To withdraw my child from school sports day

[MissHoollie]

So my son age 7 has been upset for a few weeks about sports day and " always coming last"
None of us in the family are sporty and my other children " were always last " but they didn't mind at all and it almost became a family joke with them enjoying the fact it was a family tradition to be rubbish at sport
So my 7 year old is begging not to take part
We've done all the " it's fine ..someone has to be last in the races "
" You are good at other things "
" It's part of life "
But he's still loosing sleep over it all.
They've been practicing all week which is winding him up even more.
So it occurred to me , and this is where I need perspective.
Would schools parade kids out in order of best reader to worst for all the parents to applause the best reader? ,no of course not ,so why do schools do this?
Yes it's good to celebrate success but why is it so demoralising for some kids ?
Am I being unreasonable taking him out of school that day?
As I say looking for other perspectives

Not unreasonable. I have sporty children, they enjoy it, but I don't see what the kids who are trailing behind in every race get out of it other than feeling humiliated and demoralised. DC1 was very slow to grasp reading fluently (very far behind peers), so, to use the example from your op, I may well have kept her off if there was a "reading out loud day"

I hated it, DS hates it (and is autistic) - he stays home and fuck anyone at school who doesn’t like it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Couldn’t have put it better!

One of my children has dyspraxia and hasn't participated in sports days since year 1. I've just said he isn't going. Some schools have given him a job but if he doesn't have one, he just doesn't go to school. His mental well-being is my priority.

Some children experience that feeling of being last every day in academic lessons.

But not in front of the entire school and the attending parents. It's the public humiliation that hurts. I was pretty awful at Russian too and consistently bottom but that was nowhere near as bad.

Thanks everyone . Some great points for me to give consideration..
I like the sentiment of praising the effort but not sure how realistic that is.
Sadly yes this is a track painted on the grass with 250 kids sat on the grass to wait their turn with parents sitting full view .. shouting and cheering on their child.
They used to do the potted sports with team games as well but not sure that's open to parents this year.
Who knew parenting was so hard !

My dds school does sports day a bit different, the races aren't infront of parents, practice is they're normal gym time, then the fastest 3 in each group run in front of the whole school, every year group does this, and it's done in house groups, so your cheering for the house, rather than the individual, and also no pressure for dc who don't take part.
There's a fair amount of moaning from parents and some dc about not likthis set up, but the school finds it more inclusive , its quite a small school.

This was DD2. At 8 I told her that I would bunk her off from sports for the rest of her school career.
She was reasonably decent at sports but hated the feeling of every one watching her.
I hated sports day as a child. And indeed as an adult.

I would like all children to do spelling bees in front of all the parents. All the children who are great at spelling will get massive cheers and the ones who are shit will get sympathy awws.

It will be great! Build resilience.

I feel your pain. It’s so humiliating and public. Everyone is good at something but not everyone has the chance to show it publicly.

I don’t think it’s a hill to die on with the school. But a sick day won’t hurt.

YANBU.

Keeping your child away from sports day sounds like an excellent idea. I was that uncoordinated child, hopeless at anything physical and always coming last. I dreaded sports days, and I remember how unfair it felt that I was shamed on them but I wasn’t given the opportunity to compete & win at activities I was good at, such as maths & science.
If it’s OK for the unathletic to be publicly humiliated on sports day, why shouldn’t the thickos numerically challenged be publicly shamed on maths competition day?

At dd’s former primary, the competition was between houses. It was a lot less obvious who was sporty and who was not. This made sports day a much more enjoyable experience. My dd is pretty sporty but I wouldn’t hesitate to keep her off in your situation.

Keep him off (and the day before so it doesn’t appear related)

Our school does have awards for reading and prizes.
Also monthly awards for best performances and improvements in weekly maths and English tests

Not the same, unless they also have wooden spoons for the worst reader and the worst mathematician? Published in the school newsletter perhaps?

The thing that stresses kids about sports day is the very public nature of it.

