To withdraw my child from school sports day

[MissHoollie]

So my son age 7 has been upset for a few weeks about sports day and " always coming last"
None of us in the family are sporty and my other children " were always last " but they didn't mind at all and it almost became a family joke with them enjoying the fact it was a family tradition to be rubbish at sport
So my 7 year old is begging not to take part
We've done all the " it's fine ..someone has to be last in the races "
" You are good at other things "
" It's part of life "
But he's still loosing sleep over it all.
They've been practicing all week which is winding him up even more.
So it occurred to me , and this is where I need perspective.
Would schools parade kids out in order of best reader to worst for all the parents to applause the best reader? ,no of course not ,so why do schools do this?
Yes it's good to celebrate success but why is it so demoralising for some kids ?
Am I being unreasonable taking him out of school that day?
As I say looking for other perspectives

Well schools do kinda parade the best at reading and the best at maths -in my DC's primary the tables they sat at were dependent on your standing in these subjects, and in their secondary they are in sets. Every day the DC on the lowest tables and lowest sets are physically set apart as bad academically. At least sports day is only once a year. I totally understand the drive to remove him, although I would think about whether that could send him the message that if he isn't good at something he doesn't have to do it, that something is only worth doing if he's good at it, and that you will save him from any uncomfortable situation. At GCSE English they have to do a speech for oracy; it's a compulsory part of the gcse. There were some kids in my DS's class who - like most people - had some nerves around public speaking. Their parents asked for them to be exempt from giving the speech and were outraged to be told 'no', the kids couldn't believe they were made to do it . . . . they had clearly always been saved from doing stuff that upset or challenged them before and were ill prepared to have to just grit their teeth and get through.

I think sports day is really important. I have children who are not academic and sports is where they really shine. It’s lovely to see them totally come out of themselves! I had sports day this week and my class were all so wonderful - supporting each other, the sportiest kids encouraging everyone, cheering every member of the class, a really lovely atmosphere. I was a child who hated sports day and I know that some of my kids would have felt like that too but it did feel like a positive and affirming vibe.

In a way I would feel sad if it became opt out because I love the way it feels as a class to be there together giving it all a go.

However, I also do not love the teacher’s race and I think that children who find it very hard shouldn’t have to. I let children refuse to do their race - I’m not fighting that battle and there’s always someone who is happy to do it for them. It would be hard because I feel like a lot of kids might opt out and then the whole vibe of sports day would change - it would be more of one of those events where kids on a specific team compete. But I hate the idea of any kids feeling anxious and upset on sports day, so anything that removes that is fair game to me.

Some children are absolutely bothered with many parents watching them, especially when they do the sympathy clap.

You don't think those children realise that in PE? Why does it need to happen in front of everyone at sports day too?

Just like prize giving every year really.
Or awards, colours whatever the school does on a regular basis at assemblies

Who gets the prize for best story, maths, spelling and years later it’s Chemistry, physics etc.
The same kids will be sat on their bums in a different part of the hall knowing there’s no prize for them.
All in front of parents (when it’s the end of year).

It isn't the same to me because the parents don't actively watch them do whatever they may struggle with.

The same would be forcing all children to perform in a musical or forcing all children to do the spelling bee. Usually, only the children who are interested and have some talent at singing or spelling are picked.

My post was about ( end of year ) prize giving and assemblies.
Obviously all children attend assemblies and prize giving.
Parents attend end of year prize givings.

They always do at our kids schools and did when I was at school.
In fact parents didn’t attend sports day when I was at school ( never) and only attended up to child’s age 12/13 at my kids schools.

However. My post was about prize giving and assemblies.

Which I don't think is comparable as actually watching a child struggle, sometimes several times in one sports day.

Sports day isn't an issue for me, it's the fact that it is mandatory and usually full of parents. Some who aren't always kind.

If it was behind closed doors or voluntary/fastest times only compete then I wouldn't have as much of an issue.

Prize giving isn’t remotely analogous to sports day. Not a single parent (or child) has any problem with publicly celebrating other children’s achievements. That’s not what sorts day is, though - it’s not just bigging up the winners, it’s every child being publicly ranked from best to worst.

If prize giving included mentioning the child who wrote the worst story or came bottom of the class, I think a lot of parents would be much less keen on it.

Noticed you had a very similar conversation with @lifeturnsonadime yesterday.
Her points are the same as mine in essence.

I think sports day is really important.

Seriously? As neither my primary or secondary did sports day, I am going to have to disagree!

