Leaving newborn alone for 5 mins at a time?

[Birminghambabe]

This might sound ridiculous but I’m a FTM and unsure if I am BU.

If my 4 week old is asleep in our bedroom but I need to do some washing up, have a quick shower etc I leave him for 5 mins at a time (always checking on him every 5 mins). Sometimes if I move him into his Moses downstairs he wakes up so I try and keep him asleep in his crib upstairs.

My friend who is also a mum to a newborn said she could never do that and would just move him even if it disturbs him into the same room as her.

Now as a FTM I’m now paranoid that I shouldn’t be leaving him - someone please tell me if I’m doing this wrong!

Use a baby monitor if it’s just for 5 minutes but for more lengthy household chores wear in the sling / put in a bouncer in the same room as you.

Of course it's fine.

Where I live, we are encouraged to put babies in the garden or on balcony to sleep.

And anyone checking every five minutes would be advised to seek help for anxiety.

Although there seems to be some seemingly wilful confusion between "watching the baby sleep" and "being in the same room as the baby".

You're supposed to be in the same room as the baby, rather than pop in to see it every 5 minutes, according to the safe sleep/NHS/Lullaby Trust guidance.

Which means you can protect from eagles/look after toddlers/feral wolves/packs of turtles/work/go to the toilet/answer the door/whatever... You've just got to be in the room for the majority of the time.

You're doing absolutely fine OP!

It's about SIDS I think.

What’s going to happen in 5 mins?! Even if baby woke and cried for 5 mins they wouldn’t automatically be traumatised for life. As for Sid’s no one can watch a child 24/7, just follow safe sleep guidelines. All of mine were in their own room
in a cot by 3/4 months with a baby monitor. I think what you’re doing is fine, stay away longer, baby is sleeping time for you to do stuff!

This! I wouldn’t leave a baby under 6 months for more than a couple of mins

I did. She is 33 now.
Didn't with the rest, was too busy dealing with older ones.

OP sounds like your friend might have some PP anxiety. It’s absolutely fine to leave them for 5 mins! Congratulations!

Mine was in his own room at 3 months too.

I thought whole point of baby naps was to get stuff done. Mine slept in their cots with baby monitor while I did other stuff or in pram. If your concerned get one of the sleep alarms that monitors their breathing.

It's just another one up manship of parenting. Some people won't leave baby for 5 mins others happily nap them in a different room. Different strokes etc

@YouveGotAFastCar

Have you ever had a toddler? I can't for one second imagine having a toddler play in the same room as a sleeping baby hour after hour. And when would anyone get the housework done?

Get a video monitor and get on with your life.

Staying in the same room 24 hours isn't remotely realistic for the majority of parents, so we really need as a society to stop making new mothers anxious by peddling constantly that they're doing their child a disservice not to be.

If you're walking with them in the pram outside they're not going to be able to hear your breathing either but no one gets in a massive panic about that...
Follow the safe sleep guidance and don't leave them alone for long periods, pottering around the house and going to the loo or have a shower and popping back to check on them is fine.
Mine would only nap on me, she's still a contact napper 4 years later and our house is still a bombsite 😂

i useless to love the newborn days where he slept for hours at a time, pop him in his pram and I could go about my day as I pleased. House had never been so clean and I got out for walks etc. the baby fit in with us, no way was I sitting with him for hours whilst he slept!

gradually as he’s got older (he’s nearly two now) the sleeps have shortened and I miss being able to leave him whilst I get things done 😂

your friend would be horrified at me

it isn't good evidence that informs that advice though.

Being in the same room as a baby who is sleeping may have a mild protective factor, that isn't fully understood or proven. It is such questionable evidence that the majority of other developed countries do not insist on it.

Using a dummy has a mild SIDS protective factor too. We don't admonish mothers who choose not to give a dummy on the basis of potential SIDS risk reduction, I think this room-sharing should come under the same umbrella as dummies. Use them if it works for you, but if it doesn't then don't stress about it.

Clear cot and on their back are the only things that have a strong proven link at actively reducing SIDS risk.

We have to stop beating women over the head for tending to their own basic needs when they have a baby. Then being shocked when so many women end up with mental health problems.

As some others have mentioned, a baby sling is a good way to keep them close and get on with stuff.

I would say most mother's need to leave the room at some point (showering, weeing, pooping, cooking, washing up, hanging the washing out, vacuuming, making a cuppa etc.)

50 years ago your baby would be in the pram on the doorstep while you got in with the housework. They still do this in a lot of Scandinavian countries. Don't beat yourself up over 5 minutes!

This.

I was told by my HV when it became too much to go outside in the garden for 5 minutes.

It's really fine. Don't worry. Absolutely apply common sense, and remember guidelines are BEST practice, not something you rigidly need to adhere to 100% of the time otherwise something terrible will happen.

Tbh OP I’m just impressed that your baby will happily nap in the Moses basket 😂 make the most of it!

So long as they’re on their back on a clear firm surface, not one of those nest things I’d flit around doing jobs as needed. Not that mine ever really slept not on me, I had to do most things with them asleep in the sling.

E@Maebh9 have you not heard of cot death? SIDS -Sudden Infant Death Syndrome?

try reading up on it instead of being a smart arse.

We didn’t have monitors in my day and the babies went straight into their own rooms. I think in modern houses with both doors open it was fine. A baby is safe in their crib, if you need a shower etc; it’s ridiculous to think that’s not ok.

The evidence that links being in the same room as a sleeping infant with reducing cot death risk is poor quality and not particularly well understood. So much so that most other developed countries do not include it in their safe sleep guidelines.

Maybe you should try reading up on it instead of being needlessly rude.

Shit, I thought I was hot on the SIDS guidelines but I didn't realise the recommendation was to always be in the room with them while they slept. How is that practical? So if they sleep 7pm-10/11pm and you're wanting to get them to sleeping in the dark/ bedroom/cot then what, you're supposed to just... Be in a dark room silently?
There's close cot deaths in my family and I really do want to take all possible precautions, even considering using a dummy which I never have before, but this has genuinely blown my mind.
Wearing in a sling surely isn't the solution because what about evening naps etc?

One of the biggest protective factors of SIDS is putting baby to sleep on their backs. Some of the other advice have mild protective factors at best but aren't fully understood or proven.

Common sense needs to be encouraged here, as well as proven big risk factors.

How does being in the same room as them regulate their breathing?

Mine slept in the moses basket downstairs during the day but I wasn't always in the same room, and shock horror on some occasions when they were particularly clingy and crying every single time I tried to put them down for hours on end, I would leave them crying for a few minutes whilst I walked away and had a cuppa or just a breather for a bit.