To withdraw my child from school sports day

[MissHoollie]

So my son age 7 has been upset for a few weeks about sports day and " always coming last"
None of us in the family are sporty and my other children " were always last " but they didn't mind at all and it almost became a family joke with them enjoying the fact it was a family tradition to be rubbish at sport
So my 7 year old is begging not to take part
We've done all the " it's fine ..someone has to be last in the races "
" You are good at other things "
" It's part of life "
But he's still loosing sleep over it all.
They've been practicing all week which is winding him up even more.
So it occurred to me , and this is where I need perspective.
Would schools parade kids out in order of best reader to worst for all the parents to applause the best reader? ,no of course not ,so why do schools do this?
Yes it's good to celebrate success but why is it so demoralising for some kids ?
Am I being unreasonable taking him out of school that day?
As I say looking for other perspectives

Me too. Take him out for a great day OP.

Ours does team competitions (and I have noticed that the teams seem to be in fairly evenly-spread in terms of ability, the slow ones teamed with the fast ones, so it is a fair competition between the teams).

Seems bizarre that they would be doing actual competitive races at KS1 level - secondary school, fine, but at this age surely it is about fostering teamwork and encouraging everyone to do their best?

They also don’t do parents’ races, so excellent all round 🤣

Could you speak to school and ask if there are any other ways in which he could participate, rather than through racing? At my school, children who struggle with that side of things are given other jobs, like photographer, holder of the finish line or giver-outer of stickers. They’re still part of the day but without the pressure.

As someone who has affected for life by school PE, can I kindly ask anyone about to spout out the word "resilience" to fuck off move on to the next thread, thanks.

OP - keep him off for as many years as necessary.

Puts me in mind of that quote “it is not enough that I succeed others must fail”. The sporty cohort need the lower ability ones there to make them look good. They need the benchmark. Fuck that.

That was my experience too. Being a team player goes both ways: why should I feel in any way positive about being on a team that clearly resents me being there?

Even now, I don’t play any team sports - ever. Thankful I was able to find my niche at school through drama and the debate team, and I just refused to do any PE at all from 14 onwards.

Found out a few years later that my hitherto undiagnosed hypermobility was a major reason for my crapness at sports and pain after exercise. Not a single teacher listened, noticed or suggested it be investigated. Of course they didn’t, they were too busy encouraging the sporty kids and ignoring those of us who weren’t naturally athletic. I hope there are some better PE teachers around now.

I hate that word too. It's used too often in relation to children with learning disabilities as an excuse for not offering support, as if any child was ever magically cured of dyslexia or speech difficulties or sensory problems by having them ignored. In the sports context, I simply don't believe that any child ever learnt resilience by being humiliated in front of a large audience.

If he's getting that worked up about it, then I'd just keep him off that day.

My child has got herself so worked up she's been sick about a couple of situations at school recently. I've spoken to her teacher about them. The first one, the teacher basically said we did it that way to make our (the staff) lives easier. The second time I complained to the office and didn't even get a response.

@fUNNYfACE36 I suppose the difference is that the people coming last, as well as first, in sports are immediately visual- it’s in front of everyone, and those coming last are very much ‘on display’ for all to see. Whereas the prizes for maths and reading are usually only focussed on those who are achieving the best in those areas. They don’t really put the people coming last on display in the same way.

Some people don’t mind, personally I found it funny when I was really bad at things like gymnastics.

But I can understand why some people might find it genuinely excruciating and want to avoid it.

There really is a difference. A race in front of all your friends, teachers, peers and parents is different to someone being awarded a prize for coming first in maths exams

This! it's about team work and trying your best. We all have to do things in life that we don't want to, an important lesson in life is to make the best of things. Teaching him give up cos he isn't the best at something isn't a great lesson.

Keep him off and tell him the truth: sport is for losers.

DS will have a "migraine" on his sports day, I have made his ta aware so she doesn't attempt to enter him in anything- she is very surportive (he refuses to do anything - sits on a boiling hot strange field (the do sports day at the local independent school)with the boys who have been bulling him all year ...

He will instead have a lovley day at his siblings sports day with extended family and a pub lunch :).

I think the key is to do what you said your other children do: "but they didn't mind at all and it almost became a family joke with them enjoying the fact it was a family tradition to be rubbish at sport"
My grandson has some disabilities and they make him useless at sport and slow at running. At Primary school he was made to do all the Sports Day races for his age. Eventually he just saw it as a joke and stared to do funny actions as he crawled down the track. Fortunately the Staff saw the funny side too.

I entirely endorse this. I have seen the opposite in action in two generations. The mother sent her DD on holiday during exams including GCSE so she gained no qualifications. She lied her way into jobs eventually becoming an Auxiliary Nurse but telling everyone she was a Qualified Nurse. She had sons whom she took out of school regularly and always made up excuses - which were lies - as to why they could not do things or why they were in trouble. These young men now have criminal records and their mother is just the most horrible, lying, untrustworthy and nasty, difficult person. Just as she always blamed others for the horrible things she did, she blames others for her sons' evil deeds against others. You would never want to live near her.
Trying to protect your child by saying they need not be part of what everyone else is doing is actually teaching them they are a special case and can have excuses not to pull their weight. It sets them apart as 'special' and teaches them they are above the rest, that they have a special right not to have to be part of what everyone else has to do. It is the thin end of the wedge of developing narcissism.

I've realised, and I deeply apologise, that when I reply I always assume the school is a decent one that cares about the children.

It's obvious there are so many bad schools and dreadful teachers and that many of you have suffered from this. I am so sorry. It just should never happen. But clearly it does.

In which case, I'd say, OP, you have to deal with the situation according to its individual circumstances. If it's a fairly decent school, no bullying, kind staff, then encourage DS to have a go and treat it as an opportunity to show what a great personality he has by not letting it get to him. He could take a bow just before finishing for example, or just try and lighten the mood somehow.

But if he's going to be bullied? If teachers are mean... Well, maybe he does have a stomach upset and can't go in that day.

It all depends on so many factors. Good luck to you both.

starfish4517

I'm so sorry. You must have had such a terrible time. It should never happen. Teachers should be able to create activities that include all pupils and all abilities. For example, there were a lot of girls who hated going outside and jumping around while nobody threw a ball to them so I started a modern dancing class - this was in a primary school though. But older children could so easily be given different activities and encouragement.

It makes me so angry when teachers let pupils have your kind of experience.

I think even the most ardent defender of sports day would struggle with the idea that missing sports day is equivalent to going on holiday during your GCSE exams…