Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Work Event vs School Disco

165 replies

PineapplePrincess · 24/05/2023 21:44

Sanity check please…

I have an overnighter for work. Select management community, first time I’ve qualified to attend despite a long history working for the company. Evening dinner (finishes by 10pm) followed by all day workshops. Starts the next day at 8:30am. Even if I didn’t do the overnighter there is no way I would get to the venue for an 8am start with childcare, traffic, etc.

I’ve chosen to stay over. Something DH was not exactly pleased about at the time, but he’s entirely capable of looking after our two DS. (Last work overnighter was 2-3years ago, for context.)

Overnighter coincides with oldest DS(9) disco. Something I wasn’t aware of at the point I agreed to go. DH is now refusing to take DS to disco, which DS is distraught about.

It would be awkward with school finishing (DS walks home at 3pm) nursery pick-up (latest 6pm), dinner, disco drop off (7pm), disco pick up (8pm) and bed downs. But it’s not impossible. I’ve suggest options to make things work - e.g. order pizza for dinner, skip the evening baths, let the boys stay up a bit later, ask neighbour (who’s son is also attending) to pick DS up at end of disco. The school and nursery are literally next door to our house, so it’s not a huge trek just cumbersome.

But he’s refusing to consider any options which could make the disco work. And it’s my fault DS can’t go.

I’m feeling so guilty and kinda wish I could cancel, but now worry it’s too late as company would be charged hotels costs and my last minute withdrawal would likely be ‘noted’.

DH is making it sound like off for a fun night on the town with my friends, abandoning him and kids - when actually I’m dreading the whole thing. I’m not familiar/ friendly with most people who are attending - I feel a bit obliged to go but also recognise (through recent work coaching) I need to push out of my introverted ways and expand my network. I’m hoping doing so will help me make my day job easier, which is not easy currently and quite demanding.

I just feel horrid, but I’m pushing ahead and going despite really wishing I wasn’t.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MrsRickAstley · 24/05/2023 21:46

He's a massive KNOB !!! That's my two pennies.

Do not back down. He won't not take DC.

MrsRickAstley · 24/05/2023 21:48

And even if it was a fun night ?! So bloody what. Is that not allowed ???

Digestive28 · 24/05/2023 21:48

Asking a favour is such an easy solution. Not doing this is just spiteful and using kids as currency in his argument with you.

BathshebaKnickerStickers · 24/05/2023 21:49

i’ve done a trillion school discos. Speak to a friend’s Mum who is going through the same horrrible experience of the school disco and see if you can arrange something that leaves DH and his inability to do admin out of this. I always had 2 or 3 extra wombles on disco night

Lcb123 · 24/05/2023 21:49

He’s being ridiculous, and frankly, I couldn’t tolerate that attitude towards my career / job. Go on the trip, and insist he take them to the disco.

StonwEd · 24/05/2023 21:49

No no no!!
having just returned from my first ever work conference, you have to go! that opportunity to network us invaluable, I never really knew until I did it! Nice hotel is a bonus too 🙃
he absolutely has to sort it, neighbour doing pick up and drop back is obvious solution but at 9 and school next door I’d be tempted to tell ds he can walk home after 🫣 but mine are much older now so I don’t know how realistic that is.
Do not back down!!!

Oysterbabe · 24/05/2023 21:49

He is a cunt and I would be trying to find a way to make sure DS can go. Can't he have a play date with someone else who is going and they could take him and collect him? There must be a mum friend you can recruit to help.
Your DH is a cunt. Just to make that clear.

Chickychoccyegg · 24/05/2023 21:51

Your dh is being a complete dick .
Even if it wasn't a works event, you have plans, so he has to parent, there are plenty options to make everything work, as you have listed.
I'd just tell dh to get a grip and that he needs to take ds to his school disco.

SavvyWavvy · 24/05/2023 21:51

Your husband is a selfish, incompetent, mean twat.

TokyoSushi · 24/05/2023 21:51

Wow, your DH is being absolutely awful, like really horrible. Poor DS

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 24/05/2023 21:53

What a twat!

I used to love picking mine up from school discos. Your Dh sounds like a real delight. How mean can he be?!

cocksstrideintheevening · 24/05/2023 21:53

Well he's a prime twat isn't he?

cocksstrideintheevening · 24/05/2023 21:53

Well he's a prime twat isn't he?

RandomMess · 24/05/2023 21:55

You have a DH problem.

Weller123 · 24/05/2023 21:57

Except it isn’t your fault that he can’t go to the school disco, it’s your DH’s fault. Really unreasonable of him to take out his own petty dislike of you working on his own son!!
Stick to your guns. You can’t feel guilty for somebody else’s inadequacies.

bibbityboppityboo · 24/05/2023 21:57

It sounds like you're being punished for going to the work event - he can't stop you so he's trying to get to you through DS.

Definitely see if a neighbour can take him? Grandparent at all?

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 24/05/2023 21:57

PPs have covered what we all think of your DH so I'll leave that bit out.

Speak to a school mum and ask if they could please have him after school for tea and getting ready and then walk him home. In return you'll have hers one day when she wants you to. Your DS can take his change of clothes in his backpack and have fun with his friend while your DH is pouting.

CalendulaCate · 24/05/2023 21:57

What a tosser your husband is, a man-child, a useless man. I'm sure he enjoys the financial contribution you make to family life? Who raises such useless self centred twats? Loser.

Of course you can't cancel your work event, whatever for? Arrange with your neighbour to take your ds to the disco and bring him back.

Not helpful, but what was your husband like before you had children with him? 🤐

DisforDarkChocolate · 24/05/2023 21:58

He's being a complete knob.

I'd organise another parent to help make it possible if I could. Your poor son, about to realise his Dad's more bothered about controlling you than his happiness.

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 24/05/2023 21:59

So he would begrudge his DD doing something that she really wants to do because like he is going to have a slightly awkward evening? This can't be a one off surely?

If he won't change his mind (that's a whole other problem) then please find a pick up / drop off from a friend solution. You should have to but at least till she still gets to go. And it might put his nose out of joint to show him that you can still find solutions and go on your work trip even though he's being an absolute bell end.

And on a final note. It's most definitely NOT your fault she can't go - she had her other parent at home who could easily facilitate this but is choosing not to. It's absolutely his fault.

NotReallyBotheredByThis · 24/05/2023 21:59

Go.

Maybe with a "well, one of us has to progress in our career" type remark if appropriate.

Explain to DS that "Daddy can't multitask but will do his best".

Then go & have a great & productive time!

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 24/05/2023 22:00

Sorry saw it was DS but DD! But anyway!

ferntwist · 24/05/2023 22:00

Seconding what all previous posters have said. You must go to the work overnighter and your DH is being very unfair. Good plan to get another school family to take DS and then reciprocate sometime. It really shouldn’t all be on you though and after this is sorted you and DH need to talk to stop him doing this in future. Good luck

Cosycover · 24/05/2023 22:01

I'd ask my neighbour and then get a fuckin divorce.

Elfie1976 · 24/05/2023 22:03

He's a prize plonker ! Make sure you definitely go!