If assemblies and prize giving were the academic equivalent of sports day, as you’re suggesting, we’d have kids who were so anxious they were losing sleep over attending them. But we don’t. Could that be because children can easily cope with not winning at something, but find it much harder to cope with publicly losing at something (that, as others have pointed out, they had no choice but to compete in)?

Again people seem to forget there are non-academic non-athletic kids. Usually those reasonably healthy are good at both their studies and sports even if not the best.

Children who walk to the front of the hall and sit in the front seats or up on the stage for the entire end of year prize giving. Then are individually given prizes with individual clapping and their names being read out
is very privileged

(nb : I’ve had kids that are academic and sporty and not academic or sporty either )

The others
Sitting in the side aisles, the cheap seats or in our case with their parents at the back are definitely put in a different league.

Theres no difference
Those kids in the cheap seats learn to accept it and celebrate their friends getting the prizes because maybe, just maybe, their mates clapped for them when they came in first in the 100m. If they bothered to turn up that is.

We had a kid ( a few actually ) whose parents always found an excuse for him to miss anything that was even remotely physically competitive. He learnt to not support his mates which was reciprocated.

Supporting others is an important life’s lesson.

Parents who aren’t kind, yes we ve definitely had some of those.
Need to be asked not to attend in future.
In fact that’s exactly what our school did.

If children don't want to run in the races, they could sit and watch instead. It's possible to support others without racing.

It's also possible to learn how to support others without sports day.

As a teacher, and a parent, and a person who went to school, I do know what prize giving is.
I have yet to attend one where a teacher said “And finally, here is carduelis, who got 3/50 in the spelling test and came right at the bottom of the class!”

There is a massive difference between being one of the many, many kids who didn’t come first and being the kid who lost.

Also all the prizegiving events I’ve ever been to have included prizes for sport so this idea that we ONLY celebrate the sporty kids on sports day doesn’t hold up at all anyway.

Exactly. It isn't close to being the same thing.

Yes exactly! I wasn’t allowed to join in with any events on sports day once I got to secondary school because I was too bad at everything so I had a lovely time sitting on the sidelines cheering and - guess what?! - supporting my friends.

its not the losing. It’s the public failure. Those wittering on about “you can’t be good at everything” are spectacularly missing the point.

Yeah can you imagine the prize giving in front of to all the parents

”and the worst at maths award goes to Amelia. She’s not even a little bit behind the others she’s massively behind! She could barely finish the course! Oh dear” sniggers. It’s basically the same.

Don't forget the sympathy clap.

“Awwww bless”. That’s what’s killed it for dd1. She was almost a year younger than some of them.

I loved sports day personally - sporty and October birthday - totally cleaned up.

I agree but you missed out the sympathy cheering and clapping. Nothing in life has even been as humiliating as that aspect of sports day.

Of course there's a massive difference. Those in the so-called cheap seats are the great majority, they aren't in a different league. They are not being made to sit in front of the whole school and parents publicly failing. No-one announces who came 4th, 5th, 6th or last. And generally, prizes aren't confined to those who are best academically, since most prize giving ceremonies include sports prizes and prizes for things like music, arts, drama, effort, helpfulness, etc.

Our schools are obviously different.
The cheap seats are definitely for the few.
Prize giving takes a couple of hours. Prizes for every subject and every class. For ages 8-12 Prep years
First and second in key subjects so Eng, Maths, Chem, Physics, Bio, History Geography…..etc ( yes they do the individual subjects at prep for sciences )
Then class and year prizes in Drama, Music plus extra curricular like CCF, beekeeping, chess, IT etc etc
Then other prizes like Headmasters prize, general class prize, St Justis prize for help/ support and the unrecognised .
Some will get more than one prize especially the supper clever but a few will get nothing.
The only Sports prize is received by the Head of the winning house for that year. Plus a prize for anyone that beats a school record. So that’s 2 people getting prizes usually and often only be. All sports prizes are handed out to individuals and relay teams on Sports Day only

If I was obsessed and ran my finger down the prizes in the yearly school magazine I’d find most picking up a prize. But then it’s obvious as you can clearly see who is sitting in the cheap seats ( actually it’s the side aisles behind the Cathedral columns with a bad view )
Sometimes my kids got prizes, sometimes not. One non academic and non sporty very rarely. However he learnt to find his place in school finding what he was good at and luckily the school does such a varied curriculum that he found his passion, got his A* s and is at Uni now. PS he also became the school beekeeping expert…he found a way to the podium all through resilience. I would also say he is also passionate at sports even though he was never that good and often came in last. He scouted around and found fencing and now competes in major competitions. It worked for all of mine…….So reliance won the day.