To withdraw my child from school sports day

[MissHoollie]

So my son age 7 has been upset for a few weeks about sports day and " always coming last"
None of us in the family are sporty and my other children " were always last " but they didn't mind at all and it almost became a family joke with them enjoying the fact it was a family tradition to be rubbish at sport
So my 7 year old is begging not to take part
We've done all the " it's fine ..someone has to be last in the races "
" You are good at other things "
" It's part of life "
But he's still loosing sleep over it all.
They've been practicing all week which is winding him up even more.
So it occurred to me , and this is where I need perspective.
Would schools parade kids out in order of best reader to worst for all the parents to applause the best reader? ,no of course not ,so why do schools do this?
Yes it's good to celebrate success but why is it so demoralising for some kids ?
Am I being unreasonable taking him out of school that day?
As I say looking for other perspectives

My DS is in yr5. In previous years he has helped give out prizes as he didn't want to compete. He has still found that agony as they position the table right in front of the parents. Tried talking to the school about how stressful it is for him and they always push him to 'take part'.

Fuck that now, am keeping him off this year, not worth the stress for him and the conversations with school for me. 🙂

I have a physical disability which meant that I'd be coming last at sports day (the two girls I could have probably beaten were mysteriously ill every year). And every year, I did just that. Not by a small margin, probably by 30 metres.

I've been lucky in being at the other end of the class for exam results. I dreaded sports day but it gave me empathy for what it's like to struggle. And resilience/being gracious in defeat.

I think we're perhaps too sensitive about letting our kids 'fail'. My parents had no such qualms and I think it probably did me a favour as a life lesson.

Aw, poor boy. If it’s causing him that much worry, just keep him off. Its really not a big deal.

Two of mine loved it, one hated everything about it, the noise, the attention, other parents being there. I just used to let her stay home. Late teen now and she’s full of confidence and ironically is very into sport and fitness.

Sims things just aren’t worth the hassle imo. Others will tell you different but it’s worked for us.

My child will probably come last. There’s no way I would let him have the day off though. In life we need to learn that we are not good at everything and to take part and come last with grace. Sport is not just about being competitive but is about being healthy and active, taking part as a team etc. Parents should work harder at preparing their children for failure

Surely there are other, better ways to teach about failure outside of a single annual public event?

Are you sure sports day is actually in the form of races you can 'lose'? Because in all the years of sports days I've been at over the last 10 years or so, not a single one has been in the format that anyone loses. It's just games like tossing beanbags into hoops, throwing foam javelins etc. Everyone gets a medal.

We have a non-competitive “exhibition” type sports day - it’s awful! No winners, no losers but lots of cheating, crying kids and pushy parents. It certainly doesn’t inspire a love of sport 🙄 in fact, the children seem to prefer their mid-morning daily run (a nod to the daily mile with less time/grounds available) to sports day.

Would schools parade kids out in order of best reader to worst for all the parents to applause the best reader? ,no of course not ,so why do schools do this?

My ds has an issue with his speech due to an injury at birth. He's had to perform a poem in Scots in front of the entire school every year that he's been at school. He's currently learning lines to speak at their class assembly in front of pupils, teachers, parents and one of the local MSPs. They also have multiple art competitions where the whole school has to display their art. He's not particularly good at art either. If we let him opt out of all the things he struggles with, he'd only have maths and sport.

YANBU

You only have your children with you for a limited time. Then they move out and on with their lives.

Taking him out for the day has the following pros as I see it:

1. You get to spend quality time with him when academics won't be affected.

1. School is just an institution. Institutions are one size fits all. Not always appropriate for every child. The fact that they've been practising all week does not bode well for it being fun. If you take him out, you send the message that he shouldn't be a good sport to his own detriment. However, I'd be careful how you handle this so he doesn't think when the going gets tough he always gets bailed out.

I'm planning on taking my DD out of sports day too. In her case the school has allowed her to become sunburned 2 years in a row. I sent her in covered with suncream with a hat. I asked the staff about shady breaks and was assured it was adequate (it wasn't). I told them her skin is quite fair and she burns easily even with sun cream. Since they ve failed in their duty of care, I've decided enough is enough. They won't get another chance.

Your son was me as a kid! My parents made me go and I threw up all over the field because I was so anxious (so got out the race.) but I felt like a massively failure anyway. Would I have felt that I had failed equally staying home? Probably wouldn’t have given a shit, I don’t know. But as an adult now the thought of running competitively infront of a crowd would be my worst nightmare and I would be absolutely furious at being forced, so no…. I probably wouldn’t make my child do it.

Speak to the class teacher about his concerns.

I agree. The world is chock full of things we don't want to do, but we have to do.
And Sports Day is just one of those things.

I wouldn't want to set a precedent that Mummy will wave her magic wand and take it all away.
It is only SD, therefore it's optional, but he doesn't know where that boundary ends.

Keep the wee man off x

But the OP has a point. Those coming last aren’t doing it with a live audience.

I hated sports day so much as a child, it made me feel terrible.

My kids are all very different personalities and when my middle dc asked to not do sports day because they hated it, I let them stay home

I HATED sports day as a kid (same reason as your son) and I did not grow up to be a fat, unhealthy adult who hates sport or any kind of competition. I actually walk for miles and do yoga, I used to run/jog (did some 10k races) before my knees got knackered from doing too much high impact exercise. I am actually very competitive - which is why I hated sports day so much as a child as I knew I was crap and would never win.

What I am trying to say is that it is fine to save your son from the shame and embarassment of sports day, it will not negatively affect his future life chances.

I have a child with a (fairly minor) physical disability that puts him at a disadvantage to his peers. He knows that as long as he tries hard I will be proud. Praise the effort.

I also do the same for my less academic child, I praise the effort, I don’t tell him to not bother trying to read because it’s hard.

Praise the effort not the prize but always enter the bloody race.

Are you sure it will really be so competitive?

My DS's sports day is such a pig's breakfast of false starts, complicated instructions to which nobody is listening, cheating, running in the wrong direction and general shenanigans that nobody could know who came last.

I'd totally keep him off!! And I completely agree about the reading thing. For some kids it's humiliating!

I wish my parents had. Sports day was just a day of agonising humiliation for me.

It turns out there was a very good physical reason why I was so bad at sports but that wasn't diagnosed until I left school.

It's left me with a lifelong hatred of sport.

@fUNNYfACE36 but the poor readers don't have to read out loud in assembly in front of peers and parents before being ranked in order of reading skills.

OP doesn't want to take him out of PE lessons - just sports day.

I think if he's losing sleep and it's making him miserable, then yes, absolutely keep him off that day.

Horrible to put a child through all that misery for a stupid sports day.

If it was me I would pull him out for the day because I don't believe a 7 year old should be forced into something that makes them so anxious

Every child deserves their moment to shine… your dc might get that moment in reading or maths and another dc will get that on sports day. In reality, it is one day a year. Some children experience that feeling of being last every day in academic lessons. Thank your lucky stars that your dc isn’t that child. If you feel strongly about it, just keep him off, it’s fine to do that if you think that’s what’s best for him.

My ds 12 used to dread PE at primary when he was younger, he's not sporty in the least and would get really wound up in the lead up to it. I eventually told the teachers I didn't want him to take part and he was allowed in school to just help with set up etc, but didn't have to take part, could that be an option?