Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To withdraw my child from school sports day

667 replies

MissHoollie · 24/05/2023 20:02

So my son age 7 has been upset for a few weeks about sports day and " always coming last"
None of us in the family are sporty and my other children " were always last " but they didn't mind at all and it almost became a family joke with them enjoying the fact it was a family tradition to be rubbish at sport
So my 7 year old is begging not to take part
We've done all the " it's fine ..someone has to be last in the races "
" You are good at other things "
" It's part of life "
But he's still loosing sleep over it all.
They've been practicing all week which is winding him up even more.
So it occurred to me , and this is where I need perspective.
Would schools parade kids out in order of best reader to worst for all the parents to applause the best reader? ,no of course not ,so why do schools do this?
Yes it's good to celebrate success but why is it so demoralising for some kids ?
Am I being unreasonable taking him out of school that day?
As I say looking for other perspectives

OP posts:
Ponderosamum · 24/05/2023 21:04

flumpalamp · 24/05/2023 20:09

Yup. Take the pressure off the wee guy asap

Show quote history

This. I have done this every year since my child was traumatised and humiliated at age 8 at sports day, coming last and being teased because he has flat feet and dyspraxia. Kids do not need to be humiliated in front of the whole school because they are not sporty. Attending sports day or taking part should be optional. I'll be keeping my son off again this year.

cocunut · 24/05/2023 21:04

I love your point about the reading etc, OP. During secondary school, I remember being hopelessly teased by the "popular", sportier kids during team games such as netball. I remember coming home to my mum and telling her how much I wanted to shout "YOU CANT SOLVE A QUADRATIC EQUATION" back at them every time they'd shout "YOU CANT CATCH A F**G BALL" at me... I never did, of course, but how come that would be unacceptable yet the sporty kids teasing the less fit ones is?

PosseGalore · 24/05/2023 21:04

I wonder if your DS is being teased/bullied by other kids for coming last. That might explain the extreme reaction.

Ponderosamum · 24/05/2023 21:05

Vinvertebrate · 24/05/2023 20:42

I hated it, DS hates it (and is autistic) - he stays home and fuck anyone at school who doesn’t like it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

YES this.

cocunut · 24/05/2023 21:05

Also, my mum kept me off for sports day too 😁❤️

Starlightstarbright1 · 24/05/2023 21:05

My Ds has Asd / adhd fell over once banged his head . Cried and an amazing teacher ran the rest of the race with him . He got the biggest cheer .

i would talk to the school see if there is something else he can do .

wildfirewonder · 24/05/2023 21:06

If my child was being upset to this extent then yes I would take him out.

Sport day is a public performance (well, whole school performance) and it is outdated to make all compete IMO.

I used to just ask my kids to be excused though, and the school said fine - so I would try that first.

cocunut · 24/05/2023 21:07

@Delatron that's a really good point and it must be awful for kids who struggle academically to feel like they don't get acknowledged for their other achievements such as sports.
However I would like to add that they certainly do (or did about 10 years ago when I was in school) sit the "weaker" kids next to the academic ones in lessons, certainly in primary school and in mixed ability secondary sets. I used to enjoy it personally as an academic kid because I liked feeling like I could help the other kids (I'm a teacher now). However many of my friends did not enjoy feeling like mini teachers.

Spacestace · 24/05/2023 21:08

PosseGalore · 24/05/2023 21:04

I wonder if your DS is being teased/bullied by other kids for coming last. That might explain the extreme reaction.

Possibly more likely than feeling this way himself. I was always last for everything throughout all of my sports days- people still clapped and cheered, a few other kids made horrible comments but meh.

Mygazpachoistoocold · 24/05/2023 21:08

Why wouldn't you just speak to the teacher and see if you can reach an agreement? Everyone will know why your DC isn't there and will likely make more of a thing about them missing sports day, than taking part on negotiable terms.

And for all the they don't do this with reading, maths etc the curriculum changes. One of my DC's is now doing oracy which involves learning text off by heart and reciting it to the class which they are then assessed on. My DC is absolutely crapping it, but with lessons twice a week, they just have to grit their teeth, do their best and get on with it.

PopcorningLikeAHappyGuineaPig · 24/05/2023 21:08

Wildlyboring · 24/05/2023 20:11

He's losing sleep and anxious, pull him out and take him to do something nice. My daughter is pretty sporty but has ASD and hates noise and people watching, Sports Day last year was excruciating to watch I could see her clawing at her neck and hair, and her teacher told me "not to make a fuss" when I asked her to check on her. No chance will that be happening this year she won't be put in that position for something so meaningless.

I hate how ignorant some teachers are about ASD. Your poor daughter . Good in you for having her back.

Hankunamatata · 24/05/2023 21:08

MissingMoominMamma · 24/05/2023 20:33

But the OP has a point. Those coming last aren’t doing it with a live audience.

