To withdraw my child from school sports day

[MissHoollie]

So my son age 7 has been upset for a few weeks about sports day and " always coming last"
None of us in the family are sporty and my other children " were always last " but they didn't mind at all and it almost became a family joke with them enjoying the fact it was a family tradition to be rubbish at sport
So my 7 year old is begging not to take part
We've done all the " it's fine ..someone has to be last in the races "
" You are good at other things "
" It's part of life "
But he's still loosing sleep over it all.
They've been practicing all week which is winding him up even more.
So it occurred to me , and this is where I need perspective.
Would schools parade kids out in order of best reader to worst for all the parents to applause the best reader? ,no of course not ,so why do schools do this?
Yes it's good to celebrate success but why is it so demoralising for some kids ?
Am I being unreasonable taking him out of school that day?
As I say looking for other perspectives

This thread comes up every year and every year l think yep just keep them off

Absolutely this

When my child had yet another sports lesson being teased and tormented by other children I told the teacher that I had told them that next time there was a maths test he was to stand up and say X Y and Z are so thick if they couldn't get 100% (my child was top of the class in maths to the point teacher said they were a nuisance because they finished the work too quickly, never heard that being said about a child succeeding at sport.) Amazingly the teacher managed to clamp down on the teasing and it stopped. Funny how it takes that sort of threat to get it taken seriously.

It isn't new. My mum let me have sports day off in the 1950s.

The decision is for you to make about your child and what you think is best for him.
It doesn't matter what arguments anyone else has about their children or what they would do, or fairness or righteousness or anything at all.
It's your child and you know him.
Do what you think is right in your gut, the thing that you would do if there wasn't any pressure or worry about anyone else's opinions or ideals, what the school would say or what type of parent it makes you.
Generally, I think that is the right decision.

I get where you're coming from OP. But at the same time most of school's focus is academic. PE/sports make up such a small part of the curriculum. I think its nice for those who thrive in this area, but who do less well academically, to get the chance to feel good about their endeavours. Same goes for those who excel at art, music, etc.

My parents made me do sports day. I wasnt even crap at it. But still hated it. And by extension all sports.
I've never done another sport from the last day i was forced to at school.
But it's ok cos I'm resilient? Would probably have been resilient without the God awful sports day and p.e

I'd speak to the teacher and if not helpful I'd keep him off. I hated sport and was SO self conscious, don't remember primary school as much but year 7 I got singled out by the teacher for not touching the ball the whole lesson 🤣 rather than spur me on and encourage me she made me feel so shit!!! MISS TURNER YOU'RE A BITCH. 🤣 my child really over thinks things and it's HARD so I feel for you. School trips are especially hard for us and our school seems to have a few. Every trip we have tears but every trip has been thoroughly enjoyed so it is never as bad as they think. Hugs. Sorry I've gone massively on a tangent 😅

Also, to answer the repeated argument that there are 'academic' kids and 'sporty' kids .... many children struggle at everything, academically and socially and with sports.

Are the races really all "proper" ones? No sack race, egg-and-spoon, three-legged race? That does sound a bit po-faced for what should be a fun summers afternoon (in the rain...!).

For me, it would depend - if a bit nervous, not wanting to go, etc then Id be pushing for them to be a bit more positive and learn to put up with it. If really worried and genuinely dreading it then I'd take him out of school that day. Its just silly to let them get so worked up and have a dreadful miserable experience thatll convince them they cant do any physical activity.
Not with a "serious" face, but just a "pfft, its meant to be fun, if its really bothering you this much then you and I will have a sports day in the garden instead...". And find some daft "competitive" events to muck about outside with - jumps, obstacle courses, blindfolded race, etc

My now adult child has never opted out of anything else, would go on stage and play instruments, sing, dance, take the lead in a school play, compete in the maths olympics. I didn't project anything, the bloody vile teacher who told them they were useless in front of other children and the children who thought it was funny caused the issue. No one would tolerate a child who was brilliant at maths/music/languages to laugh at children who struggled with that subject, that is uniquely kept for sport.

