@AnnWithoutAnnie You sound extremely anxious which is far worse for an impressionable young child than any of your notions about increased SIDS risks unless you hover over them 24/7, which is unrealistic.

You need to accept that no matter how much you try, you simply cannot control everything around you and to let go a bit.

I left my newborn for about that but admittedly I was constantly checking 🙈With time it'll get easier for you.

Get them used to being alone, I always had DS in his own bassinet in my room at night but a little bit away from me and increased the distance slowly. He sleeps well on his own now at 6mo.

Our grandparents and probably parents would put the baby in the pram outside for ages alone!

Obviously, times and opinions have changed since then but I do think maybe your friend has swung the pendulum a bit too far in the other direction

All this carrying about of moses baskets is definetly not safe ! It's totally fine to leave them alone for a bit.

@HairsprayBabe

that wasn't needlessly rude. The poster was belittling the OP asking if the OP thought an eagle would swoop in.

I have done plenty of reading re SIDS thanks, and I consider leaving a newborn sleeping alone a risk I am not prepared to take. They're not exactly difficult to take with you, or the other parent, grandparents, etc. It doesn't have to be the mother, though some research suggests that, there's a small amount of benefit to it being the mother.

if it's a risk that doesn't worry others, then that's their call.

I wish I'd been told it was ok

@SouthLondonMum22

How the baby is put in the cot wasn't the question though. It was if what the OP was doing leaving the baby alone to sleep & popping in & out was ok or is her friend correct & why. The replies would have been different if she'd asked what the biggest risk re SIDS is.

It’s not about watching him it’s about risk of SIDS. Are you leaving for 5 mins to do something and then going back into the room with him or are you leaving and checking every 5 mins.

The first is fine, the second is riskier because they ought to have someone in the room with them although you don’t need to be actually sitting and watching them.

If you are going to get a baby monitor and leave him to sleep upstairs, then you’ll need one with a breathing alarm. But they can be a PITA if they go off unnecessarily.

What could happen if she did leave her baby for 30 minutes with a baby monitor in the room?
I assume most of us on here have had babies and have done the opposite of what the guidelines suggest and they were fine. There is too much pressure on parents to be glued to their babies and that sets them up for bad habits. My second DD had no nighttime feeds from day 1 don't know how I managed that but she was eating well enough in the day.

@AnnWithoutAnnie you were rude.

The other poster was light-heartedly reassuring the OP that she need not worry about this, there was no belittling.

You quite clearly do not understand how to interpret data if these are your conclusions from all your "research".

Can you post links to all your research, or explain how it works rather than just trotting out it regulates their breathing? How does it do this, what other factors might interfer with this regulation?

@sweeneytoddsrazor yes I would like to see that too.