Show quote history

Our school doesn't allow parents at sports day to keep it inclusive and chilled. The number of grumbling parent complaints has been insane or just loud

Anjo2011 · 24/05/2023 21:15

Take him out for the duration of sports day, you as his parent know him best. He’s so young to get upset over something that in the long run isn’t important.

NancyJoan · 24/05/2023 21:17

Sports day is public humiliation and a patronising sympathy clap for my son. He’s hyper mobile, he cannot run or jump, yet his school offer no alternative. Last year I kept him home and will likely do the same next month.

The non-musical kids aren’t handed a violin and pushed onto the stage to perform in front of an audience of their peers’ parents, and the dyslexic kids are not expected to take part in a public spelling bee with a host of judges.

Newmum777777 · 24/05/2023 21:17

Keep him home. Happiness should always be priority

illiterato · 24/05/2023 21:18

Weller123 · 24/05/2023 20:44

Couldn’t have put it better!

Show quote history

"If you can meet with triumph and disaster, and treat those two imposters just the same".

Or, as I say to my kids "If you never fail, you never succeed". I am determined not to let my children equate failure with humiliation. It just destroys a growth mindset and discourages personal risk taking. DS was out for a golden duck today in front of a load of parents and kids in his year- was it a fail? Yes. Was it humiliating? No. The other team roasted a bit and then it was over. He walked back, made a joke of it and it's forgotten. If he'd collapsed crying about it then that would have been news.

You don't become less anxious through avoidance (then that thing just grows in your mind as this huge thing that you cant do). You become less anxious by sweating your way through it, the worst happening, and you thinking "well it could have been worse".

Georgie8 · 24/05/2023 21:19

What irritated me as a child (1970s-early 1980s) was that sporting achievements were paramount.

If you won a race, beat another team etc. that was celebrated as a school.
Being academically able, or musical was good, but it was not celebrated in the same way. And if you mentioned you had grade x in violin/ clarinet etc. it was boasting, whereas saying you’d win x sporting cup wasn’t boasting 🤷‍♀️

Nothing has changed in that respect!

JustBeKindItsEasy · 24/05/2023 21:21

You make an extremely good point.
But your son will become that kid that never does to things that they dont want to.
We had a kid / mum like this at our school.
Didnt do sports day…always sick
Then started not doing Wednesday afternoon as that the when there was whole school sports.
Then sick whenever there was a residential ccf
Sick on Prize Giving Day.
Avoiding everything.

It / he became a joke to his classmates.
His classmates resented him getting out of stuff they all had to do. He lost friends and tbh had none by the time he left the school.

Dont let your kid be the one who can never handle failure.

Georgie8 · 24/05/2023 21:21

tbh I think I hate schools 😱

Daffodilmorning · 24/05/2023 21:21

I still break out in a cold sweat remembering coming last in sports days. It took me a long time to learn the joy of exercise, and to discover that being the slowest runner in the class didn’t mean I was bad at all sports.

I’d let him stay off and do a fun sports day at home.

listsandbudgets · 24/05/2023 21:21

fUNNYfACE36 · 24/05/2023 20:10

So do the poor readers get to opt out of reading or the poor mathematicians out of a maths test.teach him to grow some resilence

No - but then children who are poor at sports don't get to opt out of games and PE.

The difference is that poor readers and mathematicians don't get paraded in front of parents and other visitors on a specially designated day.

SellFridges · 24/05/2023 21:22

I’m surprised that the school has individual winners called out. At my children’s school, and at my primary in the 1980’s, it was all team based so points were won for the team depending on individual scores. So it balances out and teaches important lessons about teamwork.

I have heard recently about a secondary that streams kids for PE and I think it’s a great idea. Those with little interest and/or aptitude are on a different class to those who take it seriously or enjoy it. Everyone wins.

Happyharry2003 · 24/05/2023 21:23

100% yes. Life is too short to make a child do this. I did it with mine at primary, they’ve been fine with doing it actually in secondary as parents don’t tend to watch and cheer on their cliques offspring in the same way.

electriclight · 24/05/2023 21:24

No, don't teach him that he can opt out if things he doesn't like or isn't good at. It's a terrible message and sets a precedent. At that age, they volunteer for their events so the kids who are rubbish end up in the egg and spoon race. He'll come out the other side and learn that mum doesn't give him a day off when something is tricky, that he can cope with adversity and that he was very likely better than he expected.

NancyJoan · 24/05/2023 21:25

My dyslexic but sporty son doesn’t get to opt out of every maths and spelling test where he is made to feel stupid. He gets one day where he can actually shine. One day your son feels bad. Versus the rest of the year for the non academic children. He does need to build some resilience and learn that you can’t be good at everything.

Sporty boys are the kings of the playground. School currency is about being popular, and with boys popular=good at sports, not maths or spelling. I’m glad your son enjoys sport, and that it gives him confidence. Imagine if every maths/spelling test was done on stage, in front of an audience. How would that make him feel? That’s sports day for a dyspraxic kid.