I sympathise with the OP's son, as I was that child also. But there is another side to this. For his friends who are good at sport it is their chance to shine. Maybe they will like having him cheer them on? A chance to focus on them might help him feel less anxious about himself. Looking back, I wish I had not been so worried about my own lack of abilities in certain subjects but focused more on building up my friends and classmates with their acheivments. It might have helped .

And many are good at academics. sport and socially, I had one of those as well.

DS used to love sports day: he always came last in every race he entered and he got the biggest applause and cheering as he trotted resolutely over the line.

You may well find that your DS's effort is applauded, too.

They’re not generally paraded in front of the whole school and all the parents whilst doing badly, are they?

No, I would no more give a child a day off school for being the worst at sports, than I would for being the worst at maths or English. Its life.

We all have strengths and weaknesses and its the taking part that actually matters.
I think it's the wrong message to send to kids that they can just avoid the school subjects/activities they aren't good at.
It's one day.

Yes you probably would have been resilient without it and you might even have found a sport like, how many kids get turned off sport for life because of what they went through at school?

My asthmatic son's school's amazing deputy head recognised that sports day was agony for him. He would say..."Right, I need some timekeepers and marshals to help me out...ermm, Jones, Smith, and umm...you'll do, Glot. Sorry you'll have to miss on a couple of events, but I need some help." Such a wonderfully sensitive man. Why can't such solutions be standard in schools?

I would encourage him to take part ... tell him coming last doesn't mean failure and its just a bit of fun.

I'm would be concerned he is losing sleep over this matter.

But it's ok cos I'm resilient? Would probably have been resilient without the God awful sports day and p.e

It all becomes a bigger deal than it needs to though. Yes, I knew I'd lose by a long way and it wasn't a level playing field given my medical circumstances. But it was over in 20 seconds and I was sat back down with my friends, not scarred for life.

School life is full of ups and downs. Some of my friends were devastated when we picked up our A level results (also very public) and they didn't get their uni places.

Resilience is borne out of going through the bad as well as the good. I genuinely don't think we do our kids any favours by letting them opt out of the difficult things. I'd rather they were gracious enough to be pleased for the kids that win the races and have their moment of glory, rather than seeing it as an exercise in ritual humiliation.

My asthmatic son's school's amazing deputy head recognised that sports day was agony for him. He would say..."Right, I need some timekeepers and marshals to help me out...ermm, Jones, Smith, and umm...you'll do, Glot. Sorry you'll have to miss on a couple of events, but I need some help." Such a wonderfully sensitive man. Why can't such solutions be standard in schools?

Oh of course, ridiculous to expect a child to partake in something that could aggravate a medical condition.
And what a lovely way to keep them included!

It's not like he will be the only one to come last, they don't line 30 of them up and off they go it's usually smaller numbers so probably won't even be the only one to come last in his year

I was shit at anything to do with running , I was also shit at the academic side of school so wasn't winning anything. If I was still upset about it 38 years later I'd wonder what was wrong with me

My 4 ds are also shit at running, think they've all come last at one point or another they seem to have over come it

Resilience is borne out of going through the bad as well as the good. I genuinely don't think we do our kids any favours by letting them opt out of the difficult things. I'd rather they were gracious enough to be pleased for the kids that win the races and have their moment of glory, rather than seeing it as an exercise in ritual humiliation.

Very well said.

It sets a very bad precedent to let him just opt out of normal childhood experiences . I'm afraid that will only result in him being more anxious about facing difficulties, and less resilient.

Why is it a given/accepted that he will be last in everything? Sit this one out if that's the better thing to do but it seems unhealthy to continue avoiding it in years to come. It might help if he joined a club or did more sports to improve? Isn't it better to do more of the things you're bad at so that you can get good at them rather than avoiding it altogether?