My son's school is terrible for this. Massively skewed towards sports, endless cups and medals and literally nothing for the kids who are gifted in other ways.

It's really disheartening for the kids who aren't sporty and gives the pupils the overall impression that sporty is the best thing you can be.

I could not agree less!

Hate it.

Personally, I think this fuels the anxiety and makes it into a big thing to be avoided.

As I said earlier, I competed knowing I'd lose the running race every year due to my disability. My parents still recite the story of the other parents telling them that they'd loved seeing me 'come last with a big smile on my face'. (I'm sure very much through gritted teeth but still... ).

I fear we're setting up our kids not to be able to take the knocks in life. It's school sports day where half the people aren't even watching, it's not gladiator fights to the death at the Colliseum.

My younger son often wins the running races but he's had speech therapy for a stammer. The annual reciting of poetry to the whole school is his equivalent. It made him feel anxious but he still took part and felt a sense of achievement for doing it.

If you search back there was a similar post last summer about sports day, might be worth a read as some valid points raised for/ against letting child stay away, in the end I think the parent took the child out for the day!

I think if it's causing sleepless nights and anxiety for your child- keep them off and let them know so they aren't worrying any more.

Children worry about TOO MUCH nowadays with the COL Crisis, SATS and much more. If you CAN do something to help your child then do it. There's so much we can't do for kids in which case we support then the best we can but I think the fact you've written this shows the choice you want to make.

FWIW my children are quite sporty and usually come away with a medal or two but they still find it all stressful with so many parents watching and cheering. And yes, the pity claps for the poor child lumbering in last place. It’s awful. They have matches for individual sports and everyone can work out from that who the sport children are (at our school they are in teams A, B, C etc so it’s clear but it’s no my as publicly embarrassing as the A team others are just watching their match and the C team parents watch theirs and there no comparison.

I was pretty good on Sports Day myself and yet I still think they are a bad thing and would be happy for it to be cancelled. Excellence in sport in very important but it doesn’t need to be done in this way.

I agree with you OP. Sporting success is highly prized and no one cares about non-sporty kids feeling humiliated and embarrassed when made to play sport/do cross country. Even most after school clubs are mostly sports related.

Academic success is largely kept hush-hush and most people feel like they can’t even talk about their child’s achievements for fear of coming across like a show off.

Our school does all sorts of awards each week, including best reader. They do a termly maths and spelling award too. I actually really dislike it. As a child I HATED sports day. I felt sick to my stomach about it and faked illness for at least 50%. I'm sure my mum would have known as I always told her how much I hated it, but she just went along with it. My own children love sports day, but I'd just keep them off if they truly didn't want to go at that age.

Keep him home op, I asked the school if my medically ill child could not take part in actual races as he always came last, they assured me he could help in setting up etc but was just left to bake in the sun all day. We see it as mental heath day now, he doesn’t need to feel bad about himself all day. He takes part and loves other sports that you don’t have to be the quickest in, maybe encourage your son into those?

You know your kid best. Everyone always has an opinion, and usually that's based on what's "normal".

If you feel your son would benefit from being under the weather that day, then do it. He's your son and you know him (and care for him) best.

This.

My dyslexic but sporty son doesn’t get to opt out of every maths and spelling test where he is made to feel stupid. He gets one day where he can actually shine. One day your son feels bad. Versus the rest of the year for the non academic children. He does need to build some resilience and learn that you can’t be good at everything.

Though my primary never let them do any races. They just did rubbish things like score a goal, shoot a hoop in teams so no poor child would feel bad at coming last. They also put the strong sporty ones in the same team as the weaker ones. Funny how they don’t do this in maths and English.

I’ve kept mine off because the day has ended up with a trip to the hospital more than once with asthma attacks that could not be stopped. The school were fully aware of medical limitations, but were completely incapable of respecting them. I was so glad when she aged out of sports day. It is poorly designed and puts far too much pressure on children to push themselves to perform beyond their safe limits.