To withdraw my child from school sports day

[MissHoollie]

So my son age 7 has been upset for a few weeks about sports day and " always coming last"
None of us in the family are sporty and my other children " were always last " but they didn't mind at all and it almost became a family joke with them enjoying the fact it was a family tradition to be rubbish at sport
So my 7 year old is begging not to take part
We've done all the " it's fine ..someone has to be last in the races "
" You are good at other things "
" It's part of life "
But he's still loosing sleep over it all.
They've been practicing all week which is winding him up even more.
So it occurred to me , and this is where I need perspective.
Would schools parade kids out in order of best reader to worst for all the parents to applause the best reader? ,no of course not ,so why do schools do this?
Yes it's good to celebrate success but why is it so demoralising for some kids ?
Am I being unreasonable taking him out of school that day?
As I say looking for other perspectives

But is he made to do the spelling test in front of the entire school and their parent/grandparents etc?

Exactly. Kings of the fucking playground.

Ignore the total wank about 'this is why kids have no resilience' ... from the people who probably came first in every event from the age of 4 onwards...

Unlike every other activity in school, sports day humiliates those who suck at running (And its always fucking running its never anything else!) in front of the whole school, staff and often parents too.

At 43, I can still remember the frustration and humiliation of coming last every. single. fucking. time. Knowing nothing I did would change that. I had short little legs, and unknown to me, a disability that was making it ten times harder for me to run than the next kid.

My Mum had an in-built hatred for competitive sports for kids anyway (she took part in pretty high level Fencing competitions herself so she wasnt totally anti-sports!), so she took to sending in notes saying I couldn't take part due to sprained ankle or similar things.

Did me zero harm, plenty of resilience here, have survived some pretty horrible stuff in my life and I'm doing alright!

@MissHoollie Take him off for the day or send him with a note saying he's still healing from something and can't compete - whatevers necessary, but don't subject him to the evils of sports day if its causing him this much distress!

This!!!!

Mine will probably place some where in the middle. DC hates anything overly competitive.

Dc will be going in and to be fair, dc wouldn't even dream of asking for it off nor would we ever offer.

Parents need to stop pulling their kids out of school just because...holiday, sports day, kid cba, and whatever other flimsy reason they have. Unless, ill and I mean properly ill they should be going in. Otherwise, what are we as parents actually teaching them?

Take him out for the day, what possible benefit is he going to get from this ritual humiliation of the non sporty.

It's one day. Some kids struggle every day. Sometimes useful to experience adversity. I don't like this relatively recent move of allowing kids to avoid anything that makes them a bit worried. It's normal to experience nerves and worry in life.

If it's stressing him out that much, I'd keep him off. It's not worth it. Some find sports day humiliating - it might not build resilience for those, just shame. If you don't think he'll blab, tell him in advance and just say he's not well that day.

In your shoes I wouldn't hesitate....but I would tell the school I was doing it, and why. I remember feeling like your child. Put his mental health first.

Sports day is optional in my kids secondary school. You don’t have to take part, in fact they encourage the non sporty kids to watch and cheer the teams on

Have a nice easy going day with your son. Sports day can be stressful for kids.

I wouldn't have allowed any of mine to sit it out. You can't spend your life avoiding experiences outwith your comfort zone.

Is it worth speaking to the school OP? DD is also not sporty and I spoke to school about her opting out of anything she didn't want to do. They're happy with this approach and she gets to join in with races/activities and discreetly sit out some.

Thank you @NancyJoan this rarely acknowledged or respected.

Are parents going to watch? Can you ask the teacher that he sits with you and watches? Giving him an easy out isn't going to do him any favours and totally sends the wrong message. But being there on the day and supporting him is much better and showing him it isn't scary. You may find he actually does want to join in if you take the pressure off and say he doesn't have to compete but only watch instead.

It interesting that parents on this thread are consistently talking about coming last in a running race as "humiliating". Isn't there an argument that by framing failure in those terms, you're projecting that onto them?

I mean, I personally would not consider coming last over 80 metres humiliating.

Humiliating is shitting yourself on stage/ getting outed by the press for cottaging on Clapham Common/ getting marched out of your office by security/ getting jilted at the alter. Coming last in a race doesn't even come close to the bad stuff that's probably going to plague your adult life and you're gonna have to style out.

I mean, someone comes last in then olympics.

It is a sad reflection of society of parents saying there have been negatives from other parents, sports days in primary, should be fun, competitive, but supportive. For primary, often at our school they were done as relay races, so were a team event.

What happens when he is nervous before a class play? Nerves/anxiety are part of life - before an exam, there is often anxiety, a job interview, going on holiday, opting out is always an option, but learning coping mechanisms, working with the feelings is a big part of life, which we develop from early experiences- if no other reason other than anxiety, work with school for an alternative- maybe only relay races but there with the rest of the class supporting them, other jobs he can do, such as helping with younger years, rather than missing completely.

I've got sporty kids and one who hated everything about it and I kept that one off on sports day. Guess which one got the best A levels, a first class honours degree from a very highly rated university, is very successful in their career? Funnily enough it is the one who couldn't do sport and hated sport.

My sporty kids would have laughed at being out for a duck, totally different for a child who is always last, who never catches the ball, never hits the target and never gets picked for a team. A sports teacher told me the noise and laughing and clapping was positive and they were just trying to be encouraging. I told him I didn't care if that was their intention because that wasn't what my child heard. He admitted he'd never thought of that.

Ours is mandatory for kids and parents, on a Saturday, and the kids sit with other students.
I've also raised the point that we should have a maths competition under exactly the same conditions/obligations, so we can see the divvies getting eliminated first.

Is this really the norm for sports day? Ours was a mixture of fun games, with some small elements of competition if two teams were taking part at the same time. Welly throwing, a fancy dress race, running with buckets of water etc. The only serious competition was the mum’s race which was cut throat.

The seniors (9+) is more competitive but still the focus is on team work and the teams have a mix of years. Hugely enjoyable.

The top year get to lead the teams, and organise some of the activities for the younger ones.

The school has a well thought out active policy to encourage every child to be healthy and active, and find movement they enjoy. There’s lots of organised team sports and celebration of competition wins etc, so the sporty kids get lots of chances to shine. But sports day is for the whole school community to enjoy.

I’m genuinely shocked that what you’re describing still happens. It sounds like a 1930s time warp. Would you consider challenging the school about it?

The trouble is if you are truly useless at running or doing the hopping through the hoops or whatever the other kids don't want you in their team and get annoyed because you make the team lose.

I kept mine off if they didn't want to do it. Sports was the only thing I would let them off though - everything else they went in.

I find the adults who talk about resilience the most find it difficult to take on board any character building tips about themselves.

Keep him off. There is no benefit to your son in going. Have a lovely day together.

Urgh I hated sports day, I always came last and got put in the loser races, it did bugger all to help build any resilience, in fact that combined with school PE in general put me off exercise for life! Luckily these days I lift weights and run 10K every week because I’ve finally found forms of exercise I actually like doing that don’t involve public humiliation, I can’t believe schools are still approaching it this way.

I’d be tempted to keep him off.

Totally take him out. School sports favour only the big, strong, and fast. My kids are none of those and if we relied on school sports to help them develop resilience we’d have been screwed. My kids are small and agile and bendy. DS is about to take his black belt in martial arts. Both are national medalists in gymnastics and members of the Elite Squad at their club. They’re resilient as fuck. Use the day to take him to something he is interested in -the natural history museum, or the local pool for a splash around, or do arts and crafts or a cool recipe with him. The world doesn’t begin and end with being able to jump further than everyone else into a sand pit and no kid should be made to feel like it does.